Stickman Readers' Submissions February 16th, 2009

Diary of a Newbie’s Ex-girlfriend

First of all, little about myself, I am 30 years old Thai girl, born and raised in Bangkok but my parents came from Isaan. I was married for 2.5 years in my early twenties. I have a daughter from that marriage. Since my divorce, I have not been in serious relationship. I work in beauty salon in Sukhumvit area. I worked in a salon in one of the best hotels for 8 years so I was able to learn and practice English. Besides English, I can speak little bit of French and German. Because of my parents health issues, I moved in with them in Sukhumvit area. While I am helping my parents, I found a part time job in a Sukhumvit Salon. I am planning to go back to my old job in few months.

I have to admit, I am attracted to western males. I find them charming. Since I started working in Sukhumvit, it's not easy for me to meet 'good western male'. One of my Thai girl friends, who works as a consultant for a large consulting company, suggested me to use internet to meet western male. She is dating a German expat, who she met on internet. They make cute couple and look very happy together. So I decided to give internet a try. I found most of the dating sites ask for credit card, something I am not comfortable with. My friend told me about a free site that she used. She advised me not to use paid sites as she was told lot of freelancers use paid site. So I posted my profile on free site. And to my surprise, I got more than 10 replies in one day. Four of them caught my eye. But after few emails, we lost interest.

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On the first day, I got a reply from middle-aged guy from UK. Let's call him 'J'. He was in mid-fifties so I was not interested in him. After couple of weeks, he sent me message again. This time, he sounded bit more genuine. He told me more about his life, his divorce. Even though I am not interested in older guys but there was something special about him. We started chatting on IM. He gave me his primary cell number and asked me to call him someday. He sounded like down to earth guy and quite charming. He told me, he and his friend will visit Bangkok soon and he wanted to see me. It was a pleasant surprise for me. Since he had never been to Thailand, I was little worried about him. He said his friend comes to Thailand often so don't worry. His friend didn't have any business in Thailand so I was wondering, if he is a sex tourist. But I don't judge people so I didn't think too much about it.

Couple of weeks before departing, J told me, he has to make a detour to Singapore to pick some paperwork. That didn't make sense to me. This is 21st century, why can't his company use email or fax or courier service to send papers and why would company spend and send someone to Singapore just to pick some papers?? But what do I know about J's company so I ignored it. Jokingly, I sent SMS to him saying, "Are you going to meet some pretty Singaporean girls?" I have had some Singaporean girls in my salon, I thought they were pretty. J sent me a light reply and this topic died. 2-3 days later, he sent me another SMS "How do you know about prostitutes in Singapore?". I don't know much about Singapore apart from, it's very safe and clean city and laws are very strict there. I didn't know anything more. I didn’t say anything about prostitutes so I was confused by his reply. Since he restarted this topic after 2-3 days, I thought J talked to someone else about this. But again I didn't think too much about it.

J's friend M was supposed to arrive two days after him and he had heard some horror stories about Taxi drivers. So J insisted, I come to pick him up at airport. Even though it was hard for me, somehow I managed to pick him up. Since I was not able to spend whole day with him, I gave him my old cellphone and put SIM card so he could contact me in case of emergency. Whenever I was free, I went to see him. I thought he is nice guy, very softspoken and a gentleman. He told me, he really liked me and he may be interested in long term relationship. We both said, lets see how things go? If it works out, I can go to visit him in UK to spend more time together. He said, he is fine with my kid and he would love to meet my family.

Couple of days later when M arrived, things started to change. M wanted to meet us in his favorite bar in Nana, something I didn't like. So we met in the hotel lobby for coffee. J told me that when M is in Thailand, he likes to have as much as sex as possible. As in UK he doesn't get laid and he can't afford prostitutes so he doesn't want to waste time in Thailand. I hate to stereotype but M is looks like a typical sex tourist. To put it bluntly, fat, sweaty, bald, creepy, no social skills. He kept looking at my breasts..

