A Reply to Maggie
As soon I read the submission by Maggie V, entitled "My Hubby Prefers A Bargirl" and Stick's reply, I felt an urge to pen one myself. First of all let me say that her situation and plight I can sympathise with because I've seen the scenario repeatedly in Thailand so many times. Stick says he became desensitised to the philandering of husbands in the LOS and I can see how this can happen living there but it does not lessen the pain for wives like Maggie V.
What Maggie should understand is that Thailand is a corrupting country for moral standards and had she realised this earlier and not gone there even for holidays with her family she would perhaps not be without a hubby. I say perhaps because I believe that a truly good marriage in all respects can't be broken up by a bargirl. Even an affair in Farangland would not be able to break up a marriage unless there were some problems between the spouses albeit unspoken.
If a husband is truly fulfilled in all respects by his wife then the worst hat could happen is a momentary lapse of lust and not a marriage breaker.
That's why I think Maggie needs some introspection and to look within to apportion blame.
It's possible that her errant husband may come back to the fold as she hopes but in that case she must review her own part in this calamity and change her own modus operendi in future so it won't happen again. In many cases when a husband returns his situation becomes untenable as the wife takes on a position of watchdog and holds the husband up to ransom as a price of taking him back. This would just guarantee a final breakdown down the track.
With regard to Stick's comments, this is a sad reflection of the mindset of farang men in Thailand and a corollary to this is some writers here who actually champion philandering and polygamy as a solution to their boredom with their wives. It's possible that some of these men are bored in Thailand full stop and their only outlet is to go around the nightlife traps and drink and get into easy sex which then can lead to problems in their marriages <Bingo, this is spot on – Stick>. Part of the problem living in Thailand for some of these men is that there's very little mental stimulation being offered in the LOS and too much emphasises on sex and drinking. The two can be a bad mix when your inhibitions are low and your morals are questionable.
Should you think I'm too puritanic I quote Stick here: '..when I look around me, the VAST MAJORITY of Western guys in Thailand are up to no good behind their wife's back. I am not saying it is right or wrong, merely reporting it as the fact that it is…'
Of course this is little comfort to Maggie (and her children who are the innocent victims here) but more subs by wives on Stick could possible raise the awareness of the dangers of Thailand to farang wives.
The other thing of course is to recognise that some husbands are so morally corrupted that their wives are probably better off without them. Some of them believe in 'open marriages' to enable them to continue philandering but of course the solution is to discard the idea of marriage and become a monger for life. That's if they'd want to be true to themselves and not try to have their cake and eat it too. There are many guys who live in Thailand or go there frequently and do exactly that; I have no problem with that. We must understand the distinction and not put the single guys into the same bracket as the cheating husbands, which is what this sub and Maggie's is all about.
Perhaps one of the most disturbing things in Maggie's sub came in the comments by Stick.
He says that he is desensitised to philandering as a result of living in Thailand. I think this is the case with most men there irrespective of single or married. One has to wonder why one lets their moral compass fail and at the same time recognises that fact. Why can't one live in Thailand and still adhere to your standards you believed in before you went there?
This is a fundamental question which should be addressed if you decide to continue living there. Have you got the will and intestinal fortitude to live in Thailand and at the same time not to let her corrupt you?
Have you got the guts to actually stand up to those who try to get you to go along with them in order to be one of the crowd?
How many men end up staying in Thailand because they let their guards down and it's too late for them to reintegrate into their former societies?
Is it too late for Maggie's hubby to reintegrate into his former marriage?
Questions for him and principles to ponder for the rest of us.
Excellent. I hope this submission generates more replies on the subject. (If you write a full-length reply to this I will bump it in the queue and run it immediately.)
My best guess is that 80%+ of the married Western guys I know in Thailand cheat on their wives. My feeling – and it is just that, a feeling – is that in the West maybe not even 10% of this same group would. I mean, there are guys married less than a year who cheat. I know one guy who cheated on his wife within a week of marriage. What is most amusing is that I have no doubt that some of these serial-cheating guys would absolutely flip if they caught their wife doing the dirty with another bloke. It's all kind of crazy. Thailand can corrupt the weak.