Stickman Readers' Submissions February 23rd, 2009

Thailand 2005

I have been encouraged by my brother to write my submission about my experiences in Thailand. My brother felt that some of the submissions he had read on Stickman's website were very negative. I decided to have a read and even found one an old friend had written. I was shocked! One submission had repetitive, endless stories of dark sleazy experiences. By the time I'd finished reading that I was filled with horror and I couldn't get the vision of that dark, seedy world out of my head. Inhuman, disgusting, horrid and negative. I shook my head to try and clear my mind from the horror I'd read. I thought to myself “was that really an account of the place that I visited on my honeymoon in 2005???”

Ah yes! Let's start at the beginning, say 1996. I'd read the book The Beach' and loved it. But back then I never thought of any holiday apart from Majorca so I certainly didn't entertain the thought of a 12 hour flight to Thailand (I'm afraid of flying!). I still loved the book though – some of the beautiful images stayed with me for years!

mens clinic bangkok

Fast forward to the year 2000. On a dark, cold, cloudy February day in Birmingham I met my brother at the Arcadian Cinema in Birmingham (sadly closed down now) and we saw it together munching tons of popcorn and slurping ice cold coke. What a movie! The scenery was stunning and I'm not just talking about Francois in her bikini! I loved it, loved it, loved it! And the bit where I saw a double of the nurse I'd shagged the year before in Malia (Crete) made me stand right to attention! Anyway the beautiful visions of that film stayed with me and when I got back to my icy cold ground floor bed-sit, sipped my hot cup of tea and visualized the beautiful beach from the film (with Francois on it of course!). I still didn't imagine it possible for me to visit a place so far away. I couldn't think further than Greece back then!

Then in 2003 and 2004 my old friend and my broski visited Thailand 4 times. Yes, four times in 2 years. The first trip was 2 weeks in Pattaya. The second was 2 weeks in Pattaya. The third holiday was 2 weeks in Pattaya (do you see a pattern here!?). The forth was an epic 2 month journey to Bangkok, Koh Samui, Phuket, Pattaya and Bangkok again.

My brother's outlook on life completely changed. He used to be dedicated to his gym and boxing and had his feet and mind rooted firmly on the ground. He was impossible to contact unless you rang him after 22:30pm as he trained 7 days a week. My old friend had a great job, a nice bit of cash and a gorgeous flat. He had it well sorted.

After the Thailand experience my brother changed. He had loads of time for his family and friends. Jacked in the rat race to write his book and play the guitar (he still gyms it 3 times a week). He became spiritually enlightened, a positive happy guy that everyone likes to hang around with. My old friend lost his job, lost his money, got thousands of pounds in debt, became drug addicted, became reclusive and lost his way. So as you can see, Thailand can be positive or negative, it just depends on how you take the experience. If you become addicted it can destroy you. If you take it as it is and don't cling onto it, it can enrich your life. The choice is yours. You can choose how it affects you. Please choose to have a positive experience. Don't get yourself into debt and lose your house and your job and live in denial etc, etc.

Anyway in October 2004 my fiancée (now wife) went to the council offices in Brighton (I relocated to Brighton in 2003) to set a date for our marriage (in May 2005). We weren't bothered about a honeymoon and I was just going to book 5 nights in Rome as we wanted to save money to buy a place. But one night after a boozy night down the Lanes, Emma and I staggered out the pub and I got chatting to this guy who'd got divorced recently. We chatted about me getting hitched the next year and he was shocked when I said I was only going to Rome for my honeymoon. OK, I admit there is nothing wrong about Rome; it's a fabulous city break. But a honeymoon (said this guy) should be SPECIAL, something AMAZING that you will never forget in your entire life. Have the greatest adventure of your life (he said) you will only regret it if you don't. Also at that time my bro and my old friend had gone to Thailand for 2 months. Every weekend my bro would ring me with an update of what was happening. Me being a mediocre writer cannot put into words these fabulous enlightened conversations with my bro. His voice was as calm as the stillest lake and in his voice was the amazed sound of someone who has just discovered a great treasure that he didn't know existed. After a couple of weeks of these (sometimes 2 hour) conversations I made the decision. I have got to go to Thailand for my honeymoon. Realizing that the misses was also going on a honeymoon I thought I'd better run it buy her to see if it was OK (I'm under the thumb!). She was totally fine so I went to book it.

