After 16 Years Part 2
So here we are again, my new faan sow (girlfriend) has gone home to pack and having just had a shower it is time to get my shit together, give the room a tidy and meet her in the lobby as the taxi will soon pick us up. So while waiting I could not help but notice a western guy picking his key up at reception. The thing was he had a katoey and two girls in tow and was heading up to his room. Now my mind started to wonder about all the strange combinations he had in mind – whether he knew it was a katoey I am not sure but the thought did cross my mind to loan him my scissors just in case, or wait for him to come back from his room and if he is walking bow-legged then for sure he found out. Not that I have anything against them, on the contrary I find them very entertaining.
While still deep in thought about this, the next thing I know my temporary fann sow has turned up looking delightful but I could not remember her name. What I do remember is by the end of the next four days I had decided on limby (little miss bankruptcy) because a few more days with her and that is what I would have been applying to the banks for.
So after arriving in Jomtien and settling in I had a few beers and hit the pool with my sow but she could not swim, not that I am any Michael Phelps but we are hardly in the middle of the ocean so I thought let's clean up and head into Pattaya.
By now it is dark and we get a tuktuk and I had got him down to 80 baht which I thought was a bargain so in the dark I thought I gave him a 100 and told him to keep the change. It wasn't until we got to a bar I realised it was a 1000 so time to be careful. So hand in hand we stroll down Walking Street and I was amazed at how busy it was and the amount of dickheads strolling along in groups trying to act tough. A lot different to Bangkok, it was a bit like a sausage sizzle but they seemed to be having fun.
It wasn't long before we were in some mall and she was looking at clothes, in particular a bikini. I mean she can't swim so where was she to wear it? In the bath? But she decided on one 900 baht then it was off to dinner a few more drinks. Back to the ATM, maybe they could strap one on our back at Customs? Saves the hassle of looking for one. Though what I liked about my new sow was she did not smoke (cigarettes), was not much of a drinker and was very modest about her body although she was petite she was rather ample out front and never wore revealing clothes. She really did not look or act like a working girl and also had very white skin for a Thai.
When we got back to our room my sow wanted to go for a swim as long as no one was there so it being late we were on our own I tried to give her a few pointers but anything deeper than the knees and it was like a flounder out of water. I could not stop laughing and nearly drowned myself.
So the next day we headed to Jomtien beach. I have never seen so many pale-skinned beached whales slowly turning into the color of a lobster while getting their feet massaged. It is a sight to behold. Now as we walked along the beach it came to my attention the amount of stares my sow and I were getting from both Thai and farangs and they were not just fleeting glances but lingering stares and my sow had on loose shorts and a loose top. Being a deep thinker and a people observer myself it took me until recently to work it out. See I don't give a toss what people think, never have, but in Thailand the lighter your skin color the higher your social status so maybe it his something to do with all the working girls from Isaan being dark? Although I look like I am in my thirties and am still fit, the beached whale farang girls were looking at me as if I was some sort of sexual deviant. I wonder if it occurred to them that I did not want a lard ass, pimply skinned, foul mouthed, chain smoking drunk, two-times divorced with 3 children to 3 different fathers by my side? Sorry, did I mention their shit hair? At least you will rarely see an unkempt Thai girl working or not. (Any way, enough of Doctor Harry's 666 reports with limited knowledge. That is what Stickman is on the big bucks to analyse.)
The next few days were pretty good – no hassles – just eating, drinking, swimming and shopping. Hey, nothing for me plenty of to and fro from the ATM but I felt recharged and the girls are just so sexy time to get back to my temporary home at Nana Plaza.
Now this is only my third week back to the LOB after 16 years and this was my first and last GFE. Now to me the reasons are simple. It just costs too much fxxxing satang once up in my room. The part I was dreading was the final bill – 4 days barfines
and her daily, let's call it allowance. Yes, back to the ATM now. It is great to share a meal, wake up together and have company but they do not seem to know the value of money with big lunches, dinners, drinks, taxis, shopping and if you
let them pay they love to tip or you just never see the change! Yes, a real culture shock and you constantly have your hand in your pocket. I guess that is the price of their company. Hey, I never charged her for my hairdressing skills, did I.
