Goodbye, Sorry I Fell In Love With You

P***** suay, I am sorry to say that this is the end of whatever relationship we had. I will miss you always, and I not ashamed to admit that although I am a big strong guy, you have caused me a tear or two.

You know, and I know, that we didn’t get together because of sex. You weren’t a P4P girl, and if you were I would not have been interested. We were both a long way from home. Yes, you are beautiful, and you know you captured
my heart. All my prior resolutions – ‘don’t get involved’ – went overboard.

When you told me, early on during one of our many hour-long phone conversations (we were only a couple of hundred of metres apart but we had some deep conversations) that you had a son, and called it ‘my secret’, all I felt
was happiness. Next day I was on the phone to my pension office to confirm how things would be if I married you and adopted your son.

Just a couple of times we slept together. For me, it was wonderful. You know, because I’ve told you (and I never hid anything from you) that P4P doesn’t do anything for me any more and I know that you enjoyed things as much
as I did.

I am sorry that I interfered with your life. Perhaps it was wrong of me to buy you an air ticket back home rather than see you suffer here every day.

And I’m sorry if I made you unsettled. Maybe you had reconciled yourself to working for another three years on the shit pay and conditions and hoped for something better at the end of it – or were you just doing it to fund your
Mum’s retirement?

Certainly you made me unsettled, because for the first time since my divorce several years ago, I met someone I could be ‘faithful’ to and wanted to settle with (yes, I would marry you – tomorrow – and adopt your
son). Did I ever tell you that I went to see the fat old cow who runs the ‘Marriage Office’ here and patiently waited and politely queued while I found out everything we’d need to marry here?

You are beautiful, no doubt about that, and you are much younger than I am.

I had dreams, and perhaps that’s all they were. Since you’ve been back in Thailand our communication has been very limited – but you know how to ask for money. Every reason you gave for needing a little ‘help’
I readily believed (or at least I suspended my disbelief) and I was happy to ‘help you out’.

P**** suay, I fell in love with you. The times I enjoyed most were the times we walked hand in hand by the sea and the times I used to cook you breakfast. You wore jeans, no make-up, and that is when you were most beautiful to me.

Now? You don’t even answer your phone. My SMS go unanswered. You don’t want to use e-mail to correspond. Maybe, towards the end of the month you’ll get ‘friendly’ again because you need some money.

Sorry, P**** suay, I fell in love with you. I would have moved half-way round the world for you. I would have married you, adopted your son, and done everything in my power to give you the best life I possibly could.

Obviously, it was not enough. I don’t know what more I could have done. You know that I am no ‘butterfly’ and you know (Momma would quickly tell you) that since I met you there has been nobody else.

But, my lovely, this is going nowhere. I would move to Thailand tomorrow to be with you – but only to be with you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met (let alone made love to) but that’s not enough.

So I must apologise and walk away. The dreams I had (and I thought we shared) were obviously only dreams, the plans we made in all those hours we talked together just turned to rat-shit, and I have no idea at all how to get things back on
track.

You are a wonderful woman. I will miss you always, and always think about how my life would have been if I had spent it with you. You are, and always will be, my ‘dream’ Thai girlfriend.

I am sorry that things did not work out for us.

Most of all, I’m sorry I fell in love with you.