Scared By The Brokenman
I am loath to comment on other people’s submissions, but The Brokenman and the Curse of Mamon submission scared the shit out of me, and, along with Stickman’s entreaties for more submissions, I will, for better or worse, say why it scares me so.
What scares me is how one can ever be sure that a relationship with a Thai woman will ever work. That is what has prevented me from now ever getting more than cursorily involved. The differences and cultural pitfalls are just too great. Brokenman seems to know what he is on about, an intelligent thoughtful chap, who has been around and done his research. But look at what has happened. I feel terribly sorry for him. God forbid, it could be anyone of us in his situation. My worst nightmare comes true. I really, really feel the guy. And then there is the financial cost. I can’t believe how much he has ended up spending. And all for nothing … indeed less than nothing, he would have been better off if he had never started. Being a good guy doing the right thing, I fear there is much more pain and heartache and financial expenditure to follow.
The following morning I read Brokenman Busted and that was a real eye opener. As Stick said, it was self-righteous and over the top, but contained a lot of home truths. Too many of the home truths made me think about my situation and how I stacked up. I am not a sex tourist, and I lead what I consider to be an interesting and fulfilled life in a warm country, but it is not Thailand and never will be. I am pretty sure that if I married a Thai woman and brought her over here before long she too would be bored shitless. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. Unless she got a fulfilling job – unlikely given their poor English skills – or had an absorbing hobby – and I don’t mean surfing the net or eating or sleeping – her life won’t be nearly as exciting as it was in Thailand. And that would sooner or later spell trouble.
I have dated many women in Thailand, from woman who never finished school to PhDs, poor women, rich women, low status, high status – the whole gamut. In all cases the cultural differences were so great I couldn’t imagine them successfully living with me in Australia. Very sad, but, in my opinion, also very true. A close Thai friend of mine who I previously wrote about and who is now married to an Australian and who has been living here for almost four years illustrates this point. She is bright, hard working, generous, friendly and eager to succeed. Despite completing a post-secondary course of study in Australia she has yet to find any meaningful employment. Her husband works hard all day and is out and about while she is slowly going stir crazy at home. She loves this country but doesn’t have the money to travel, has a very limited circle of friends and misses the food and her family and her friends back home. She spends most of her time on the net chatting to family and friends in Thailand. She assures me she is happy and still in love, and for her sake I hope it is true. But I am pretty sure that this wasn’t the sort of life and lifestyle she envisaged when she first came and settled here.
Then Anonymous in Brokenman Busted brought up the thorny issue of a failure in your home country equates to failure everywhere. This hurts. I am not a failure here. I have successful relationships here and have no problem meeting and keeping western women of various ages. It so happens that I prefer Asian women, for a number of reasons. Perhaps even being successful in the west is no guarantee that you will be successful with Thai women, the differences just run too deep.
So that is why I am leaning more and more to Filipina women. Sure I enjoy Thai women and I will continue to visit the country and meet them and spend time with them and enjoy their company. But marry them? No way. It is just too risk, too scary, and way too expensive. And after the sex palls, what is left? But then when it comes to matters of the heart, reason and sanity are the first to go out the door.
I wish the Brokenman all the luck in the world. He is going to need it. I would hate to be in his position. Indeed it is the fear of getting into his position in the first place that stops me having a committed and long-term relationship with a Thai woman.
I bet Phet's story scared a lot of people. He is a very nice, charming (and having met him I can confirm) gent in decent shape. If a generous and very reasonable guy who can laugh at himself and who doesn't take life too seriously cannot make it work then sure, that is reason for others to be concerned…