Now to my ex wife's credit and being part Irish at least she was as tight as a fish's ass when it came to money and even though she got most of it when we separated at least my children will benefit. Imagine giving a large amount to a Thai girl? It is beyond comprehension. Before leaving my room with all my ngeun sot (cash), my ex sow to be asked if I would like to meet her norng sow (younger sister). Now until I heard this she was already my ex sow but looking at my huge bed I figured there was room for one more so I said sure, why not, come back later.
So once she left and it being afternoon what better way to spend it than a few beers at The Dynasty and do a bit of people watching. I was on my third beer when this very attractive long-haired Thai girl came down the road. I still remember she had one
of those black hair ties on that keep your hair out of your eyes, dark skin which I actually like and reminded me of an apache so as she passed I caught her attention and asked if she would like a drink. This doesn't always work but it did
this time. I grabbed a few more beers and her English was pretty well non-existent as was my Thai but I soon worked out she was new to town and looking for a job so I asked if she played pool which she seemed to understand. See most girls I meet
if they can play pool it is a big bonus because I enjoy the game and usually any new sow I will take to Swan 1 a pool hall on soi 4. It's a great way to break the ice and they can talk with the girls who work there (also
as you know, always go the pink but if the red is in the way (red flag flying) you always have the option of going the brown which I have never taken up but do have a funny story about it. So as she played I gave her a good look over and have
to say she was one babe, great smile, yes, very appealing and I am a fussy prick though when wasted the opposite applies and anything seems to do which is a downfall on my behalf. So after a few games I asked if she would like to go to another
bar for a drink but had to stop at my room on the way to get some money so up to my room we go and to keep her at ease I left the door open and offered her another drink. As we sat and tried to converse there was a knock on the door which was
still wide open. Yes, my ex sow had bought her sister over to meet me and so now there were three girls in my room. That would normally be a dream come true but this was awkward the silence, sort of weird. The girls exchanged pleasantries
but that was it.
Now what do I do? Someone had to go! My little dark skinned apache or my pale skinned little miss Limby and her equally pale but attractive sister. I think my little apache sensed it and said she had to go which was a bummer. I have kept an eye out for her in past visits but no cigar. So after some discussion my two vanilla slices decided on Khao San Road for drinks and dinner so we found some restaurant and to my amazement they started drinking cocktails. I hit the Chivas. Could be a good night so after dinner and drinks and a few more bars her sister to my disappointment decided to go home so no hope of a threesome. The night had cost a fortune and I would have rather been with my apache, yes my first and last GFE, but why have a page when you can have a book? Now I know it was hardly a GFE as she was from a bar. It was only four days but it may as well been six months because you are expected to provide, after all you are the rich farang and they will expect you to pay for everything, everywhere, every time. That is the cost of their company. It's not brain surgery to work out. So it was with great relief that I was again single and back to my old ways. Yes, one would leave then another night two would arrive but it does get mundane after a while. You have nothing in common except your bank account. They have no knowledge outside of the bar, no aspirations, really nothing of interest at all. Put on a cartoon and they are happy for hours.To them that is world politics. But even so, take it for what it is and you will have a great time but the thought of having a relationship with a bargirl is beyond me! After a while you do need some mental stimulation and basically they bring nothing to the table. We farangs have the (ngeun) money so in essence also the (am-naht) power. Lose the ngeun and you will not only lose the am-naht but also your heart and soul as well. Keep your heart as black (jai dam) as their asses and you will have a ball. Have to say though after spending some time in Manila at Xmas, in particular Malate, it was great to get back to Thailand. It is certainly a safer, cleaner, and richer country. So it was time to do some soul searching. Chiang Mai here we, sorry, here I come armed with the scissors, baby oil, a bit more knowledge and the need to do some exploring outside of the gynecological type.