So I Gave Her

My qualifications for submitting this opinion are far from impeccable. I have spent only a few days in Thailand (I arrived on a one-way ticket to start a new life with my teerak suay and the fact that I left only a few days later are only partly attributable to her). I had a relationship with her over several months in a foreign country for both of us and thought I knew her reasonably well. I spent some time with her mum in this country and still see Mum (known to my friends as the ‘Poison Dwarf’) from time to time. I have no idea how much the PD knows for sure about her daughter, and I suspect that she wants me to know even less about daughter than she does. One thing I do know is that PD’s son (teerak’s elder brother) seems to be regarded by both of them as a complete and utter waste of space, work-shy and of little practical (which being interpreted means financial) use to either of them. Actually, a ‘negative’ person as in both of them have had to support him rather than vice versa.

I am not really surprised that PD had very strong views about the plans of teerak and I to go to Thailand and start a new life together. Her view was that teerak and I should marry here sooner rather than later (‘because it would be easier’) and then go to Thailand. I actually contemplated this. Because I am divorced and have no dependant children – they are adults and doing OK, thanks – my pension dies with me. But if I remarry, and especially if I have legally adopted / whatever children, they get a widow’s pension and the kids get a pension until they are 23 or finish further education. I have fantasies about marrying an 18 year old with four children on my deathbed, just to visualise the face on that fat old cow in the Pensions Section when the claims come in … But I realise, of course, that could make me a prime candidate for the Pattaya Flying Club, so that’s just between me and you, OK?

I suspect that PD’s primary reason for such ready acceptance of me is that teerak is her primary source of retirement funding. Despite teerak having a young son (no problem to me) PD feels that teerak (and by extension, any man teerak can get, especially a farang) is her retirement fund. ‘BUFF’ or Big Ugly Fat F****r she bigamously married here – him not her – may be OK for papers but not for money – often she subsidises him. There were often questions / suggestions about whether I was going to build a house back in Thailand for PD. (I may be kidding myself, and don’t we all sometimes, that teerak was a bit sheepish and reluctant sometimes about raising this). When I disingenuously explained that in UK nowadays most women expect to have to work until they are 65 (my ex being a case in point) and PD is only 48 it did not go down too well.

So that was my experience, limited as it was (and still is).

I have expanded on that, and now we come to the point of this submission. Whilst my teerak has remained in Thailand, in contact to a greater or lesser degree, I have returned (via UK) here. I have been subject to many requests for (financial, of course) assistance. Some I have succumbed to, some I have not.

But I have widened my education by reading every submission on Stick’s site. Ok, I will confess that I didn’t get too far with some of them. And, of course, my teerak is different. Aren’t they all? Apparently not, because I feel so much resonance with so many. I was trying to find some sort of joke I could insert here about ‘so many red flags it could be a Tampax advertisement’ but I can’t so I won’t. (Interestingly – for me anyway – I spoke to my teerak about using Tampax, and I have discussed it with some Filipina friends. Generally they are not keen because it is better to get the ‘bad blood’ outside you. Amazing the things one finds to talk about.)

My point is: just how often have you come across in submissions the phrase ‘so I gave her …’. Me too.

Some examples from my own experience:

– Motosai was stolen. Needs replacing or she cannot get to work. (‘Work’ still remains unspecified.)

– Need money to pay house loan to bank this month. (But house is in PD’s name and the salary she earns here at 1,000 USD+ per month is enough when the house loan is only 100 USD, surely?)

– Party for orphan / deaf / dumb kids, need to buy food and ice-cream.

– Need money and have ‘only you’.

– Need money to pay for car. (Hang on, what about motosai?)

Maybe some day soon someone more astute than me will write a dissertation / thesis on ‘So I gave her …’. It could be a fascinating project. And maybe, someone will calculate the amounts involved.

Not an insignificant proportion of Thailand’s GDP, I venture to guess.

Anyway, to end on a happy note – my teerak won the ‘Miss 14’ competition on Valentine’s Day. She is extremely happy about this, and I await photos (but not with baited breath). I can only assume that some of my ‘so I gave her’ was spent on hairdresser, facial, costume and so on. In my most cynical moments, I hope that her ‘other’ farang idiots, and possibly her Thai boyfriend, are enjoying the same warm feelings I am…