I Thought I Had A Good One
Let me start from the beginning. I knew nothing of Thailand in 2003 and if someone mentioned anything about Thailand I would have thought it was a state of Taiwan. Not quite but you know what I mean!
I’m an Aussie not quite 60 years old and tend to be considered in good shape and healthy. In 2003 I had an Aussie girlfriend 12 years younger than me, quite good looking and liked the very occasional romp in the sack. She was managing a hotel on the Gold Coast (and I found out later she was also managing a few of the younger good looking residents). We spoke one day and she was telling me she meet this real interesting fellow who was staying and was an artist and had a hotel in a place called Pattaya in Thailand and this hotel was for lonely, sad and desperate Aussie guys who have had a bad run with Aussie women.
Eventually I meet this guy and we instantly got on well, having much in common and we became good friends. One day he offered to take me to his resort to supervise some construction work, all expenses paid, and I gladly accepted. Without going into detail,
my introduction to Thailand is what you have all experienced and what I would call a sensory overload and after a week I had to go home to Aussie and then had major withdrawals and was back within 4 weeks! I could write a book on my experiences
but that is not the purposes of this exercise. It is rather to tell you all about this lady I meet and to help me get my head around what happened.
I’ve never had a problem getting girls in Australia. Keeping them was the problem. They would say Michael, you are the nicest guy I have ever meet and a few months later they would go back to their just released boyfriend from jail, or I just got sick of the crap and tell them to go home and never come back. To keep me focused in Aussie, I used to have this saying, and it goes like this “I am enthralled by women but it is commonly known they are fonts of duplicity, avarice, lust and vain glory my mind knows these things but my heart tells me different”. My first 10 months in Thailand can vouch for that.
My friend said to me “I can't believe you! You are ruthless! Most guys come here, fall in love within a day and are married within a week. You don’t seem to care and have 4 or 5 chasing you at one time."
Anyway, after 10 months I did meet a girl in Buriram. At the time I was working hard and lost a lot of weight and decided to take a break and visit some places of interest in Buriram. I meet this girl, 30 odd years younger then me who was cute, pretty, great body, great personality and spoke fairly good English. Once again I could write a book on our life and the next 4 years together – and her 3 trips to Australia. She was a great cook, great in the house and loved my family and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her – which we often spoke about. But I was never 100% happy and I could always feel that she was there for the wrong reasons but nevertheless my quality of life was much better than it had been with any girl in Aussie.
After her last 6 month stay which ended in May 2007, I missed her so much and out of boredom and loneliness decided to do some chatting on the internet dating site, one in particular “Date in Asia”. I meet many and got the normal crap of
one or two words for response. In July I eventually clicked on to this 34 year old who was, I thought, not that pretty, but had a great personality and returned a message that was 4 – 5 lines in length and in very good English. To protect her
not so innocent name we will call her Yee and within a short time I found out that she is a nurse and had got married at 25 to her first and only boyfriend. According to her profile she had only been on DIA for a few months and was prompted by
a fellow nurse friend.
Within a short time we were getting on really well and we were talking nearly every night and after getting her phone number I found she didn’t speak English that well but still better then most. She would call me nearly every day at work and would always leave me messages on my email. And if for some reason I couldn’t talk for 3 – 4 days she would be a little annoyed and anxious. ( was working on a military base and sometimes would stay away from home for a week but I would try to call her every day. On her days off we would talk nearly all day and she would thank me for making her feel so happy and warm, and the feelings were reciprocating.
After a while she asked me if I had a Thai girlfriend. She had this feeling because I knew to much about everything. Eventually I told her I had a girlfriend at Buriram and she just broke down and cried. I could see the tears run down her cheeks on the webcam
The next day she said that is ok and she would be my friend for ever, even if I had another girlfriend. I did settle with my Buriram girlfriend, told her it wasn’t working but that also is another story.