I shouldn't plug Thomas Cook but I will. I went to the one on London Road in Brighton (which has long since closed down) and over about 5 visits I got it booked. The reason I took so long to book it is because I didn't know what to book! My brother had recommended Bangkok for a couple of nights (as you arrive there after a 12 hour flight). He also recommends Koh Samui. He didn't recommend Pattaya for obvious reasons. My seasoned traveller friend at work recommended Chang Mai. My fiancée's friends recommend Krabi and Koh Phi Phi. My old friend recommended Phuket. So as you can see it was difficult to narrow down. My first trip to TC I came out with a quote for 3 nights in Bangkok, 3 nights in Chang Mai, 3 nights in Koh Samui, 4 nights in Koh Phi Phi and 1 night in Bangkok. In the end after ages of advice from TC we decided on 3 nights in Bangkok, 10 nights in Koh Samui and 1 night in Bangkok. I tell you what, I loved those visits to TC working out the holiday – it was all a part of the adventure!

To cut the story shorter, after a fabulous wedding (the best ever apparently!) we had a day off (to recover from getting pissed into the ground) and my new wife and I were driven to Heathrow to start our trip.

wonderland clinic

As usual, waiting for the flight I was shitting myself and went to the bog about 70 times! There was nothing left in me I can tell you! I was so, so scared about flying for 12 hours. My last flight the year before to Hisaronu, Turkey (worth a visit) the 4 hour flight had almost killed me. I became so religious and really thought my plane would crash. I am my own worst enemy. Anyway, I had nothing to worry about. As soon as I saw my Thai Airways airplane I knew that I'd have no problems at all. It was HUGE and so, so gorgeous. Being greeted by the Thai steward and stewardess dressed in their stunning silk suit and kimono made me think “OH! This is different!” I truly felt like I was experiencing something new.

The flight was as good as a 12 hour flight could be (in fact everyone was wrong, the flight there and back was only 11.5 hours!!!). We had a menu on the plane (unbelievable – a menu on a flight!) and I had a Thai red curry. Absolutely gorgeous! I was enjoying this! And when I went to pay for a drink I was told “It's a free bar, sir”. I put my wallet away and we got pissed out of our faces! But seriously readers, I don't recommend getting pissed too soon on the flight as after 4 hours my wife and I came down' from feeling pissed, so the next 8 hours were murder until we got through it.

My brother always said that Bangkok had a unique cabbage smell!' When we landed in the early hours what could we smell? You guessed it, cabbage!

We had a free minicab that took us deep into the heart of Bangkok. Again I shouldn't plug this, but under my bro's recommendations we arrived at the Landmark Hotel. To me, from years of experiences staying in shitty, shithole apartments in Shagaluff and Malia, the Landmark looked like a vast palace, endlessly stretching up into the rainy Bangkok skyline. The gold lettering announced to me a new frontier of experience.

I could give you a whole submission of my experiences in that hotel, but I won't as this story is really about Thailand, however to me, the Landmark was the best hotel that I've ever stayed in. The first full day we didn't leave the hotel. Normally this would be and absolute waste of time, but not to us, lounging in our junior suite, swimming and sunbathing on the 10th floor, drinking Singha beer and eating Thai noodles in the English style pub called the Huntsman' in the basement. Wow, what a day! At around 21:00pm hours we decided that we had better peep out of the hotel as technically we should have been enjoying Thailand, not the hotel hospitality. Well we walked up the cold white marble steps of the basement and out into…Blade Runner!? Yes, the atmosphere of Bangkok at night is the same as Blade Runner. We just stood there stunned, watching the life, the action play out in front of us and it was so hot! Dazed and confused we sat down outside the Landmark and had a few more beers. This view was better than any movie!

