Another Letter to Maggie
I don't know how many of you guys read the submission from Maggie about her husband choosing a bargirl over her husband, but she included her email address, so I wrote her a letter, and here it is:
First of all let me say, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure this hasn't been easy for you. I'm guessing you included your email address because you wanted comments. Perhaps not?
Your comments sounded very much like my ex-girlfiend's <Freudian slip? – Stick>. We broke up a year ago after 11 years. It was going to happen anyway, with or without Thailand in the picture. Your husband sounds like me. Deep down, he's a great guy. It's just that Thailand is like drug. Once you're into it, it's like having tunnel vision. Like wearing blinders. You don't look at the big picture anymore. You're all of the sudden at the bargirl's level. They only live for the moment, and they only live "in" the moment. It's all about the money to them.
For the guy, it's all about the sex and the intimate closeness (even though he's paying for all of it.) It's not real. Nothing about Thailand is "real". She gives him something he craves. Control. Perhaps it's safer because he's the one in control. The money gives him control. Back home, he can't seem to control anything. He can't even control things in his own life. I think a man wants to be in control even though it may not be real. It's also about getting old. We can't control that either. In Thailand, no man is treated like he's old. All of the sudden, as if like magic, you are young again (in your mind) and all these young girls want you (even though you're paying for the illusion)! It's the ultimate drug for many men, and that includes me. I know I should stop. I can't and I don't want to. I'm planning more trips. I'm hoping I eventually get burnt out on it and finally will decide to stop, but for now I'm caught up in it.
My ex-girlfriend thought that I was purposely choosing Thailand over the people who love me back home. I just don't see it like that. Like I said. I've got those blinders on.
Maybe this is about control to you too. You suddenly have lost any control of the situation. Perhaps you have to let time pass. It's like your husband has fallen into a fast moving stream of water he can't control. You're watching him being taken down river by the swift current. Perhaps he'll make it to shore somehow and walk back to you, or he'll stay in the water so long, that he's he's miles away from you. Both outcomes are out of your control.
I'm writing this letter for two reasons. To help you and also to try and help myself understand what's happening to me. People don't plan things like this. There are so many outside forces on each person in a relationship.
I wasn't sure what kind of response I would receive back from Maggie. I thought that with all the anger she may have inside that I might get a real earful back. Much to my surprise, it was the opposite. She was very nice. She thanked me for the letter and thanked me for being so honest.
It seems like we don't read this kind of letter much on Stick's site. I think that is why it got so much response from the men out there. The letter hits home. There is definitely a downside to the Thai bargirl scene and the negative impact it has on spouses, friends and family back home. I suppose that damage is done whenever one of the two people have an affair. It doesn't just pertain to Thailand.
I'm a single guy and even I've even had a hard time dealing with the sudden availability of so many hot young women in Thailand. It's like they say…Too much of a good thing? or all things pleasurable are fine "in moderation!"
Perhaps Stick should have a link for the spouses, girlfriends and the families effected by the Thai bargirl scene. I don't know if I would find it pleasant reading though. I guess like they say, "everything in life has a downside" or, the saying… "For every action and each choice you make in life, there is always a price to be paid." I guess we all have to decide if all the girls are worth the price.
Guys have two brains so this decision can be very difficult at times! Unfortunately, when a guy is in Thailand, most of the blood flow in his body goes to his lower brain which leaves him "dazed and confused" in his decision making. I guess we could just blame this all on "poor blood flow." Perhaps a doctor would just give us diagnosis for "poor blood flow", and we could give this to our girlfriend or wife, and then they would not hold us responsible? Yeah sure! ha! Gee… maybe our insurance company would even cover this condition???? ….no, I doubt it! Sorry Maggie… when you're looking for excuses, almost anything is worth a shot!
The bargirl scene can be highly addictive and when a married man experiences it there really isn't a lot of good that can come of it. I am sure any Western women (be they girlfriend or wife) who read the original story will do everything possible to keep "their" man away from the bar environment…