Now a little about her so you know where I am coming from. She was 33 then, had 2 daughters, a 4 and a 6 year old, worked long hours, starting at 0500 and finishing at 1900 for 4 days and one day finishing at 1500, 2 days off a week usually Thursday and Sunday. She seemed very moral, wouldn’t talk about sex and she said she disliked sex but eventually said she liked sex only if she loved someone. Her profile said she was looking for someone who was sincere and wouldn’t lie (don’t they all say that). Apparently her ex-husband was abusive to her so she eventually left and got a divorce. She had a Thai boyfriend for a while but had no one then (NOT TRUE). I actually asked her why she didn’t look for a Thai man seeing she was educated and was in a different class of people. She said she gets offers all the time but they only want her as a mia noi, and she doesn’t want to be a minor wife. As she told me she wants to be number one and the only one. She has 2 brothers and 2 sisters, one brother is a captain for Thai Airways and the other is in the Thai Navy. Both sisters are lawyers. I said she must have wealthy parents and she said no, they all had to work while they went through university. I asked her why she left her ex-boyfriend and she said something like he couldn’t handle her having so many friends or something like that. She said she had been to England and instantly I expected a farang boyfriend and she said no, she went there for learning for the hospital. Many girls go overseas for learning especially the head nurse (she specializes in kidney dialyses).
This went on for quite a few months and we were both growing deep feelings for one another. Yee was becoming obsessive and insecure and if I was still online after she clicked off she would accuse me of talking to others and sometimes would tell me it was finished and never make contact again. Then the next morning she would call me and say sorry but that I had made her sad all night. I would say she was a little bit emotionally unstable but I put it down to her abuse by her ex-husband. In the mean time I couldn’t believe how compatible we were and not believing in stars decided to check our star signs and she is a Libra and myself a Gemini and she is the first and only star sign that was compatible to me. I just wanted to believe she was perfect for me. I just liked her qualities – she worked hard and every time we were on webcam she would be talking to me and doing homework with her daughters. On Thursday, her day off, she would take the girls to a mathematics classes at 1700 and on Sundays would take them to music classes.
In January 2008 I asked her if she would like to come to Australia. She was so happy but said only for a week because she can’t get time off. She would fill the application out online and I would help her while we were on MSN. (A Thai friend of
mine on the Gold Coast was to be her sponsor). After a couple of weeks talking to the embassy she was rejected because my sponsor wouldn’t give her a passport copy. It turns out there was 20 years difference in her Thai passport and her
Aussie passport and her boyfriend was always suspicious. She told him she was 38 and in reality she was 58! The other reason was she didn’t have enough money in the bank. She was very disappointed and I told her I would try to get there
One of the things she asked me to promise when she came to Australia was she was to have a separate room and there was to be no sex, and I could only hold her hand when we crossed the road.
One of the things I noticed while talking to her on MSN was she never wore any gold. I asked her why and she said she doesn’t like gold, but likes silver which suits her better.
May be it was one of my insecurities (or reading too much on the Stickman site) but I would ask her questions and she would say “When are you going to trust me, Mickey” and my response would be “Sorry, you have to earn trust. I have been to Thailand 15 times and I don’t trust Thai women” and she would say “But Mickey, I only tell you the truth.”
One thing led to another and I was feeling like very close to this young women. My youngest son was going to Thailand in August 2007 and she asked if she could meet him at the airport because she wanted to give him a gift for me. She did meet him at the airport and I felt she was making a major effort to impress me. I mean, she is very caring and tries very hard to make it work, but at the same time still had those moments of insecurities, and being unstable. One of the things I did notice was I would talk to her on the phone and she would say “Mickey, can I talk to you tonight on MSN.” I would wait up until midnight and she would not be there. The next day she would say sorry I went out with one of my girlfriends. It became a part of her personality that she was indecisive and would quite often change her mind, usually at my expense, but no problem love is over looking others' weaknesses.
I told her I was coming over in March and she was so happy and me too. I arrived with my eldest son (I have 3 sons the eldest and the youngest are addicted to Thailand and both have Thai girlfriends). Yee met us at the airport and the first thing I noticed she was unbelievably cute and small and bubbly, and had Chinese in there somewhere because she was very white and looked part Chinese.
Yee had organized a hotel for us both (my son and myself) at Silom Road and we went out for dinner and she was funny, smart and affectionate with little touches. She took us back to the hotel (she had her own car) where we said our good byes and she would meet us in the morning… In the morning at 0800 she called from the lobby and came up. I couldn’t believe how cute she looked and bubbly. We were to drive to my friend's resort in Pattaya and we called into a servo to have McDonalds. She paid for breakfast and fuel and I had to put the money into her ashtray because she wouldn’t take it. While driving to Pattaya her phone rang and she checked the number and didn’t answer. It rang 3 – 4 times after that and she didn’t answer, I turned around and said to my son in the back seat jokingly “It was probably her boyfriend”.
