Stickman Readers' Submissions March 26th, 2009

The Maggies Of This World

I can’t imagine any reader of the Stickman website not feeling some degree of pity for Maggie and the countless other women in the same predicament. Maggie appeared particularly knowledgeable of the bar scene in Thailand and I assume
this is because she has spent time with her husband in Thai bars and has extensively read Stickman’s website or she is in fact a fraud. But like BKKSW I will reply to the many “Maggies” of this world and put my opinion forth
for others to dissect and disagree with.

Maggie’s submission touched a very deep nerve in me because I do believe that if I am crazy enough to ask a woman to marry me then I sure as hell better do everything in my power to stay faithful and happily married to that woman.
But what happens when she loses interest in sex (post pregnancy or post menopausal) and I am just a worker drone going out to make the money to pay the bills and I don’t have a life anymore.

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It seems to me that staying single and having the ultimate freedom of the bachelor life going around care free screwing any time you feel like it will one day become empty and meaningless. But on the other hand being trapped in an unfulfilling
boring sexless marriage is just about as empty and meaningless as well. So what is a guy to do?

Human beings mate for life and generally speaking crave and thrive on deeply committed long term relationships with friends, family and their chosen long term sexual partner. But at the same time many men (and a lesser number of women) possess
a desire to be sexually active with an indiscriminate number of partners and also in some cases with members of the animal kingdom as one Stickman reader astutely pointed out. We humans are a bizarre lot. God sure was in a cynical mood when he
created us. Did he inflict such contradictory qualities to any other creature in his kingdom? At least the human female doesn’t consume us after she copulates with us.

I am living with a great girlfriend and she is about the closest thing I reckon I will ever find to a soul mate. She wants to get married and settle down, kids, dog, mortgage, usual stuff. I am not having the typical male attack of the willies
and scared of any form of commitment. I think marriage with this woman would be a wonderful experience to go thru. But the problem is that after 3 years together we have dropped back to “once a week”. I sure love Saturday nights
when she gets pissed and lets me do whatever the hell my evil mind conjures up, but hey come on… only once a week? So what happens in 15 years time when she is scales it down to “once a month”. And even then she needs to consume
two bottles of red to get herself in any kind of mood to enable intimacy.

Sex is definitely not the most important thing in a relationship (love, honesty, respect and hard work probably rate higher) but if you and your partner are not sexually compatible then it is a deal breaker. If over time you BOTH lose interest
in sex and fall back to once a month or less then there is no problem at all – you are still sexually compatible. Obviously the problems arise when it is only one party that loses their sex drive whilst the other party remains strongly
virile. I often laugh at situations that I become aware of whereby the woman loses her sex drive (often because her male partner does not know the meaning of foreplay and never bothered to take the time to learn it) but she does nothing to deal
with the problem and lets it disappear whilst at the same time she has a massive problem with her partner discretely going out to satisfy his carnal urges. She doesn’t want to have him sexually and she doesn’t want anybody else to
have him either!

A marriage is something that must always be worked on. Sex drive is also something that must always be worked on. Any time your sexual compatibility falls out of step, the marriage is in jeopardy. Many men can lose their sex drive but it
is far more common for women to lose their sex drive due to hormonal changes associated with pregnancy and menopause. It is the equal responsibility of BOTH partners to do everything they can to remain sexually compatible. This often means that
both partners must focus on the woman’s declining sex drive. One reader suggested threesomes to combat this problem – a rather enlightened viewpoint. Every couple will have to discover for themselves their own way for dealing with
the problem but both partners must assume equal responsibility.

So what about the Maggies of this world? Perhaps their sex drive diminished with age and their husband grew tired of the same honey pot. Then along came THAILAND. How can any boring mundane marriage compete with sex capital of the world?
Maggie’s husband is clearly hooked on Thai bar girls in exactly the same way as an alcohol addiction, drug addiction or gambling addiction and with exactly the same sad ending in sight. The answer to an unfulfilled marriage is not a romp
in the hay with Thai bar girls which will inevitably be as equally unfulfilling. Perhaps the answer to a messy divorce which leaves you broken and broke is a quick 3 week ego boost in Pattaya with the sex therapists that work in the beer bars.
But after you have had your fun and reminded yourself what it is to be a man again, you must head back to the reality of farang land get your life back together.

