I wanted to share my story with you and would appreciate any thoughts you may have.
Had a three day stop over in Bangkok (first time in Thailand) from Australia on the way to Europe (finalise my separation / divorce with the wife, I am 36 with no kids) in February 08.
Did the normal tourist things while in Bangkok including visiting Patpong. Met a girl (Supin) in a bar there and spent the evening chatting and drinking (nothing extra) and then went back the next night and again spent the night only talking and laughing plus took her shopping the next day. We exchanged details and I again met her for a few days on my return to Australia a month later.
On returning to Australia I kept in contact with Supin, initially making it very clear that we could not be anything more than friends.
Over the coming months though we increased the amount of contact and ended up speaking everyday sometimes up to 4-5 hours. She was very upfront about her life and we shared a lot of things over this time. After about 3 months I asked Supin to travel to Australia to see me even though we had be advised by many people that obtaining a visa would be an issue. Luckily Supin did get a 3 month tourist visa and we were both excited about her trip. I had agreed to support the trip and her family while she was here…
Unfortunately, the morning Supin was due to fly I received a text message saying that she was unable to travel and would contact me when she could?! I couldn't contact her as her phone was now turned off. Supin sent me a short email the next day only saying that she was sorry but couldn't travel to Australia? I was then contacted a few days later by a friend of hers telling me that Supin was now in South Africa! What!? Supin's German / South African ex (who we had talked about) had gone crazy when he found out that she would be travelling to Australia and had landed in Thailand the day before she was due to leave. He persuaded her that I was no good and pressured her to travel to South Africa. He had supported her and tried to take Supin to Germany a number of times without success and then finally dumped her. I then received another email from Supin saying that she was sorry and what she was doing was a very big mistake and she would travel back to Thailand soon.
About a week later Supin arrived back in Thailand and after speaking at length we agreed that she would now travel to Australia.
Supin's 3 months in Australia went very well other than I had a few issues about what had happened before she came here. She discussed how important it was for her to build a house for her parents and she was always hinting that we should get engaged asap. I said that I understood her feelings and that this was important for me as well and that we needed to spend more time together first. We agreed that Supin would go back home for a couple of months to spend time with her family and then return to Australia…
Two weeks into Supin's return home I received an email saying that our relationship was over and that she was also giving me back the money (Western Union) I had given her for staying in Thailand for two months ($2000)!? I then also found $1000 I had given her for pocket money over the 3 months in the bottom of my bedroom draw. I again learnt from her friend that her ex had once again appeared, this time in her home town in front of the parents and asked her to marry him and promised to build her a house. They are now engaged and the house has started.
I have spoken to Supin a number of times since then and she says how very sorry and sad she feels and that she really did want a life with me but was scared that I would not be able to commit to her. She again says that she has made a big mistake but she has taken too many steps already. It is interesting that now she has what she really wanted (a new home) it doesn't taste as sweet as she thought it would. I guess that even though she doesn't really care for this other man and even though he hurt her many times the end decision is a business one. I can understand and respect this.
The situation you outline is typical of some poor Asian women who simply see marriage as commercial transaction. The other guy was prepared to commit to the deal more quickly than you were and therefore he was "awarded the contract". I know that might sound callous but that is EXACTLY how she will see it.