Readers' Submissions

Valentines Day Special Part II, Manifestos

  • Written by BKKSteve
  • February 13th, 2009
  • 6 min read


The three parts of this series are opinion pieces. My opinion. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.

BKKSW

If I had a dollar for every submission on Stickman or posts on Thai related forums concerning sin sot or the behaviors of Thai women I’d be a rich man. It absolutely amazes me that grown “men” need to ask other men if a certain behavior is “okay” or “acceptable!” And I’m amazed even more when they seem willing to take the advice of someone they don’t even know about something so important to their happiness and financial well being.

Let me ask you this, would you ask these questions about a woman in your own country? I suspect most of the answers would be no. If not, then why are you so willing to accept behaviors from Thai women that you wouldn’t even consider accepting from western women? What logical explanation can you come up with to justify this? I can’t think of one. In the west, if I find my values, ethics, and goals incompatible with a certain women then I move on to the next one. And rightfully, I do the same in any foreign country when dating local women. Either a woman is compatible or not. You will NOT change a western woman and you certainly will NOT change a Thai woman. The best you can hope for is to alert her to what the predator needs to disguise or change, for just long enough to get married.

You don’t need a “dating guru” to know if a woman is compatible with you, or how to “control” her. You do however need a measure of self confidence, a pair of testes, and at least a bit of “obvious wisdom.” This is the most simple part to understand, if the woman exhibits behaviors incompatible with your values, ethics, or goals.. move on to the next one. No exceptions.

For obvious reasons this is very difficult to do for men lacking confidence or harboring other insecurities. Sometimes it’s also a lack of awareness or maybe even common sense. They’ve finally found a woman willing to share their bed and thinking they’ll never find another one they start doing stupid and destructive things by either just accepting unacceptable behaviors, or trying to control or change the woman. Often both. This never works and is a recipe for disaster!

Men are different from other men, they have different values, ethics, and goals. What’s acceptable and comfortable for one man, might very well be a deal breaker for another. This is why listening to others “manifestos”, dating gurus, and the such is fraught with peril and remarkably simple minded. Who cares what’s acceptable to someone else? Care about yourself.

When faced with an issue you’ll immediately know if the behavior is acceptable to you. You won’t need to ask anyone, much less someone you don’t know on some forum. If it’s a minor thing perhaps you’ll talk to her about it, especially if everything else seems in order and you have time invested in the relationship. Say what’s on your mind and watch her response. If it’s an “awareness” issue, something she just didn’t realize she was doing and once she does she immediately sees the need for modification.. then great. If you need to argue or debate the issue, move on immediately!

This also goes for the bedroom. Either you’re compatible or not. Maybe you like it once a month and she being 30 years younger would like it a few times a week. You’re not compatible. No one should be expected to suppress their natural sexuality for any length of time, much less “forever” in a marriage. And she won’t. She’ll express her sexuality with or without you.

A predator will be whatever you want her to be, for just long enough to get married. If you like certain bedroom activities and she doesn’t, move on. If she seems willing to experiment and actually seems to be enjoying herself, perhaps she’s worth a bit more of your time. For the most part, by the time adults meet up and jump in the sack, their sexuality is already well defined and you should immediately know if you’re compatible or not. This isn’t an area to ignore. It’s just as important as any other part of the relationship.

Thai women have certain traits you can almost count on. Family being of high importance is one of them. Having children is another. It would be a rare Thai woman indeed who doesn’t have both of these traits, so if these traits aren’t important to you, or worse if you think they’ll make you unhappy, then move on. Maybe look elsewhere other than Thailand. If you think that perhaps you can reach a compromise on these issues then sit down and talk about it. At the first sign the compromise is breached, move on.

Again, there are different types of men. There are men who actually feel comfortable being controlled by women, having them make all the important decisions, and have never learned to say ‘no’ to a woman. Perhaps they miss their mommy. These are the sort of men who fill the local forums with silly questions on what’s “acceptable” and devising “manifestos” or quoting “dating gurus” because the only thing they know for sure is that something isn’t right. So they look outside themselves for answers only they can know. It’s all rather pathetic.

Then there are men who like to dominate women, control their every move, make all the decisions. Maybe they hate their mommy. These men tend to be even more insecure if that’s possible. They mask their insecurities by trying to control things that should never need to be controlled if in a relationship with the right woman. They check their partners email, mobile phones, and do other sneaky things to check up on them. They try to restrict their friends to those they approve of, or even restrict when they can leave the house and where they can go. Unfortunately many relationships of this type include abuse of one type or the other, maybe several types. All too often they end in tragedy.

And finally, we have men who are comfortable sharing control, decision making, and goal setting with women. These men know what they want from life, what type of woman will fit into their life in a positive manner, and they aren’t willing to compromise on such important issues. Why does this type of man appear to be so rare?

Keep it simple. YOU will know if a woman is right for you or not. The second you feel the need to ask someone else if a behavior is “acceptable”, then you already know she’s not the one. Move on. For heavens sake have enough confidence to know yourself, and enough testosterone to move on when necessary. This isn’t rocket science.

Until next time..

Stickman's thoughts:

Very simple advice but absolutely true!