For the guys that are interested…I noticed loads of good looking Thai totty giving me the eye…until they saw that I was with a woman. They politely looked away then. I was under no doubt that had I been here with a mate that I would have got hooked up that night. (On a different, negative note, it sort of depressed me to see these big, old, fat American businessmen going out with young Thai girls. Not a pleasant sight).

I'll go a bit faster now with my experience.

The next day we had a great tour around the Grand Palace, all golden spires shimmering in the sun. We stayed for a moment in the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. It was a magnificent place, brimming full with positive vibes and energy, wind chimes chiming in the boiling hot breeze, a smell of fresh rain in the air – just writing this I am transported back there now. I loved the vibrant feel of that great place.

After that we went to a fabulous gems factory. All the gems, rings, necklaces there were stunning, much better than the stuff you see on the high street. After much fun looking and drinking thick Thai coffee I got my wife a stunning ruby ring. Elizabeth Taylor eat your heart out!

Then we took a cab to the river and got a whole longboat to ourselves! It cost the equivalent of 50p to travel on it! And just think – I was preparing to haggle! We saw the imposing Temple of Dawn' that looked as though it had come right out of an Indiana Jones movie!

We saw the huge, golden, reclining Buddha and also found a hidden temple there. It was empty (except for us) and I kneeled there, gazing at the golden Buddha, surrounded by gold, pictures and prayer. I laughed to myself – can you imagine a stunning temple left like this, left open to the public in the UK? Our scumbag chav's would rape it in an instant!

We then took the most excellent sky train (a great way of getting around Bangkok) to Jim Thompson's House (an American who revived Thailand's silk trade. He went missing in Malaysia I think and was never seen again – nice house though!). I bought the loudest silk shirt I could find and sat in his garden having a stunning Thai meal (Chicken fried rice and noodles – stunning!).

Then in the evening I asked our Thai rep of any authentic Thai restaurants we could eat at. Somewhere so authentic that all the Thais go there. He recommended Cabbages and Condoms'. I kid you not about the name. We walked through the seedy night streets (eerily like Birmingham city centre at night) and just when I started to become weary and worried we found it. Condoms were plastered everywhere inside the entrance and every table was full – with Thai people! Well my wife and I pigged out like there was no tomorrow and got totally pissed to boot! I thoroughly recommend the chicken pieces in bamboo leaves. Yum!

We went back to our stunning hotel, watched the Karaoke in the Huntsman and then for the first time in my life ordered room service. We had 2 of the local hotel cocktails. Between the Sheets and the Landmark Siam. Both were stunning! What an excellent, epic first day.

The next day we visited the floating markets with the hangover from hell (getting up at 6am and feeling jetlagged didn't help either!). I didn't think much of the floating markets, a waste of half a day. But then again I urge you, the reader; to go as it will help their flagging economy and maybe being on a large canoe with the hangover from hell in searing temperatures clouded my judgment of the markets.

After spending the rest of the day swimming and sunbathing on floor 10 we went on a river cruise and meal. There were 2 menus. One was for fish lovers and the other wasn't. We hate fish so we ordered the other menu and this is what we got. Starter – fish ball soup! Stir fry prawns! Main meal – Thai fish curry! I kid you not! I had a go (when in Rome…hang on, we didn't go to Rome for honeymoon!) and barely kept it down. Still when the sweet and sour chicken and chicken in black bean sauce came along we made up for lost time. The cruise was great, great fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Then we left to go to Koh Samui the next day. I was totally, totally gutted and felt like I was coming home. You know that horrible feeling of loss. I got to the airport and felt totally depressed – give me a gun someone. We ordered a beer (even though it was just 10am) and then on the telly were the highlights from last nights champion leagues final. AC Milan -v- Liverpool. Glumly I watched Liverpool go 0-3 down. “Huh!” I thought “and they were worried about not being eligible to play in the next season's final because they finished 5th in the league”. Then, amazingly, unbelievably they came back and won! The whole place cheered (even me, a Villa fan). I remember thinking “I think really great times are going to come to us in Koh Samui”. And I was right!

