Stickman Readers' Submissions January 12th, 2009

My Son’s Thai Fiancée

I Have read your articles on Bangkok, Farangs and Thai Women, in search of answers.

My story is about my 30 year old son who is now with a Thai girl he met on Thai Love Links. They started chatting on the internet from March 08, then he went over to Thailand in
June for 30 days and got engaged to her on the trip, soon after he arrived. The father met my son at the airport with his daughter, then they went off to the hotel my son and the Thai girl, and stayed together for 30 days while he was there.

When he arrived home he did everything he had to do to get her a finance visa which included a letter from myself and my daughter regarding their relationship. My son wanted me to go to Thailand with him on the next visit which was in September 08. I agreed to go and met this girl 29 year old who lived and worked in Sri Racha. She had a bachelor's degree in English which her sister is also doing.

On arrival at the airport I received the hands together and slight bow when I met her. After that I was pretty much ignored and no attempt to engage with me in any way was made on her part. Not in the taxi ride to the hotel or whilst we stayed all together for 16 days. They had their room and I had mine. I helped her with wedding dresses, shoes, jewellery etc etc. I also paid for her family's meals on a few occasions and taxi fares.

We went to a few places whilst there – Chang Mai, Sri Racha, Koh Chang. I was sick one night and the next morning I met my son and her for breakfast. I wasn't asked how I was and was just ignored whilst she went about getting her buffet breakfast. This was not done in front of my son. He was seated. She got the news while we were there her finance visa had been approved, so she was coming back home with us.

For the whole trip I felt like I was a nobody and that she couldn't be bothered with, and made no attempt nor effort to impress me and couldn't care less what impression she was making on me.

Much to my surprise, here I was thinking I was going to be meeting a humble, respectful, appreciative individual. I couldn't have been more shocked to find that she was the total opposite.

After we arrived back in Australia and arrived home, she made no comment about anything. She just stood in the driveway waiting for my son to get her bags and pay the taxi driver. It was very much ho hum. The fist night she had a shower then got into bed without a good night. I was told by my son she was cold and from then on she treated my home and possessions as if they were hers. When my son was working night shift I would come home after work, she would mostly stay in another room and would not come out when I get home. She would eat her dinner before I get home. If she had to speak to me when I ask if she has eaten it would be just (have eaten mam). If I ask if she wants sweets, it would be no she wait would till my son came home. On one occasion there was a problem with my iron that she was using. My son was called by her to have a look. When he went out and I went in to have a look, she looked up at me and said "WHAT?"

I told my son I wasn't happy with her walking around ignoring me and being for the best part a stuck up little snob that had the attitude she thought she was pretty "HOT!" She knew I was upset as my son saw her ignore me when I mentioned my disgust of her behaviour in my home. We were in my bedroom when she came straight in on my son and I when I was crying. She had no tears but made the sound she was upset and said she was sorry, and that she didn't want to leave and my son missed me too much, and she wants a grandma for when she has children. And she thought I would like QUIET TIME which I can't see nor understand how being rude and ignorant equals or means QUIET TIME in my eyes.

A very short time after it all came back but this time she kept more away from me and isolated herself in the computer room, on the internet constantly with friends, family, Hi5 your friends, Facebook, msn or Thai TV.

Since she moved in, in the start of October till my son and her both moved out on the 10th December, she did absolutely nothing other than prepare and cook her Thai food, while my son and I would prepare ours. She was and still is a lazy cow. She would be home all day, every day, and would do nothing to help or contribute, considering all that my son has done and given her, as well as myself, with not so much as a thank you. He has done nothing but buy her all things that she wants, that she wouldn't have had in Thailand.

Before they moved out of my home my son managed to get her a job waitressing a couple of nights a week, but now she has got a job at McDonalds. She did work for them for a few months in Thailand. My son sends off resumes for her, for all the time she wasted on the computer and being home all day, she didn't look or try to apply for work! If it were up to her she would not be working, but as they have to pay rent, bills and bought a house full of furniture, my son is obviously concerned about the debt. She told my son she wanted to work when she lived in Australia as he isn't rich.

