Stickman Readers' Submissions April 1st, 2009

A Fool Such As I

I just discovered the Stickman website 24 hours ago. I came across it as I was looking for some answers to a problem I have. My story is not original; I have seen it on many submissions to your wonderfully informative website.

I will give a brief synopsis of my story and then I basically just have one question at the end. I am hoping you can answer it or at least give me your opinion.

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I spent four months in Thailand. It started off as travelling the country and soaking up the culture etc. After seeing all the sights I gradually descended to the level of sex tourist. I am 38 years of age, British, never married (engaged once) and thankfully I have no children.

I didn’t get into any complicated relationships with Thai women; I kept my business dealings varied. I decided to move on to Cambodia with the view of spending a month there and then moving onto Vietnam and then Laos. After one week in Phnom Penh I travelled to Sihanoukville. That’s when the trouble started; that is where I met her. Let’s call her Daneth. I met her in a bar. At this stage I was tired of the whole bargirl scene (they call them taxi-girls in Cambodia) and the bloke I was with (an Aussie I met in Phnom Pehn) had moved down the bar to talk with a lady. Daneth approached me and kept pointing to other girls and asking me if I wanted a lady. I declined saying I wasn’t interested. She kept saying ‘You have lady, no problem. Lady working, you have fun’.

Eventually I moved away from her and sat on the beach. She followed me and sat beside me. We ended up sitting on the beach and talking until sunrise. She then offered to drive me on her moto back to my guesthouse. I was horny at this stage and invited her in. She agreed but said there would be no sex as she wasn’t a taxi-girl. After we eventually had sex a madness gripped me and I wanted to spend the day with her. We went to see Buddha (visited a local monastery) and then she took me to where she was living. She was 28 years of age (now 29) and had one child by an Italian twice her age. He was back home in Italy at this stage and had never seen the child. Why didn’t I run at this stage? To this day I can’t answer that question. She told me that he had been her first and that I was her third.

To make this long story short I ended up spending most of the next six months with her. Reading the submissions on Stickman has been an eye-opener to say the least. A lot of what I read has also been experienced by me with this girl. She would always have two mobile phones. I know I asked why at some stage but I can’t remember her answer. I was in love and only heard what I wanted to hear. When staying with me she would pop out sometimes to visit a friend for an hour or two and eventually come back five or six hours later apologising for being late.

Eventually the Italian arrived back over and she moved back to Sihanoukville to meet him on his arrival. She said she didn’t love him anymore but that he had been sending her $300 every month and she relied on him to pay all her bills and her rent. Here was my chance to get out of all this madness so what did I do? I moved down to Sihanoukville to be near her. She met me at the bus station and got me sorted with cheap accommodation for a month.

Looking back now I am embarrassed at my actions. I basically sat in the guesthouse all day every day getting stoned and waiting for her to call. She would call on the mobile and promise to call to me at 3 o’clock and eventually arrive at 6 or 7 o’clock. She would come in, take a shower, have sex with me and after staying an hour or so she would leave and go back to her child and the father of her child. She assured me that they were not sharing a bed. He was staying in the room next door and every night he would bring back ‘taxi-girls’ to his room. She claimed that it was tough for her as he was looking for sex from her but she wouldn’t oblige because she now had a new boyfriend, me. She told him that I was back home in the UK because if he knew I was here he wouldn’t give her any money.

Every time I was ready to pack all this nonsense in something would happen to keep me there. The Italian was going off to Phnom Penh for a few days so now she could spend those days with me. Another time one of her sisters was getting married and she brought me to the wedding. Apparently the Italian had no interest in going. I was the only barang there and I was made to feel very welcome in their little corrugated iron home. For those few intermittent days I would lavish attention on her and she would do the same to me.

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After the month lease was up I got it together to move back to Phnom Penh. Now she could tell him that she was going to visit her mother and spend a few days with me in the Capital. As I said, there were all the warning signs that have been mentioned on other submissions from other victims. I just chose to overlook them at the time.

The whole time I spent with her I never really gave any large amounts of cash, just the odd 10 dollars here or there but I suppose it all adds up. Then suddenly one day she told me she was pregnant. Did I want her to keep the baby or not? I paid for the abortion and when the doctor left the room I sat with her and held her hand. I remember thinking to myself how did I ever get into this crazy situation.

When I ran out of money it was time for me to return home. When saying goodbye she cried copious amounts of tears and I began to fill up too. She said that she would ring me every day. I didn’t know how I felt about her. I knew I was relieved to be going home and I also knew that my travel plans had not worked out the way I had planned them.

Back to boring old Blighty, cold, rain and recession. I am now unemployed and living back with my parents. I miss Cambodia, I miss Daneth. I know I’m a fool. She has been on the phone to me several times saying she misses me. The Italian is taking her and the child to Italy for a six month ‘holiday’. She says she doesn’t want to go. She wants me to return to Cambodia with money so we can work together running a restaurant. I have told her I have no money. She tells me to come over anyway and we can live on 2 dollars a day. The Italian will still have to pay her child maintenance so we can both live on that.

I got an email recently from the Aussie I mentioned earlier. He had drinks several times with myself and Daneth. One of his Cambodian lady friends recognised Daneth and told him that she, Daneth, has a Cambodian husband as well as European husband. She also used to be a ‘taxi-girl’ in the Walkabout Bar in Phnom Penh. I was stunned to receive this information. The next time she rang me I read her the riot act and told her I didn’t want to hear from her anymore. She kept on ringing me and like a fool I answered the phone. She denied all accusations and wanted to know who told me all this. I wouldn’t reveal my sources in case I put them in a compromising position.

She worked her charm on me and as I have no real proof, it was stalemate. Being miserable in the UK at the moment it is nice to receive phone calls from an attractive Cambodian woman practically every day.

As things stand at the moment, I don’t ever ring her; I don’t send her money, not ever. She rings me every day. At one stage she asked me for money to pay for the phone calls. I refused. She told me her mother was very sick and she was ringing from the hospital in Phnom Penh. I told her to ask her Italian husband for the money.

She insists on ringing every day and says that when she returns from Italy she wants me to come to Cambodia and live with her and the child.

My question is this: Why is she still investing time in me? That is, wouldn’t it be easier for her to forget me and move onto another barang fool? If it is just security she wants she could stay with the 60 year old Italian in luxury in Europe. To this day I don’t know if she is married to him or not. I know I’m a fool and my shit life at the moment makes me fantasise about being back in Cambodia.

Why is she still ringing me?

I genuinely loved Cambodia and I am thinking about returning there to do voluntary work and keeping well away from all the tourist bars. I don’t ever want to see her again but part of me is still totally smitten with her. Ah, a fool such as I.

Please can you give me your opinion?

Stickman's thoughts:

Presumably she has long since passed the point of realisation that financially you offer her little so with that in mind, she probably just plain likes you!

Bargirls can speak trash about others but in my experience it is unusual for them to make up stories about another being married when in fact they are not. If you were to pursue things for her you might want to consider getting someone in Cambodia to check out just what her domestic situation is, whether she is married to the Italian and whether there really is a Cambodian husband.

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