We decided to go for dinner. M suggested a seafood restaurant in Soi 7. I had a bad experience in that restaurant, not only food is bad, they had padded my bill. So I suggested another restaurant. When M went to bathroom, J told me that M wanted to checkout freelancers in Biergarten for tonight. Anyways we went to restaurant that I suggested. Even when we were in restaurant, M kept ogling at waitresses and tried to flirt. He asked me, if I can hook him with my friends. He was willing to pay 6000baht/day. I am not pimp so just to get him off my back, I told him ok, I will try. Immediately he gave me his requirements. That was so disgusting, send me email if you want to know more.

This following day I had some family thing to do so I told J that I won’t be able to spend time with you. J was not happy. He told me, we have few weeks together and I hope to spend more time with you. I told him, I will try to leave family function early and spend evening with you. J didn’t look happy and I felt bad for him. Next day, I left family function early to be with J. Now when I saw him J looked upset. He said, he already made plan with M. It was already 11PM, I couldn’t go back home poor J had to cancel his plans with M.

Since J came to Thailand, he had been asking me to show how real Thai people live? He wanted to see how my family live? He asked me to take him to my home I wasn’t very comfortable with this as at this point we were not sure what is our future? I wasn’t sure how my family and especially daughter will react? So I suggested, first let’s go out with my daughter so at least she is comfortable and later in the day we can go to my parents house. J agreed to it. My daughter had dance class near J’s hotel so I told him we can come to your hotel in one hour. We went to MBK and we all had good time and J liked my daughter. Later in the day, I called my mother to check if we can come home. She told me, my aunty from Isaan is there at home. While my parents knew our situation and they knew at this point we are not serious and they are open minded. Mom was not sure about aunt. She was afraid, when aunty sees me with a Farang, she will gossip so we cancelled our plan and decided to go home next day. J went to his hotel and I came back home.

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I thought things were going great but couple of days later unthinkable happened. I was at J’s room, checking my mails on his laptop. J crept on me and wanted to read my mails. He pushed me aside and started reading my mails. Even though I was not looking for a man, my profile was still active, I didn’t get chance to cancel my profile and I didn’t even know how to do it? Some guys replied to my ad. J made big issue out of this. I tried to explain but he won’t listen. And said something like I act like a Freelancer. When I asked him how freelancers act, he kept telling me some vague things, like my body language, mannerisms, contrived antics are like freelancers. He won’t give me any specifics.. It didn’t make any sense to me, he said you didn’t want to go to Soi 7 to eat because other freelancers would recognize you. I told him that restaurant is bad and I wanted to show you good part of Bangkok so I was avoiding that area. But he would not listen. Since this was his first time in Thailand, I asked him how you know so much about Thai prostitutes. Initially he avoided this question but when I pressed more he said he has been talking to M about us. And M thinks you are a prostitute. That was the straw that broke camel’s back. It was over for me. I can’t be with a guy who doesn’t have independent thinking and can be influenced so easily, especially by a guy like M who is a known sex tourist.

I really hate people who judge others. J and M thought I am prostitute because I speak better English than average Thai women or I used free dating website. I asked J why only freelancers would use free dating site. He had no answer other than M told him so.. If I were prostitute, I won’t let my customer meet my daughter and agree to take him to my parents. But J was already poisoned by M. It was waste of time telling him my side of story. I decided to call it quit. He also said something about “Sick Buffalo” that I didn’t get at all. He also said your family wants to meet me for Sin Sod. I reminded him that he is the one who wanted to meet my family and we don’t have plans for marriage yet then why would my family want Sin Sod now?

I guess couple of days J calmed down and realized he made mistake. He started calling me and sent SMS saying he was sorry and want to talk to me. I didn’t reply but he kept calling me for couple of weeks. I still think he is not a bad man but I need a man with spine.

Couple of days ago I got the biggest shock of my life. I got SMS from M saying how much he admired me? He wants to get together with me and he will compensate me beyond my any imagination… Of course I didn’t reply but I still get SMS from him.

Stickman's thoughts:

Your English is rather better than all but two Thais I know… It makes me wonder…

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