Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 203
"PULL" Part III — Legal Catapulting — Dateline: 2029
With the mournful sound of the beaten puppy Caveman (aka Mr. Caveman, aka Commander Cromagnon) asked to be included in this final instalment of the three part catapult series. His once ripped and shredded body now looking like a bloated Eskimo harpoon float made from seal intestines, his once razor sharp bear trap mind now moving at the speed of an overburdened, bow legged, lurching dung beetle, his once happy face now creased with the frightening furrow of onrushing mortality; he begged to be part of a world he no longer occupied.
If you review Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 201 — "Pull" and if you review Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 202 — Science and Skipability you will see that at one time Caveman was an integral part of my technology life in the Kingdom (aka catapults for errant bargirls). But you can't accomplish things or profitably accomplice yourself with shadows, and Caveman is now in the year 2029 a shadow of his former self. Everything goes until it stops and he is now reduced to story telling and flexing biceps that look the same right side up as upside down.
No longer the purveyor of good and not so good news to government and military and industrial employers, no longer the weightlifting guru to wannabe steroid monsters, and no longer the massage-philosopher; he was now reduced to assistant director of toy inventory in a Swiss farang pre-school in Rayong. His seven marriages (this one is different Dana) to Thai bargirls had failed (he learned to say 'Someone just kill me.' in Thai), his partnership with Chiang Mai Kelly in a Go Go boot reconditioning factory had failed, and his . . . time marches on and he found out that not only did he not have a round trip ticket–his ticket was not even punched for the final destination.
So unless something extra-ordinary happens in the Dana future that requires the now carbon coughing tailpipe mind of Caveman, he will not be consulted on any more technical matters requiring practicality and intelligence. I don't want to say this guy is sad, but his dog's favorite activity is to munch on used tampons he (the dog) finds in the wastebasket–and Caveman likes to tell this story over and over and over and over and over and over . . . in farang bars. Witness the final corruption and pray for our race.
I am, however, nothing if not open minded and interested in a redemptive future. If anyone out there in Stickmanbangkok.com email land knows of noteworthy Caveman spottings, or knows of noteworthy Caveman (oh excuse me, Mr. Caveman) doings; send them to me here at Dana Central and I will have my people's people examine them for possible human interest. Please, no naughty pictures–we know what two dogs on a school playground look like.
So, barring unlikely future rips in the fabric of space-time, and even more unlikely emails that can be independently verified by vengeful mamasans and angry feminists, Caveman's race is run.
Now enjoy the third and final instalment in the Catapult-Thailand series. Stripped to its core without the disquieting puppy whine of ego. Science-History-Dana: the great 'triumvirate of human recording.
Greetings Stickmanbangkok.com fans and Dana fans:
Dana here with an update on matters of 'farang-bargirl-Kingdom' interest. In the last ten years two phenomena of at first disparate seeming detail have conjoined in a most satisfactory way. To wit:
(1) In the year 2019 activities involving Thai ladies of the commercial kind became legal and the self-same Thai angels formed a union. The union was to protect Thai ladies of the commercially smiling kind from abuse, disrespect, unsatisfactory working conditions, and social stigma. However, no respect and protection and healthy working environments can be appointed gratis. The flip side of the elimination of social stigma was that the Thai ladies, via the union, had to police (and punish) themselves. In order for the industry (scum bucket whores), and the individual Thai ladies (skanks, cruisers, drug and brain addled, yaa baa cranked, mentally unbalanced nymphos, etc.) to garner the social and government respect that they wanted they would have to police (and punish) themselves.
Internal to the industry (whoring) and governing agent (whore union) women of not high enough standards of behavior would be identified and punished.
(2) Hence, legal catapulting. It was actually the whore union (centered in Pattaya) that went to the government in the year 2024 and recommended that whore catapulting be made legal. A 100% nude whore committee comprised of high-line girls from the Rainbow bar in the N.E.P. in Bangkok and the Superbabies bar of Soi Diamond in Pattaya presented a compelling argument to government house to the effect that legalizing catapulting of bargirls would put teeth in their union rules. Transgressors would be punished, standards would be enforced, the customers could feel relaxed, the union would get worldwide respect, monger business would increase, and humanity would be served.
In other words, liars, cheaters, and thieves duly registered with the union and caught with whore union I.D. cards tattooed on their person would be placed into catapults and blasted into space. See Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 201 and Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 202 for reference(s).
So, as of this year 2029, what is the result? Fxxxing highly satisfactory, that's what. There are whore launching catapults everywhere in the Kingdom. As an example in Pattaya: the most commonly heard English word (in about fifty different country accents) is "PULL". I kid you not. Remember the two offshore restaurants on the barges in Pattaya Bay? Forget that, they are now giant open air bars (capacity five thousand each) with twenty catapults each. All night long whore union representatives ferry lying ass bargirls out to the barges where drunk and happy farangs push them into pink water buffalo hide pouches and shout "PULL".
Remember the all day beach and boating trips you could take to Ko Larn island and halfway over you would stop at a barge the size of a tennis court for parasailing? History brother. Forget that. Now the barges are giant bargirl catapult launching platforms. You pay to help them up the metal steps when the whore union ferry boat brings out another load of last night's liars (she said she'd do it with no condom . . . ), you pay to put their little drunk-screaming-giggling-cell phoning-naked bodies in the pouch, and you pay to put the claws of the carpenter's hammer under the trigger pin and shout "PULL".
Where else? The beach in Pattaya is lined with catapults, the Maritime Park is full of catapults, the roof of the 2nd Road Marriott Hotel is choked with catapults (brochure blurb: sit out at night next to our pool and watch naked bad bargirls fly over on their way to splashdown or crashdown . . . ), and the dolphin statue has been replaced with a giant catapult that can handle mamasan weight (up to 250 lbs.) bargirls. This is also the spot to watch 'sisters' fly. As in: yes I will go with you and can you also take my sister? Stuff them both in the pink water buffalo pouch, pull down on the one hundred foot throwing arm with a pickup truck, and watch both whores take their flying lessons.
It's become big business. Bus loads of rule breaking whores (she told me she would pee on my head in the shower and then she didn't) are now being shipped in seven days a week from Hat Yai and Chiang Mai and all parts of Bangkok and from every small village and town in between. In theory, legal catapulting is only supposed to be relevant to Thai bargirl union members who have misbehaved. But women are now also being shipped in from Saigon and Singapore and Kuala Lumpur and Ufxxxistan and Phnom Penh and . . . it is getting kinda out of hand. But what a business. I own one of the offshore open air bar catapult barges in Pattaya Bay (Dana's Delight) and I am making a killing. Of course, I am also serving humanity.
So, that's a year 2029 update Stickmanbangkok.com fans and Dana fans on matters of farang-bargirl-Kingdom interest. Come on down to Pattaya and we will show you how to hold the lanyard to the trigger pin (new technology), jump up, and shout
I hope you make lots of money from your Dana-patented catapult!