We literally walked through the airport lounge door and we were out near the plane! Can you imagine that in the UK!? No chance! To my horror it was a small propeller plane. “Oh shit!” I thought. My misses was worried so I acted confident, even though I started to get all religious again! The plane was very cramped, hot and claustrophobic. I kept saying to myself “It's only 45 minutes. What would you prefer, 11.5 hours or 45 minutes?” That mantra got me through the flight.

Taking off over the Bangkok skyline was stunning. We seemed only as high as the tallest building “I think I see the Landmark” I said dreamily. We flew through the dark clouds with barely a ripple and off we went.

We got served a nice roll with Bangkok Airways' serviettes. Then I saw them. Beautiful islands bathed in the sun. In an instant I realized where the writer of the book The Beach got his inspiration from. I saw what must have been Koh Samui, Ko Pha-ngan and the Angthong national park. Stunning, what a view, just like the daydream scene in the film.

As we came into land I caught a glimpse of an amazing, giant, seven armed, pink…Buddha! What the heck was that! I didn't know, but it sure looked interesting.

The Samui airport must be the most gorgeous airport in the world. It was so relaxed and chilled and small! I can't describe it; you just have to see the cuteness to believe it.

We had a taxi laid on to take us to the Amari Palm Reef Resort. This was our second choice hotel. Our first choice was the Imperial Boathouse Hotel, but a couple of months before we went on Honeymoon we were told that the Imperial was undergoing extensive renovation work. We were assured that this wouldn't ruin the holiday but I've heard that before. So we jumped ship and went to the Amari.

My first impressions were of a great disappointment compared to the Landmark. But after a couple of days I fell in love with this jewel of Samui. Those days I spent on the balcony, watching the palm trees move in the warm breeze, smoking my cigar and drinking my beer. Paradise!

After we had settled in we went for a romantic walk along the beach. We got to the beach from the Amari (walking past a beautiful swimming pool framed with palm trees). When we stepped out onto the beach we were hit by a stunning panoramic view of the skies, sea and island in the distance. It took our breath away, just like in the movies. We fluked on a hotel restaurant right on the front of the beach (Chaweng Beach) and chose to dine there. The décor was of Thai design, all beech wood and oriental flowers with candles swinging in the breeze. We had a stunning full on Thai meal and watched the sun set. Just like in the movies! We started sweating buckets as it was so hot (combined with the heat of a Thai Green Curry!).

One night we were going to visit the famous Reggae Pub'. However as I sat on the balcony waiting for my wife to wake up I was aware that the scenery suddenly went still'. It was weird, still and quiet, not a sound. It then went dark amazingly fast and then the frogs went bezerk, rebitting away like mad! “What the hell was going on?” I thought. Then the monsoon came, thundering down like an amazing waterfall. The trees blew like crazy in the mini hurricane that appeared and the sheet lightning! AMAZING! The atmosphere was electric (quite literally!). When my wife awoke she joined me in the bootle shelter of our balcony and we watched this amazing show. What a fantastic night. We never got to the Reggae Pub; the storm was too amazing to miss.

One day we hired a cab and a cab driver for the whole day. For 2000 baht we had the poor guy for a day. I gave him a BIG tip at the end. First up we went to a shooting range. It was empty and I fired rounds from an American style cop gun and a rifle. I am anti-war, anti-guns, etc, but having that gun in my hands made me aware of how addictive this could be, especially to the uneducated. The thought scared me, the power in my hands. Worryingly I enjoyed the experience.

Next stop was the mummified monk. I can tell you this, he didn't look too well! He had gone a nasty shade of grey and someone had put shades on him to make him look cooler. The highlight of the trip was meeting a real life' Buddhist monk, who blessed some amulets for me (which I gave to friends in need).

