Readers' Submissions

Valentines Day Special Part 1, Predators: A Reply



First, I bow my head to the superior knowledge and experience of BKKSW, and – of course – to that of Stick as evidenced by the quotes.

Second, I agree absolutely with the points made in this and so many submissions about where one meets Thai girls. I have no experience of this.

Third, I agree whole-heartedly with BKKSW about marriage (I think, but I may wobble when it comes to the crunch).

But where does this leave me?

I met my Thai ‘girlfriend’ in a country foreign to us both (Cyprus).

I really have no idea whether she was ever a bargirl – but I know that at one time she used to dance on a raised stage. I know that at some time, somewhere, she was ‘Miss Harley-Davison’. She likes nice clothes, watches (fake) and nice underwear. I know that if I bought her nice underwear she felt that I deserved to see it, and to take it off. She is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, whether she is dressed in traditional costume for work or just a tee-shirt and jeans. I had a bit of a hard time from friends who thought she was 18/19. She is 28. And yes, she is from Isaan.

I know that she has a son, 8 years old, because she told me (in tears) one evening and fully expected me to walk away. I know that she is not a subservient Asian girl, because on our first date we agreed ‘50/50’. When we went on dates (rarely because of her work schedule) she always had enough money to pay (but of course I always did, I’m an old-fashioned guy).

She was certainly not a ‘honey trap’ – we spent just two nights together because normally she lived with her Mum in a staff apartment. Yes, she obviously had some experience but no, not a lot. And she had some weird and naive ideas.

Most days we met for breakfast (at a restaurant, or more often she’d come to the apartment and I’d cook), in the afternoon (we spent a lot of time sitting by the sea and talking) or after her work, where we’d spend time sitting by a log fire and talking, holding hands and that sort of stuff.

She told me a lot about her life and it wasn’t all good. Most of it was verified by her Mum, who still lives and works here. Sometimes, after I’d walked her home she and I would talk on the phone for hours. Many times she would have tears and we would talk until the sun rose.

And, of course, I fell in love with her. Not because she was Thai, nor because she was great-looking, or because of her body or any of that stuff, just because she was a woman I adored and … oh well, you get the point.

Here, as an Asian woman, she was treated generally like absolute crap and this wound me up more than a little. Her work contract was a joke and I got more than a little pissed off when I found that she had apparently signed, and it was witnessed by the Thai consul, two weeks before she even arrived here! She had health problems, issues, and she was crying every day. I was in love with this woman (ok, and I still am) and something needed to be done. She loved her Mum, of course, (I like her too) but she had very mixed feelings between her obligations to her Mum, her obligations to her son (and Mum has made it absolutely clear she has no feelings for the child whatsoever) and her obligations to herself. Have I confused this all in her mind and mine? Probably.

And so, in early 2008 I went to a travel agent and bought two one-way tickets to BKK. This was, I was sure, the way to do it, even if we had to lie to her Mum and her employers. Just take her away, get her out of this shitty third-world country masquerading as a new EU partner, and things would be fine, or would they?

Well, no, things didn’t go according to plan, but that’s another story

So here I am in Cyprus and there she is in Thailand. We talk most days and we (I) hope that we can put a future relationship together – but where and how I don’t know.

To get back to the point about where you meet your Thai ‘lovely’ – we may be different. Was she ever a bargirl? I don’t know. She certainly danced somewhere. Most of her friends are my age. I really don’t know – but I do know that so far my feelings for her are strong enough to keep out of the way of temptation from Filipinas and others here.

Perhaps things would have been easier if I’d met her in a bar and I could have followed all the good advice here.

For now, I just don’t know …

Stickman's thoughts:

What I find a little disturbing in all of this is that her mother tried to convince her not of her obligation to her own child but to her mother. That is warped…