My son and his fiancée have stayed with my daughter in the country for a couple of days twice since she has been in Australia and their observation is much the same. When in a group of people, she will not involve herself. She will take photos or play with a baby, anything but socialize or communicate. If my son goes out fishing with my daughter's husband for a few hours and they are both in the house together, she stays in the bedroom till my son comes back. He will make excuses for her constantly, such as she is tired, even after she has slept for 12 hours!

My son and I have always been close and have been able to talk about anything. But since he has been with this Thai girl, which I was happy about in the beginning, until I saw how sneaky, manipulating and ungrateful etc she is, I can only imagine what she has fabricated and distorted to my son.

Prior to them both moving out, my son started to treat me in much the same way she was.

It felt like she somehow turned it all on to me. If I needed to use the computer that she wouldn't get off, she would run into my son's bedroom, shut the door, cry and say god knows what.

It reached a point, before they moved out, where I cracked and broke my silent suffering, and said everything I thought and felt. I am ashamed of losing control, and have apologised to my son, but he tells me she will not talk to him about me, or want to hear my name spoken. I have told him I wanted to apologise to her for what I said, but she won't hear of it. I accepted her apology to me, now my name is dirt. I see my son now, but he only comes when she is at work. I believe she is not aware of him seeing me.

At Xmas when they visit and stay with my daughter in the country, she wouldn't go if I was going, so I didn't end up going. His fiancée appears to have him wrapped around her little finger. He accepts everything she says and does and seems very possessive of him and jealous of myself and my daughter.

I have reached a conclusion, that for her part, it has been all intentional, as she knew from my son in the beginning when they would talk via the webcam we were close, and he wanted to live here, after they got married, to save money.

I believe she had other ideas, hence her behaviour and attitude towards me. It was without a doubt uncalled for. I don't believe or understand how you can give and give but still get treated with NO RESPECT, but I saw RESPECT from her towards her family, and she wrote in a letter to immigration, how my son respects her family.

I felt from when I met her, and throughout the holiday in Thailand, she had no desire to gain my approval, friendship or respect. As she put it to my daughter "I NOT MARRY MAM, I MARRY TYRON.")

I'm not quite sure why I'm writing all this to you. I guess in the hope you have an explanation or answer, for this type of Thai girl, Oh! she is 30 also in March.

I am so scared what is in the near future for my gullible son as they plan to marry very soon, and have children in a couple of years. I worry what her motives are as I think all the pictures she takes and sends back home, are the for-runner for her sister and brother to come out to Australia also.

I have heard that they are told from very early in age, to get out of Thailand, and marry western men, for a better life. I feel my son is her meal ticket, and she is using him to get all she wants, and will either get pregnant deliberately so she doesn't have to work, and won't have to leave the country if they get divorced in the future, or use my son to get her sister, then her brother here, so he will pay for them.

She has destroyed me and my relationship with my son, and has caused problems within my family.

Is there any light you can shed on this type of Thai girl or her intentions. Or your thoughts in general, I would appreciate it very much.

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Stickman's thoughts:

This is a really awful situation and I feel your pain. Despite having given much detail about the whole relationship, it is still hard to comment.

Thais are brought up to respect family and that includes the family they marry into so her lack of respect towards you is unquestionably wrong. Her lack of gratitude is, I hate to say it, a Thai trait. It's something I, and a lot of foreigners, observe frequently and have a real issue with.

Thais are not brought up with an idea to marry a foreigner for a better life per se although some ladies from poorer parts of the country do get the idea that marrying a foreigner can result in an easy life and follow that now well-trodden path.

I am not sure how you can best to deal with this. Someone needs to have a word with your son and get him to open his eyes. That his wife is being disrespectful to his own mother is something that needs to be dealt with. Of course, there is always the other side of the story and it would be interesting to hear her take on things.

Please do remember though that some people are just not that sociable and prefer to be away from all but those closest to them. Perhaps she just wants to spend time with her husband / your son and you have misinterpreted this as rudeness?

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