Final stop was the zoo. I'm not a fan of zoo's and felt sorry for many of the animals there, especially the huge tigers cooped up in their pens, but the show the girls put on was impressive. We got the chance to have a photograph with a larger tiger cub. Even though it was smallish I had no doubt that it could have ripped my face off if it wanted! Nice photo though! You should have seen the dogs that lived at the zoo shit themselves when this big tiger cub appeared! You could see they were thinking “what the hell is that!?“

We also went on an elephant trek. It was fantastic! The guide' made me get on the Nelly's neck and I had to ride it! Trouble is I was sitting at the wrong angle and when we went downhill I felt like I was going to fall off! I was shitting myself and had to use all my karate training to stay on there! It was a right laugh though. The weird thing was, the elephants head looked like a bad special effect. It looked like a bad model of an elephant and not the real thing. Strange.

Talking of elephants, one day my wife and I were lazing by our luxury pool by the beach, sipping Chang beer and soaking up the sun when we heard a loud trumpeting' sound. Suddenly all the guests lazing by the pool sprang up excitedly and ran towards the beach. The misses and I got up, looking in the direction of the beach and we saw the truly amazing, wonderful sight of a teenage elephant running in the sea! The elephant then rolled in the sea, got up, sucked up sea water and blew it in the air like a huge shower! It was a wonderful experience. We went out to see and pat' the elephant. It seemed to be owned by a small Thai guy. Beats having a dog I guess!

One day we went up into the mountains' (more like hills really). The scenery was stunning, very tropical. We found a stunning waterfall and had a lovely dip. It was so cool and refreshing in there, a great contrast to the boiling heat of the day. We lazed around the pool created by the waterfall and just took in the peaceful nature of the place. We didn't want to leave that spot. On the way back down the mountain the guide pointed out a giant spider web. The base of the web stretched 30 feet between trees! In the centre was a yellow and black spider the size of my hand! Holy shit! We had walked under that monster when we walked up the mountain, but we couldn't see the web because of the backdrop of the mountains. On the way down however the web was illuminated by the blue sky backdrop. The Thai guide, for a laugh held a stick up to the monster and asked us if he wanted us to touch it. I tell you man, I've never got out of a place so fast!

One afternoon, it had been monsooning so we couldn't sun bathe, so we decided to visit the Big Buddha. It was a magnificent moment. First we drove to the huge (slightly creepy) female pink Buddha with several arms. It looked like something out of Alton Towers. I have no idea what it was, but it certainly wasn't the Buddha himself.

Next to the pink Buddha was a gorgeous Buddhist temple. We went in and saw the beautiful golden Buddha sitting there peacefully. On the walls were painted scenes of the Buddha's life. We stood there taking in the serene environment, so peaceful, so calming, and so wonderful.

When we got to the Big Buddha we walked slowly up the steps towards the summit where the Great Man sat. Sounds of monks chanting filled the air and that combined with the smell of fresh rain in the air, amazingly cloudy skies and views of the Angthong National Park blew me away. I stood at the top, looking at the amazing views, listening to the many bells chiming and thanked God for this moment. It's one that I'll never forget. I remember thinking “this is one of the best, most perfect moments of my life”. I still view the video footage of that moment now.

We took a boat ride to the Angthong National Park. The Thai guys who took us were a bunch of cowboys. First we went snorkelling and couldn't see a damn thing as the sea was too salty. The whole group of us swam into an underwater reef. We all got cut up! Some poor sods had bad, deep cuts. (When we got back to England both my wife and I had to get anti-biotics to heal the infected cuts).

We arrived at one of the protected islands and walked up man made steps right up high into the rocky hills. At one point we squeezed through a gap in two huge rocks and there it was…the fabulous emerald lake from the film The Beach. It wasn't the actual lake in the film, but it was without doubt Alex Garland's inspiration for his book.