You do not migrate to Thailand for the pussy (as good as Thai pussy is). You migrate to Thailand with a well researched game plan for survival in a hostile environment and you will require many other essential elements in place to succeed
other than an infinite supply of Thai bar girls. Most of all you will need a plan for income to meet your expectations for your planned expenditure.

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As I write this email I think of the countless smart guys I know who left boring relationships with western women in order to pursue relationships with super hot Thai bar girls, only to be chewed up and spat out by Thailand. Invariably poorer
for the experience and wishing they had never set foot in the kingdom.

I feel sorry for the guys I know trapped in a boring marriage and dreaming of a way out of the drudgery. Thailand and Thai bar girls just ain't the answer to your mid-life crisis. Thailand is just an addiction that ends in unfulfilled
emptiness. I would suggest you sell the holiday house and buy and Aston Martin and pretend you were James Bond in a former life. You will lose less money in motor vehicle depreciation than you will on the costs of maintaining a Thai bar girl.

Just like many of the readers of this website, I have been addicted to the charms of the forbidden fruit of Thailand and I had to slowly wean myself off my dependence. I have had great experiences in Thailand and harbor many fond memories
but boy, the cost of my addiction to Thailand was immeasurable in financial and psychological terms. It has taken me 5 years to get over it and I am only just starting to see women as something other than an object placed on earth to satisfy my
sexual urges and stroke my ego. I know there is a chance in the future that if my girlfriend becomes my wife and then proceeds to lose her sex drive that I may find myself treating her as Maggie has been treated. Heaven forbid I should walk out
and leave her high and dry for the temptation of Thai bar girls. God I sure hope that is not a future that awaits me.

I think there is a vast difference between living in farang land committing adultery and living in Thailand committing adultery. As much as I don’t believe in cheating on my partner, I don’t think any man with hormones can live
in Thailand and not cheat constantly on their wife. Sadly it would be insane not to cheat. Of course there are the lucky few who seem to manage to keep their hands off the plentiful supply of local women but these are the rare breed who for some
reason are immune to the temptation all around or who successfully manage to deal with their Neanderthal urges and keep it in check. There is no way I would EVER consider living married to a woman in Thailand because I could not deal with the
guilt of living such a one sided relationship where I disrespected her so badly by screwing around on a constant basis. Thailand is no place for a typical farang to try to conduct a monogamous relationship. Why is it Thailand just brings out the
worst in us farangs?

Well if Maggie does genuinely exist then based on her submission I would give her a 50% / 50% chance of getting her husband back. He has as one reader put it “tasted the forbidden fruit” but he can be brought back from the brink
once Thailand has left him penniless and unwanted. As with all addictions he will never be “non smoker” but a “reformed smoker” who is permanently on the wagon. He may fall off the wagon again at any time in the future.
But it is definitely possible for him to go back to Maggie with his tail between his legs and start over again. The relationship will be different, but with no more or less problems to overcome and like all marriages will require both parties
to work equally hard to maintain its continued success. It would be pointless offering advice to Maggie about how to win him back because only she knows him and deep down she knows what it takes to get him back and how long she must wait for him
to get it out of his system. The only advice I would offer is to not let him have access to an unlimited supply of family money by re-mortgaging the home or selling assets because that will just prologue his charade in fantasy land and unnecessarily
line the pockets of Thai bar girls. Like all good addicts he will only consider returning to you once his access to money has dried up.

Good luck to you and to all the other Maggies out there.

Stickman's thoughts:

Before I got married I asked one friend who was married for any general advice. He said to speak honestly with my fiancée about what would happen after marriage and he said that one of the things to be discussed was the frequency of sex. He reiterated to me that if it is not discussed at that point in time then any time later on will be too late. I am not saying he was necessarily right but it was good advice.

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