We booked into my friend's resort and then down to Ban Saray for lunch. Such a great time! She asked me why I didn’t book 2 rooms and I said no problem, everything is ok and nothing will happen. And nothing did happen because she wore 2 sets of clothes to bed!
The next day we visited the wooden temple and I appreciated her intense personality and the fact she is so active and just wanted to learn. While in the room she received more phone calls which she ignored, so I asked her whether it was her boyfriend and she said yes ex-boyfriend and after a few tears it turns out he was calling about a wedding (I have just found out this invitation was 2 years old) they were invited to and he was telling her he didn’t want to go or be with her. It was all a lie and he knew nothing of the invitation so she was lying to him and lying to me. In the afternoon she drove back to Bangkok and my son and I stayed in Pattaya where he meets up with his girlfriend.
The next morning I caught a bus to Ekamai and went out with her and a friend to a nice up market restaurant where they insisted they pay. It was all new to me where I’m used to the farang having to pay for everything.
The next morning she picks me up at the hotel and takes me to Ayutthaya for a visit. I just loved every minute being with her and she was the same. She is so sensitive to the slightest affection and touch.
The next morning she picks me up at the hotel with her daughters and we go to a huge shopping centre where we had pizza and went swimming on the top level.
The next morning my son arrives at the hotel and the 4 of us drive off to Kanchanaburi where we spend the last 2 days of our trip. It was the most enjoyable time of my life and it just felt like we were meant to be together. We made love the first night there. It took a lot of time to happen but when it did it was pure passion. When we arrived back at Bangkok it was our last night and we all went to Fuji for dinner. She started sobbing and didn’t want me to go. It was the same for me. She didn’t stay the night, didn’t stay any night and went home to her daughters. The next morning she arrived at 0400 and gave my son and I a small gift and sobbed as we left to go to the airport. Yee called numerous times from work crying and telling me she had such a good time and that she loved me.
As always, the flight back is the worst part of visiting Thailand. In summary it was the most intense feeling and what I liked about her is she was not what I would call a typical Thai girl (is there such a thing?) She worked hard, never slept in, would
take 6 flights of steps in preference to taking the lift, would love to go for walks dressed well but didn’t have to display her vain glory with gold. She didn’t like me to buy her anything, but at the same time would like to try
to pay for movies, meals etc. One time I wanted to buy her some nice shoes and it turned out to be a major effort but once she had them she was so thankful. Conversely we were in Siam Paragon in one of the stores and I spotted a nice shirt I wanted.
I tried a few on and the next thing she was paying for it. I asked what she was doing, explaining it was too much money for her. I tried to give the money back and her comment with hurt “What! Can't I buy something for you?”
and I could see why she had lots of friends, because she was such a nice person, very altruistic.
I should mention that previously she was hesitant (months before) to give out her address. I said all I want to do is send a Valentine's card. She had already told me where she was living, her ex-husbands house and the mother in law was staying there as well. She had been trying to look for another house for quite a while but more about that later.
When I returned to Australia I removed my profile from DIA but Yee stayed on. I left it up to her to do what she thought was right. Quite often she would be online until all hours. Sometimes she would be on MSN at 0500, Thai time 0200 and when I would ask who she is talking to she would click off and not answer.
On May 1st I went back to Thailand and Yee met me at the airport, the same as before, cute bubbly and very passionate. She went home at 1900 wanted to see her mother. The next 2 weeks were passionate, affectionate and close. It was great to talk and we talked for ages and the same as before, she never stayed the night. We went to Koh Samet and she was nice to sleep with, had lunch with her girls, but never any mention of meeting the parents. Our last night together she was the same, very emotional and crying. She went home and came back at 2330 and stayed the night. She was nice to sleep with and we said our goodbyes at the hotel in the morning. She said next time she would take me to meet the parents.
The next 2 months were fairly tumultuous. She had mood swings up and down and one night she got angry at me and to this day I don’t know why, but eventually she said it is finished and will never contact me again and will delete me from everything. She did and then 3 days later everything was back to normal.
