So You Want a Thai Wife?
Starting an essay on a negative note is not good. It risks alienation at the earliest moment of trying to get a reader’s attention. But what the ‘heck,’ here goes.
I hate generalizations. I have never actually met one but there seems to be a lot of them. I read one, here on Stickman’s site that really got up my nose. “Issan ladies are all ugly”. I might have coped with a statement along the lines that, ‘Issan people are not the most beautiful in the world’.
I have seen some exquisitely beautiful Thai – Isaan ladies. This is also the case in every nation and culture that I have ever visited. There are always some beautiful women to be admired. Indeed, whatever the generalization; there are always exceptions.
Now this brings me to my next point. What have generalizations got to do with this essay? Well, it’s going to be full of them; because that’s what this essay is about.
To set the scene let's look at my background. I have a Thai lady (Isaan – I think you might have guessed that already, and yes, she is attractive!). I have been with her for 18 months. In this time I have looked closely at Thai – Foreigner marriages and relationships and this is what I have seen.
The Ladder Spider
This is a Thai lady who has made a decision to better herself through marriage to a foreigner. She is cool and she is calculating. Thai culture can be class conscious and a girl from a poorer or rural family may struggle to win a husband of wealth or standing in the Thai community (regardless of beauty or other assets.) This difficulty does not exist with foreign men who can and will marry Thai women from any class or position.
The Ladder Spider can make one of the most dedicated and adoring of all potential Thai wives. She will give herself 100% to her husband. You can also forget about all those other vices that foreign husbands spend so much time worrying about: – sleeping around or cheating, gambling or drinking. This is a lady who can be trusted with your wealth and possessions.
This Thai wife comes with just one drawback. In her search for position and importance, she struggles to know the net worth of her potential foreign husband. She will be somewhat, ‘flying blind’ and hence will, ‘take a punt’ and marry her first suitor. If this husband does not have the means to provide her with the house, car and gold that she desires, she simply starts a search for a new one. When found, the current husband is ‘dumped’ for whatever excuse she can come up with. You can rest assured, however, that it will be the husband’s fault. Of whatever meager wealth he has bestowed upon her, none of it is retrievable.
Whether it is husband number 1 or number 4, when she has married the ‘right’ man (or the right amount of money), she ‘locks him in’ and goes into ‘perfect wife mode’. If you are that man, you will never know the other woman that she can be. Oddly enough; if you are ‘that one’ and get caught in her web, you still get a great wife!
The Greedy Grasshopper
This is a Thai lady whose desire for a foreign husband is driven by greed. She wants the gold and will do pretty much whatever is needed to get it. Many of these ladies become ‘bar girls’ because they are ‘sold’ a story by bar owners that they can meet and marry a foreigner by working in bars (Phuket, Pattaya and Bangkok). For some, this works out and they do find their husband.
Some look for their future husband on the internet. Others ask friends or relatives to give them an introduction. The problem for the potential husband is the vice that brought her to him in the first place. Give her gold and she wants more. Give her a house and she wants a bigger one.
If you travel on business or go home to work, she will not go without! There will be a Thai boyfriend, gambling, drinking and much merriment. If she comes from the bars, she will be tempted to go back; just for fun or for more money, whatever. To understand all of this, you simply have to understand; her single motivation is greed. The greedy grasshopper is ravenous and never makes a good wife. (But an excellent girlfriend if you are a local Thai man!)
The Leash Kitten
She is gorgeous, she is young, she is sweet, and she is quiet and well spoken. When you meet this lady you cannot believe your luck. After a brief courtship she even seems to be falling in love with you. (Despite the considerable age difference).
In the kitchen the Thai meals really are something to write home about. Your clothes are washed and ironed every day. You can just dump them on the floor and she quietly and unobtrusively cleans up after you.
And the sex – wow! She is as cute as a kitten and as raunchy as a lioness. She is the antithesis of the western woman! Everything a wife should be. She even worships her husband.
The leash kitten has only one flaw. She worships her family more than her husband and more than herself. They dominate her life and they suck her like leaches. She cannot break the bond and can only see them as her responsibility. Whatever she has, she is prepared to give and to share. When you are her husband; then what you have must also be shared. And believe me; they incur every known ailment to mankind. Their brilliant businesses need just that injection of capital to put them in the big time. There are school fees, hospital fees, homes for elderly parents, motor vehicles; the list goes on and on and on.
The leash kitten has so much potential. She is what many seek in a Thai wife. If you take the bait, good luck, you will need it.
The Single Mother
I have no generalization for the single mother in Thailand. They are all different and they all have their own story to tell. What they do share however, is the handicap of trying to raise a child on their own. There is no single mother pension in Thailand and there is no state institution to hunt their ex-husbands to pay child support. Instead, they do the best they can and often return to the family home and are supported by their parents.
Few Thai men will marry a woman with a child. Some Thai women who have been married to Thai men do not want a second Thai husband, particularly if their first husband was abusive or a heavy drinker. There is a belief in Thailand that foreign men are more accommodating to divorced women with children. (I do not know how true this is; just another generalization that I have raised in this essay…). If you peruse the internet you will find many Thai single mothers seeking non-drinking Western men.
These women are not pushed into marrying a foreigner by their family, nor do they seek gold or status. Mostly they seek somebody they can take care of and who, in return, will take care of them. I have met many honest, hard working single mothers in Thailand who are still attractive and sexy. Where I come from, there would be hundreds of men lined up to meet them.
The drawback with a single mother is being able to accept someone else’s child. For some this is easy, for others it is not. If you are so inclined then these ladies might be where you should be looking.
I still hate generalizations, and I know; this paper is full of them. You will never find, ‘The Ladder Spider;’ ‘The Leash Kitten,’ or ‘The Greedy Grasshopper.’ They only exist in the ever changing shapes and forms of the wives of foreigners living in Thailand. As for the Single Thai mother, she is real and Thailand has many of them.
If you are looking for a Thai wife, be careful lest you be bitten, leashed or consumed.
Ha ha haha…