Stickman Readers' Submissions March 24th, 2009

The Moral Minority

Wise men say

only fools rush in

but I can’t help

falling in love with you

Elvis the Pelvis

I wanted to get into one of the issues that has been coming up since Maggie wrote her recent submission. The question of why men stray more in Thailand appears easy enough to answer, at least superficially, and I would suggest has already been reasonably answered by the simple enough equation of increased availability and therefore temptation, and a social climate that seems to accept and even encourage it.

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What really interests me is why these western men who would be much less likely to play up in their own countries suddenly develop an unhealthy dose of Middle Eastern / Latin / African etc machismo. Machismo is the word I will use to sum up all of those attitudes that lead up to one of the ultimate instances of favouring and privileging the rights of one sex over another. This is the idea that is ok and acceptable for a man to sleep around on his wife or girlfriend but not vice versa. Being the modern feminist that I am I would like to inform the readers that this is known as sexism. Men like sexism of the sort that favours them. So do bargirls. Both sexes like racism as long as they are in the dominant group but gee don’t we all hate it when we are neither favoured nor dominant. There are a couple of thousand stories on here that attest to this. You see from what I can gather bar girls do not see us as superior beings but merely as means to an end—their end that is. We are chattels to be used.

But we are men and we don’t like to used by the likes of bargirls so when we cotton on to these tricks we try to turn the tables and marry a sweet, conservative, moral, controlled (from her upbringing) woman who is naïve and believing. Isn’t that lovely. And since we are in Thailand we can also avail ourselves of the spicy types and all our appetites can be satisfied.

It almost sounds reasonable, a good honest reliable woman to cook and clean and look after us in return for being looked after herself in financial and perhaps some security of tenure ways and then some bad lying deceiving women to look after our other desires. The only problem is the lies that we tell to hide all this. The lie is the giveaway that we are guilty and cannot justify our actions except to others doing the same thing where no justification is wanted nor needed. The old birds of a feather rule applies. We wouldn’t pull it off back home and we wouldn’t pull it off in mainstream Thai life but we can pull it off with all the other mongers.

Now I can understand the machismo argument from the point of view of someone with psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies. These types of labels refer to individuals who are patently unconcerned about the needs or rights of others. With this mentality of course you can take any view you like as you are fundamentally unconcerned about how others might perceive you except as so far as this might impact on your own interests. I take it however that Stick isn’t describing sociopaths, just normal guys that have developed an abnormal idea and then rationalised it.

Is rationalising rational? No. It means inventing seemingly rational or plausible explanations for your acts, beliefs or desires, usually without your awareness that these explanations do not hold water. It is the opposite of actual rational thinking. So if a mate of mine was doing this sort of thing and then whinging to me that he was getting paranoid and jealous about what his girlfriend might be up to and losing the plot I would basically like to think I would tell him to bloody well wake up to himself and ask himself what the big deal was. After all, he is doing it himself and doesn’t seem bothered. In reality I might not actually say much at all as people’s capacity for stupidity and balmy thinking is so endemic that it might be more in my sociopathic interests to let the silly prick spin his wheels and even lose his relationship as he deserves to do by his own moral equation (if she did what I did I would sure leave the bitch ). Let life teach him a lesson and he can learn the hard way like the rest of us. Want another beer mate might be all I say?

So that’s my take on it. I have done it in the past but I choose not to do it now as I felt guilty then and I still would now because I can’t justify it. It contradicts the idea of fairness and we all believe in fairness. I can show you plenty who want more than their fair share but can you show me someone who wants less. I doubt it.

How on earth does Mr. Reasonable Man call this two faced idea that’s it alright for him but not her fair? You know it isn’t and that’s why you lie and deceive when doing it. Practically speaking you have to lie in order to be still able to have your mate and eat her too but to then to take the lie to the point that you deceive yourself as well. Hmmm? I will be watching you very closely buddy if we do a business deal. Your ability to unreasonably convince yourself that you deserve more and your propensity to lie to get it is already clear.

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So hear ye hear ye – Let the serial adulterers stand forward and justify this idea that’s it’s ok for them but not their wives in a cohesive reasoned argument then. Stand up and be counted outside the bars without your buffed up hansum man steroids working.

A couple of comments now on some of the other threads in this discussion. The dude from California (they do say the US is tilted and everything loose ends up in LA, ha ha) who wrote in recently with the pics is an exception. He used to try to justify it but now sees his philandering behaviour as a weakness / addiction and is trying to warn others of the consequences of following this path. Why? Once again it wasn’t the behaviour as such that troubled him it was all the lies he told and the fact it reached a compulsive stage. When looking at the headlights of that girlfriend of his in the black dress I could understand why one might become stunned and act like a skittled rabbit with no sense at all. I certainly feel an empathy for him as I know I am entirely capable of going down the same track and on my last two trips did very little mongering in order to avoid developing the very same addiction. At this stage however his life has not been ruined. He is not yet part of the Pattaya Flying Club or destitute and dateless. Although he told many lies to women in the past and his self esteem suffered accordingly at the time he does not have to judge his ongoing worth on the basis of this past behaviour. And he can always change it as he is trying to do. His final comment that he might go for a 30 year old Philipino instead of 20 year old Thai bar girls as a way of dealing with his addiction by, I suppose, slowing it down, is however like a gambler deciding to switch from horses to slot machines. Good luck with that one mate. Maybe you could just try soapies? Good luck with that suggestion too.

Some people certainly do seem to sometimes get away with all sorts of behaviour that others cannot. Some couples can make choices to not be up front with regard to certain aspects of their behaviour in a relationship and get away with a bit of dishonesty. Others collapse very fast if they try this. I have to laugh at these blokes though ‘hitting the roof’ like demented moths when they find out their dearly beloved was as deceptive as they are. By the way I wouldn’t mind giving some of the wives out there a good soapie either but it will be All Above Board. I promise I won’t fall in love with them or anything. Promise. I wouldn’t lie to you.

I suppose if the phoenix that has again risen from the ashes gets his catapult patented there might now also be some adulterers flying through the air along with unsatisfactory bargirls. Now that has all the beginnings of a truly successful marriage made in Thailand.

Stickman's thoughts:

You raise the point that I keep going back to. If some other bloke was giving these guys' other half the bone, just how would they feel about it? (Khun Holt, I'd *love* to hear your views on that one!)

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