In the boiling heat we gazed through gaps in the tropical trees to see the emerald lake shimmering in the sunlight. We walked down some (vertical) man made steps to get a closer view. We couldn't see a beach; it was probably around the rock wall to our side. We gazed adoringly at this gorgeous lake, sheltered from the views of the outside world by a giant cliff face. I wondered if there was a secret community down there, maybe visitors like us to the lake decided to jump in from this height and swim around the rock face. Is that what the author of the book had done? Who knows? Eventually we left the beautiful place and went kayaking around another island. That was fantastic except my wife and I were crap at co-ordination and we finished last (even though it wasn't a race). The Thai guides, way in front of us, suddenly motioned to everyone that we should get back to the beach. We knew why…a huge storm cloud was coming over the island fast. We hurriedly paddled back to The Beach and awaited the monsoon. I sat in the warm sea relaxing my aching bones when the monsoon hit. It was a weird feeling being in the sea in that kind of rain storm. I felt awake, ALIVE! We both loved it.

Later on, back near the hotel, I found a wonderful shop that made genuine silk clothes. I had two gorgeous silk jackets made, one sea blue, and the other panama white. Lovely work.

We visited our favourite places most nights – the Quarterdeck, Co-co's, Tropical Murphy's and the fabulous Reggae Pub. We played pool with another couple we met (Chris and Denise) and even though they were far better than us at pool we thrashed them every time we played them! Nice one!

One night the girls dragged us out to the Lady Boys of Bangkok' and guess who got pulled up on stage to be humiliated? You guessed it, me and Chris! As a finale they pushed us into the lady boy's dressing room and made us strip! I got groped so I groped their boobs to see what implants felt like. I didn't like handing over my shorts not because I was almost naked in a room full of men (?) but because of the fact I had my passport and £100 in Thai Baht on me. I will give them credit though, after the show I came back and they hadn't taken a penny. They seemed to know that I had money on me though (hmmmmm!) and I practically had to give all of them a tip when I left and they gave me a kiss (yuck!). Oh yes the show Chris and I were dressed in red dresses and given blond curly wigs. We then strutted our stuff to the audience and looked right twats. We both enjoyed it though and I think we should do that sort of thing as a career as it was a right laugh!

We visited the Thai Boxing arena and saw some fantastic fights. The young kids were unbelievable. They had guts fighting like that at their age. I walked to the bogs for a waz and on the way had to walk through an alley where all the Thai fighters were warming up. Man, they looked hard as nails.

All good trips have to come to an end; it's a fact of life. Our honeymoon was no different and finally our last day in Koh Samui came and went. We lazed around the quiet and noisy pool as long as possible, soaking up the last possible rays of the sun. We then strolled in a daze to the bar. An amazing bit of creativity at the Amari was that they had full sized beds with beautiful purple sheets and pillows – in the bar area! Yes, I'm not kidding. So we ordered huge pints of Chang beer and peanuts (seaweed as well I think!) and lay there watching the cloudy sky get darker as the life giving sun set. It was a perfect, perfect, perfect moment – even a cat came to visit us!

Then we had a sad, long stroll to all our favourite bars. We started at the end of the pub crawl for a change. Goodbye Tropical Murphy's, good buy Quarterdeck and finally a last few beers listening to a great live band in Co Co's. Finally we were so shattered we had to admit that it was time to go home. So we had a slow, slow walk back to the paradise of Amari.

The next day I felt so depressed it was as if I'd been shot in the head with a brick. I said goodbye to the ocean about 400 times and finally my wife got pissed off with me and told me to stop! We visited our lovely airport one final time and got caught in a sudden monsoon. I hoped and prayed that we wouldn't fly in the monsoon, but the air God's weren't with me and we flew in the monsoon. And unbelievably the small jet craft flew totally smoothly.

We arrived back in Bangkok airport. I was still suicidal, but then something happened to lift my spirits. We were met at the airport entrance by the Thai Thomas Cook rep we had on the first day and guess where she took us – THE LANDMARK!!! It was like being reunited with your best friend!

