Readers' Submissions

Three Strikes in Jomtien

  • Written by BAH
  • January 10th, 2009
  • 3 min read

In three months, three farangs (of sizable mass) have threatened, intimidated, and then last night one assaulted me.

The first incident occurred in my condo block, the second in 7 Eleven. In the ten previous years I have never encountered anything like this. Each incident involved a bar girl and farangs that can best be described as clueless puppets.

The details are irrelevant, what each situation does have in common is that old, short-tempered farangs got it wrong.

Last night I sat in a local music pub and a woman (known her for a year) sits next to me. I go to this place to play with the band and that’s all. As we chat about inanities like her day job at a coffee shop, a large old German sits next to her. He gives her a backhand that sends her flying. He glares at me and says, “Don’t think I don’t know that you two were conspiring against me” (The lass and I spoke Thai – apparently he didn’t). He stands, points his thumb out and strikes me, sending me back about a meter. He was aiming for my right eye. Lucky I ducked my head and turned it slightly to my right. It’s an instinctual move I learned in the armed forces. Had I not done this I'm quite sure my right eye would be gone.

The force of his blow hit me quite hard. I didn’t feel it at the time.

Today I saw a doctor. I have a concussion and they suggested a brain scan. My head hurts like hell and I feel pretty confused.

Why? Because farangs come here and they think they can do any inane things they want and that somehow a prostitute (in this case, one he had just met) is worth going to jail for.

I sat there with ice on my eye just trying to make out the situation as his German friends tried to make excuses of how the guy was drunk. Drunk? So was I, so what!!

I got up and told the guy in German, “One phone call and the Police will arrest you, because you assaulted me.” This seemed to wake him up. I still remember the dumb look on his face. I would have called the boys in brown but I knew it wouldn’t change the nature of the foolhardy and confused farangs that are in Thailand these days.

I’m pretty sure I will stop speaking Thai when in the company of idiot farangs and bar girls. The trouble is that most farangs marry bar girls, get so done over by their birds, become pathetically weak and insecure, find themselves so completely lost in a culture of which they don’t understand…and resort to the only thing their ineffectual asses can do,-strike out at the first scapegoat.

I can just hear all the Thai men laughing. “How did these idiot farangs get it so wrong?”

Stickman's thoughts:

Why didn't you call the cops. I would have and I would have pushed the case. You were hit for absolutely no reason. Thai cops are great in a situation like this because you (and they) have all the power. You do 1 – 2 years in jail in Thailand for a situation like this. Of course 100,000 baht and your medical expenses covered would be an easy out for him.

In a situation exactly as you outlined, I would have been on the phone to the cops in a flash! I'm rather surprised you didn't.