Stickman Readers' Submissions April 21st, 2009

A Western Female’s Perspective

I’ve been with my husband for 24 years this year. We are married with 2 kids, have our own business, house etc, etc. We are not business minded people, but through bloody hard work, we have a successful business which has brought its
own set of problems, primarily my husband’s health. It has totally consumed our lives.

I love my husband with all that I am, yes he winds me up, takes the piss, makes me bloody angry and we have fun, we laugh, have a healthy adult life and like all things, it gets better with age.

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We’ve only started to manage to get away as a family, because the business could afford us the luxury. We have friends who visited Thailand – Pattaya. We decided with the kids we should go to the other side of Thailand. We had
a good holiday. I say my hubby totally chill out. Being so far removed from it all, it was fantastic for me to see him so relaxed.

The next year we decided to go to Pattaya, but we stayed at Jomtien. Not as good as the first holiday, but we live and learn. Upon returning he decided to go back to Pattaya on his own with a friend for their new year in April. I didn’t
have a problem with this at all. I trusted him – even though my mind was racing. But I didn’t want my hubby 6 feet under, as before, he totally chilled out. Before I knew it he’d booked again, to in June, then again in October.

My trouble began after the first trip. He’d finally come clean that he’d been texting a Thai girl. To say I was shocked was an understatement, but he said nothing happened. Then I found out they’d been talking on the
phone and that really hurt. But through all this, I remained calm. I had to.

Anyway, that fizzled out. June and October trips came and went and he kept telling me nothing had happened. What could I do? I had to believe him!

Then this Xmas, we went away as a family, back to Jomtien. Arrived, quick wash and brush up and then out for the night. Only one person didn’t arrive back until 10 in the morning. Gut instinct alarm bells were ringing, but he fobbed
me off with some sorry tale. The third night I took our family back and returned to the bar in Pattaya where he was, only he was up close and personal with a BARGIRL! I didn’t cause a scene. I was very diplomatic, all the while this green
monster inside of me had horns and steam coming out of its ears.

The following morning I booked our return flights leaving him there. Told him why, had all the tears, but no, I was adamant.

Back in the real world we’ve talked. I’ve finally managed to get some truths out of him. I suspect I will never learn the full truth. He had been unfaithful in October and when I returned!!!! He doesn’t feel guilty doing
it. It just happened! He loves her, as a person, just likes the sex (yeah!) Utter crap, I know.

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I’ve remained calm, haven’t screamed at him – wanted to.

I’ve tried to get him to see sense – you are, at the end of the day, a business transaction to her. She doesn’t love you. She loves your back pocket and what’s in it.

That is what she does. It’s her job. You can take the girl out of the bar but can you take the bar out of the girl? All of this he agreed with, acknowledges that she’s probably with some other fella. He’s asked her to
wait for him and remain faithful (which I find two-faced coming from him) but yet the yearning for her is so great, what can I do? He thinks he has a future with her!! This is something that he said and he will have to live with if it all goes
wrong. It’s all his fault.

Inside of me I’m so enraged, bitter, sad and my self esteem and confidence have all gone. It’s affecting my health now yet I have to remain strong for my kids.

I do think he’s having a mid life crisis. Will I be there when it all goes pear shaped on him? Who knows. All I know is what goes around comes around and oh boy, do I want to see that.

I thought I knew my husband but life has a way of throwing you off course and by Christ, he’s certainly gone and done that.

I cannot preach to you fellas out there, but please think of what you are throwing away!

Think with your head that’s on your shoulders and not the head that’s on the end for your dick!

Stickman's thoughts:

I told a Western woman recently who had just moved to Bangkok with her Western husband that she should convince him that they should return to the US now. She looked at me like I was a weirdo. Within 12 months I expect she will have a story that mirrors yours.

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