Valentines Day Special Part III, When it’s Right
The three parts of this series are opinion pieces. My opinion. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.
If you’ve suffered through parts I and II and are still reading this then you might be asking yourself “how do I know when it’s right?” How would I know? We’re all different! What I can share with you is how I know when it's right for me, and perhaps some of this will translate to you.
Love. What exactly is love? Once a group of us sitting around talking about this question came up with many different answers, but we didn’t all agree. After all, we’re different. Then, perhaps by accident, we came up with something we could all agree with. It's ‘love’ if you find yourself wanting to be with that person more than any other. It's ‘love’ if you want to be with that person because they make you happy and serene and you just can’t get enough of how she makes you feel.
For me, I enjoy a lot of time with myself. When I go to a restaurant I’d most often rather read a book than chat with a woman. Sure, when a relationship is new you chat away in the beginning and it's fun. But after a year goes by and you find yourself still wanting to chat with the same woman rather than spending time by yourself, then you know its right.
I know it's right when I find myself putting her needs above my own, and notice she’s doing the same for me.
It’s right when I no longer feel the need to keep parts of my life private, when I no longer guard my email, and I’m comfortable with her knowing more about me than I know about myself.
When our life goals are compatible, when we’re heading in the same direction, it’s right.
On the nights when you’d really like some activity and she doesn’t feel like it, and you find yourself accepting this with absolutely no negative feelings, perhaps because you know that most of the time she does feel like it.. then it’s right.
Sexuality is important, it’s something that should continue to improve over time. When you find yourself paying attention to her needs and thinking of ways to better please her, and she’s doing the same for you.. then it’s right.
Careers are vital. Hers is just as important as mine. Compatibility is important, but the willingness to give equal priority to each is key. When mutual respect and interest is shown, it’s right.
Sometimes we screw up, never intentionally and almost always by accident. It’s how you handle the screw up which matters. In her case I can see right away that she’s disappointed in herself because she let me down, and how can you get angry when that happens? When I screw up I remember her humility and return it in kind. When potentially explosive situations turn into smiles.. then it's right.
After some time I’ve started to notice an almost natural sharing of responsibilities when it comes to personal needs. When this happens without having to ask.. then it's right.
If her family could never be an problem because you not only agree with the way she was raised, but admire the family who raised her.. then it's right.
Often I’ll find her taking an interest in the books I read and the shows I like to watch. Women are great at just pretending to like such things, but when you find her reading the books and watching the shows when she’s not around you.. then it's right.
All these things are great, but nothing compares to the look in her eyes when I walk up out of nowhere and put my arms around her and hold her. True happiness cannot be faked. The light in her eyes, the expression on her face, and the willingness to stop whatever she’s doing and suspend a moment in time.. it's right.
Every ones life is unique, different actions, different reactions, they won’t necessarily be the same for you as they are for me. If you keep a clear head and can keep all the social stereotypes from influencing you.. you’ll know when it's right.
Until Next Time..
Lots and lots of good, honest advice.