I pranced, danced and bounded into the gorgeous, airy foyer and leapt to the reception desk sniffing the orchids on the huge arrangement of flowers in the centre of the room. Life had never felt so good God had granted me another day in paradise!

We were given a smaller suite this time but just as gorgeous. After trying out the gorgeous Queen sized bed we decided to hit the pool one last time. We lazed and grazed whilst sipping Singha beer and eating Thai noodles. Then we made the quick decision to hit the Bangkok shopping one last time so with the sun slowly setting we legged it onto the Sky train and went to the MBK shopping. Man, that place is HUGE! We easily got lost in there and I snapped up several Chang Beer tee-shirts for friends at home (to be honest, reading this, I didn't care about the materialistic shopping in Bangkok. After all, you can do shopping anywhere and where is the fun in that!?). Then reluctantly in the monsoon rain we headed back to the Landmark.

After a luxury shower we decided not to waste a second on our last night. I took my wife down to the lovely Green Room' restaurant. It was more a place to have light-bites rather than a full blown meal and for a change instead of having Thai food we stuffed ourselves with pasta (that was me, thinking about Rome and hatching the idea that I should take her there later in the year – which I did in the November). The food was lovely and we watched the Blade Runner scenery through the ground floor windows, daydreaming.

Then I dragged the misses out to look at all the road-side stalls. So we went up and down the streets in the night, checking out what was on offer. I wished we'd had more time to really take in all that was on offer, but the clock was ticking, so I just bought some more tee-shirts and lighters, etc and then we headed home.

No last night would have been complete without visiting the Huntsman pub in the basement. So we did, one final time and was surprised to find the place packed out! It disgusted me a bit to see these 60 year old fat American business men with 20 year old Thai girls but what can you do?

We ordered more beer and cocktails and watched the fabulous live Thai band do its stuff. Great fun! Their last song before we went up for the night was Blue Moon'. Hypnotic.

When we got back to the room the misses just fell asleep. Me, I didn't want the night to end so I ordered 2 fabulous cocktails (Between the sheets and Landmark Siam) and sat on a deliciously comfy, easy chair by the window (we were on the 15th floor or something like that). As the rain lashed down furiously I melted down and sipped my cocktails slowly, wanting to eek every moment and every second of what I was experiencing right now. A film called Heavenly Creatures' starring John Cleese was on. I've seen this film before and hated it, but this time I was hooked (it was the best film EVER!) and watched and enjoyed every moment. I would break off from the film and look at the misses asleep on the huge bed. Then my gaze would be on the size and comfort of the room. Warm and cosy. “Ahhhhhh, it doesn't get any better than this”.

At 1am, feeling slightly drunk I decided to go to bed. I was knackered.

The next morning we got up and showered. I was in our super duper shower for about 20 minutes! We went and ate at the Atrium, having a Thai Breakfast for one final time. Then I came back and spent another 20 minutes in the shower as I had the feeling that I wouldn't be back here for a while.

The only other thing to mention is that we had a fabulous trip back with Thai Airways, watching great films and drinking more alcohol (but pacing ourselves this time!).


So I hope that you, the reader, will realize that Thailand is not all about sex tourism or about relationships with Thai Girls. There is a lot of fun to be had out there. You can live like a king and feel like a King and enjoy all that the city, the beaches and the sights have to offer.

I feel after reading some submissions that some people when to Thailand and didn't see it.

Take care.

Stickman's thoughts:

This is over the top. From the "authentic" Thai restaurant where Thais go, Cabbages and Condoms (farang-dominated and probably the most popular tourist restaurant) to hiring a long tail boat for 50 p and hour (they cost 10 times that 20 years ago), it sounds like had a really shitty life in the UK and that Thailand overwhelmed you. I mean, for God's sake, you called a gems factory fabulous! I have NEVER heard anyone describe a gems factory that way before!

It's great you had a good time…

nana plaza