We often spoke about having a life together and having a nice home with a family that would make her feel warm. Later she told me her elder brother the pilot was going to buy a house for the parents and she had to move in to look after them. She was crying because she wanted a life with me and it wasn’t fair because he had a family and she wanted the same. She had to make a choice but I was to find out soon that not all was as it seemed. Only she knew I was her boyfriend. They didn’t even know about me, so there was never any choice. At the end of July she made her choice and told me not to be angry but was to move in with family.
I spoke to her friend who was a nurse in Sydney and she asked me who I was. “Oh, you are Yee’s friend!” She didn’t know I was her boyfriend. The middle of June I was reading Stickman about this article on Thai Love Links so for some peculiar reason I decided to do a quick search and within 3 minutes found her profile which was nearly the same as DIA but using a different name and the English wasn’t as good. I went cold with shock, called her, (she was at work) and she acted dumb and didn’t know what I was talking about. I explained to her it was a sex site and what is she doing with an account on there when she has 2 young daughters! She got angry and told me never to contact her again!
At 2100 (her time) she called me back and wanted to know where and what I was talking about. I explained I had emailed it all to her and she left me an email and said she couldn’t find the profile after much searching. But she has my email and
can see what I am talking about but she called her friend and was very angry at her for using her photo, and angry at me for not trusting her, and again said never contact her again. For some reason I believed her because she seemed so moral and
sincere but at the back of my mind I kept thinking about my little saying, I don’t trust any women, especially Thais.
The next day the profile was deleted. 4 days later everything was back to normal and she was saying she wanted family together, but hadn’t made her mind up in regards to her family. There were times she was super happy to hear from me and we would talk for hours and other times not so happy. It was like an emotional tug a war.
I went to Bangkok to be with Yee for the month, and not feeling good about the emotional roller coaster over the last couple of months found that things were back to normal. She was very affectionate and passionate, and close. It turned out to be the worst month ever in Thailand. After the first 2 days of passion it was broken promises. First she said she wanted to stay the night but she never did except the last 2 nights of August. She said she wanted to go to the movies and that never happened, even on her days off she said we would go to the museum, but sometimes I just wouldn’t see her. She wouldn’t answer her phone. One day she said we would go to the movies and then you can meet my Mum and Dad and have dinner with them and then I will stay the night. Guess what? She called me at 2100 and said she won't come tonight but may stay tomorrow night. The whole month was like that. We had our good days, very warm and passionate but I think for the whole month we made love 5 times, a few of those she instigated. The whole month wasn’t a waste. I had a job interview and got the job which I am now doing, It's interesting. At the beginning of the year Yee wanted me to stay so much (and her brother is in the aircraft industry). She did some searching and found this teaching job (teaching aviation). The last 2 nights of the month she stayed the night and took me to the airport where she told me she loved me.
The next month of September, things started to be different. Every time I called she was busy and “can I talk to you later.” Sometimes she wouldn’t answer her phone. The second week I just couldn’t contact her at all. My eldest son was there in Thailand and I asked him to call her and he couldn’t make contact. I spoke to Maew (Head Nurse) and she said Yee had to go to another province to a committee of nurses for 2 weeks and she couldn't call her either. I got a few of my friends in Thailand to try and call and they couldn’t make contact. After a week she called me and sounded concerned and said she was up past Korat and had no reception and that she would be back Friday. When I did call her on Friday I asked her about the last 2 weeks and she said she was up past Korat and now didn’t feel good, and didn’t want to talk.
In the meantime and months previous we had spoken about going to Mae Hong Son for her birthday in October and she was going with a group of her friends from work. If I was to go it was Thai custom that I couldn’t hold her hand or show any affection..
As Oct 22 came closer I got the feeling she didn’t want me to go and as I was moving to Thailand permanently in November I told her I wouldn’t go and would see her then. Then she wanted me to go.
