The Whore That Loved Me

I would often joke about how I had made every mistake in my life but one. Thirty-five and still single after growing up in the sixties with what else but sex, drugs and rock and roll predominating my thoughts. Somehow I had survived Woodstock,
then rolled around in my van for a while before finally settling in S.F. and opening a small coffee shop where I slept in the back. One of the important lessons I learned at that early age was that you get a lot more women being the owner of even
such a small enterprise as pushing cappuccinos. When I sold the shop my luck with the ladies quickly dried up. Big lesson!

With some money in the bank getting 12% interest (and a free toaster), it was time to see the world. Well, the Philippines and Thailand to be more precise. We all know what happened then! A few trips back and forth, and I was in Thailand
“for good”. I was living in the Magic Kingdom. Amazing Thailand! It was the early days of Patpong and whorehouses with names like No. 99. They would bring out a few girls for you to choose from, then you went into a grungy room and…thank
you, bye bye. After a few months in Bangkok I was off to Chiang Mai, which I like a lot more since I am not the big city type. I was living in a 30 baht a night guesthouse, trying to learn Thai from my AUA language book, and strolling down the
road to the Sayuri “Entertainment Complex” for a massage. The difference from today is that back then the girls were young and slender, had no tattoos and were polite. And, there were more than one or two nice girls to choose from.
I rarely had great experiences paying for it though. I am one of the unfortunate ones that are always looking for some connection; fantasizing that this sex worker is going to like me, get turned on…you know what I mean. Sure, once in a blue
moon I’d get a newbie that did it like she did with her boyfriend. Wow! But they are never the same after a week or two of experience and guidance from the “pros”.

Anyway, my Thai was poor, and my knowledge of Thai ways not much better. Going out with a Thai girl 20 years ago was not easy my friends. I would go to flirt with the sales girls at Tantrapan Department Store, a landmark long departed. Did
I have any luck? Nope!

So one day I walk into the original DK bookstore on Tapae Road and some pretty salesgirl smiles at me, speaks a little English….and to make a long story short: I complete my list of mistakes made in life! Most of the guys I knew then (and
many are still here), did the same darn thing at the same age. Get into the mid to late thirties without a mate and how many men have decided to “settle down”? The playing around is fun for a while, but I think most of us (farangs?)
want someone to share our lives with (whether or not this ever works is of course the subject of endless debate). Many of the relationships I see that have continued I can only say that I could not live like that. Back then some of us still had
our occasional day time excursions as well. So what more could a guy want? The only problem was that I took my wife and young daughter to the States as it was almost impossible to make any real money here. So what did I have? My wife had a great
smile, didn’t bitch or ask for money and cooked dinner. And…she was boring. College degree or not, she had no real interest in things to the extent that (some) farangs do, even after eight years of living abroad. She was a willing companion…but
there was never any stimulation after the original “honeymoon”.

After a putting a few more dollars in the bank it was time to move back to Thailand. I was not happy, and when I am not happy I move. Did I know that one day I would pack my bag and announce to my wife’s astonishment, “I’m
leaving..”? No, not really. But the seeds were there for a long time. (I will not go into details here to defend my decision.)

It was on one of my night outs that I met “the wicked witch”, a terribly cute but not so bright college student beginning to freelance at a bar near the night bazaar. By this time my Thai was finally getting a little better,
as were my extra curricular activities. Gone was my youth but out came my charm. And you gotta speak the language and understand how Thais interact to succeed with the ladies (bar or otherwise) on a different level than the sex (money stupid)
tourist. Oh, Nung was sweet. She was affectionate. She was extremely jealous! She was the wicked witch! (my girlfriends that followed were known to my friends by my affectionate nicknames. There were wicked witch, mountain girl, and psycho 2…to
name a few. Nung was just the catalyst when I walked out of a very long, well, lets call it a learning experience. I recently told my new girlfriend that I would marry her if we are still together…in ten years! Ha…I will be too old to care
by then.

Nung began what was for me the real education of living in Thailand. I was 52 years old and had been married for 16 years to a Thai that preferred speaking English. Now I was forced to speak Thai. We even sent messages in Thai letters. It
was great. Kit tung tee rak. Ja ma ha gee mong? If I did not answer her repeated calls she would go out looking for me. She went bah! And the crazy thing is when they are bah for you…you feel great! Excited! You become bah too! (yes, I know that this is not the most healthy state of mind ). Because one day they storm past the guard and come pounding on your door at 3 in the morning. Or they scratch your car. Yes, your education has begun. At that time I did not
know about the Stickman website. Now I read the Readers' Submissions ; laughing or sometimes just shaking may head. Of course by now I am a wizened old fool, still fishing for love but in more varied pools than in the past.

There is no need for me to go on and on about Thailand and Thais and Thai women. The readers' submissions pretty much cover it all…and so I just add my little story. For me, life here really began with The Whore That Loved Me.