I arrived 20 Oct and she was cute and affectionate and cuddly but no love making. She told me she had her “mens” (the dates didn’t add up). On the 22nd we went to Mae Hong Son and as much as I enjoyed it she completely ignored me. One of her friends who lives in Pai asked me if Yee and I were boyfriend girlfriend and my response was “What? Hasn’t she told you?”. It turns out that she told all her friends that we were only friends and her family were told the same thing. In fact a Thai male friend of mine who tried to call her when she was up “past Korat” was told by her that we were only friends. The second to last night before I went back she came to my hotel and told me she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend but only friend. My response was good idea, you treat your friends better then me and I really am sick of being a part time and secret boyfriend, but nevertheless I broke down. She was as cold as ice, and I told her to go home. The next day she must have called me 20 times to see if I was OK and said she would call early in the morning 0400 and take me to the airport. She arrived early in the morning and within a short time we were having sex, not love (remember she wasn’t my girlfriend). Only friends so it wasn’t love. We did every thing except penetration <You sound like Bill Clinton – Stick> and I know she was satisfied. You know what I mean. At the airport she called me quite a few times and wanted me to talk to the children and I thought I would test her and said that I have to go to Australia in March to see my mum and I would love you to be with me. “Yes Mickey, I would love so much to be with you” at Sydney airport I sent her an SMS to say I was at Sydney and she called me straight back and told me she missed me and sounded so sincere.
The next few weeks I settled with my house and organized a container. The phone calls to Yee were normal, nothing exciting. She had done some searching to find me a condo, very helpful but no feeling. I arrived with my son mid-November, and she didn’t meet us at the airport and when I called she made it plain we were only friends. This woman who was so intense months ago was so cold and in control now. I didn’t see her for 2 days and on the 3rd day she called over to the condo and dropped off bags that I had bought over earlier in the year, and she was sweet and asked if we could go to the movies the following night. The next night we went to the movies and had a nice meal. While eating she told me she would open a Thai bank account for me and would give me the card and book and I could save fees etc. We had never spoken about money or wages, her salary before, but she is always conscious of costs (me too) but she has been under the impression and told by others that I am quite wealthy. Occasionally I offered to pay for her taxi or other expenses and she has made it quite clear she doesn’t want my money. The reason I mention this is because she wants to be only friends and she is offering to give me a Thai bank account in her name. Anyway, I declined and she said ok, never mention it again. Anyway, the whole evening was nice and close and she was her normal affectionate self. When she dropped me off at the condo she called me when she got home and thanked me for such a nice evening. The next morning she called and unfortunately a Thai lady (no romantic connection to me) answered the phone and after that she told me it was finished and she will never call me again. I sent her an SMS telling her, “You have always played games with my heart. First you want to be my girlfriend then you make me secret boyfriend, then only friend, now not friend. You make many promises and break them all. It's big game to you”.
She called 6 times in succession and sent me an SMS saying she needed to see me. I was at the hairdresser's and she arrived very concerned that I thought she was playing games. I gave her many examples and all she could say is she had never played games and had always told me the truth. I basically told her it is all too hard for me. I just want it easy, and we will go our separate ways. She broke down and cried and said she would never forget me.
I started work just after that in the aircraft industry and she would call mainly about my container arriving. A couple of weeks ago called just before she finished work, said she missed me and could she see me that night. She couldn’t because I already had people over for dinner but invited her the following week. She arrived and I made dinner and everything was sweet and nice.
The next morning I went to send her a message on Hotmail and found that she had downloaded all these photos of the 2 weeks she was supposed to be “up past Korat” conference with hospital. The photos were all dated, so I called her and explained there are a lot of photos, (even one at Kanchanaburi) over a period of time and for someone who was supposed to be working in a hospital and at the time wouldn’t answer the phone and times after that. What am I to think? She basically told me it was finished and (then) we were only friends and she could do what she wanted. I hung up on her and I refuse to talk to her again. A couple days later I found the wedding invitation amongst my files and had my son's girlfriend translate it for me, only to be told it was going on to 3 years old. She used it as a lie back in March 2008 and not only lied to me (a blatant lie), she lied to her Thai boyfriend.
In summary, as streetwise as I might think I am, if it was an Australian woman it would take me two nights to get over it and move on. But Thai women are so good at hiding their duplicity and their ambiguity, it just screws my head up. Bargirls we expect to lie, we know they lie, but so called good girls who betray morality, good manners and sweetness, their deception is almost evil. There is no greater feeling than to make love to someone you deeply love, and there is no greater hurt when it stops – and you can’t understand why.
Any way thanks for putting up with my long submission. I hope some one learns from it.
I was once in a relationship with a woman who was up and down like Yee. It did my head in and I got out quick smart. I just don't like a roller coaster ride, be it in friendships or relationships. You put up with a lot – way too much – before you eventually cut her off.