Stickman Readers' Submissions January 27th, 2009

Help In Finding Good Girls In Thailand

My company sent me to Bangkok to work on the Thai Farmers Bank account (now Kassikornbank) around mid 1994. I was a young IT engineer and credit risk specialist, a mere 2 years after graduation. I worked for a major European consulting company and this engagement was a welcome life enhancing experience. I lived in Bangkok on and off until 2003, having spent nearly half of the total time in Thailand during this period.

I hardly visited Patpong, NEP, or Soi Cowboy before 2000, the exceptions have been mostly times when I entertained other foreign colleagues and visitors to Bangkok. During this time, in my late twenties and early thirties, I partied pretty hard, pulling student girls from RCA, Phuture and MoS, freelancing office girls from Hyatt Erawan and CM2, hostesses from the Piano Bar, or simply friends, friends of friends, friends of colleagues and so on. Later on, I also started frequenting the bars of NEP, Nana Disco, and paid occasional visits to Patpong with fellow Bangkok expatriates and foreign residents.

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In 2002 I met my wife. Jin was a student at the English MBA program at the Chulalongkorn University (the best and oldest university in Thailand many would say). Jin’s family is originally from Chiang Mai, but her mother lectures at a university in Udon Thani while her father manages a food processing plant in Hat Yai. We moved permanently to Austria in 2003 mostly because of my work, and have been living in Vienna happily ever since. It shall be said that while Vienna is not a super hip place or a melting pot of nationalities, it offers a comfortable life and a surprisingly large Asian community where my wife has found many friends. We also travel to Thailand at least 2 times each year.

Why am I saying all this? I have traveled Thailand from south to north and back many times and befriended many Thai girls. What never ceases to amaze me, is how many really and truly good girls are out there and how hard it is for these girls to find good men, while, at the same time, there are hundreds of supposedly good hearted and honest foreign men whining about being scammed and diced by a bad Thai girl. The truth is perhaps in the old saying: “Why a good guy never marries a good girl? None of them will ask first!” Well, this certainly does not cover the whole truth.

The vast majority of foreigners tend to go the easy way; meeting and marrying bar girls, women from the very low strata of Thai society. Too much has been written about the upbringing and cultural habits of these girls, let me just say that thinking that you can build a meaningful relationship (in the western sense) with those girls is pure fantasy. There is very little you can share with those girls as nothing can be further apart than the life of a rice farmer's daughter in Issan making a living in a Pattaya bar, and a middle aged middle class divorcee from Sussex. Bar girls are in the business of dating farang men and all relationships must be seen in a pure business sense. Just as you are perhaps trying to get maximum pay for minimum effort on your job, shirking and playing little tricks on your boss sometimes to get some extra bonuses, these girls apply the same approach on you. The mentality of the lower class Thai girls is at the level of 8 year old western kids, interested only in the things of today – fun, friends, and money. The concept of “development”, be it relationship, career, skills, and lifestyle is totally strange to them. English language skills and the few tricks that make you believe they truly love you and share this special bond are taught on the job by their older sisters. They do not need you to escape their current life; they need your money to continue their current life.

The girls from the opposite end of Thai society, the hi-so’s, can be a good dating and marriage material if you are young and rich. They are familiar with culture and habits of the west, mix with foreigners naturally and enjoy western lifestyle. Lifestyle, they can rarely secure for themselves, and are therefore often being taken care of by their parents, later boyfriends, husbands and lovers. You can have good conversations on many topics with them, they are open and fun (also sexually), but they expect to be showered with expensive gifts, condos, cars and jewelry.

The remaining group is the Thai middle class. You hardly meet these girls, working in offices, hospitals, shops, schools and universities. They do not speak English as well as the hi-so girls or not as loud as the bar girls. They do not frequent the farang areas as they feel intimidated there and mostly can not afford it. They normally do not drink and do not smoke and are shy to speak to strangers. Yes, English is the main issue, the lack of opportunities to use the foreign language in their everyday life, the cost, and the slim chances of finding a foreign partner curbs the motivation and endurance needed to master English. Yet perhaps surprisingly, this is the group of women I see best suited for marrying farang men. Why? They are genuinely interested in bettering their life, they are willing to work hard for that, study foreign language, endure some discomfort of living in a far away part of the world, or take a regular job to earn their own living. They are interested in learning about your culture and habits and willing to adopt them. They are faithful and sincere.

How can you meet them? The safest and most accepted way is being introduced through friends. These girls can be met if you leave the tourist areas of Thailand. It just takes a little effort, some patience, good manners and a willingness to try. Yes, they venture into the tourist areas sometimes as well, but distinguishing them from the scamming pack is not easy and your “my girl is different” claim is mostly false.

I have discussed this many times with my wife. She suggests we move back to Thailand and set up an internet dating and matchmaking agency. She claims, and I can confirm that, she can find hundreds of sincere and genuine Thai girls for marriage and long term relationship with foreign men. She claims this is one of the few possibilities for good girls to meet a good man and she herself got registered, together with her friends, with a few of those marriage agencies before we met. I have set up and run several businesses in the past and have a good experience building internet based ventures including community portals, with integrated VoIP, instant messaging, video chat functions, payment options. I would like to ask fellow readers about their opinions, perhaps their experience with such services and what they think about the whole idea.

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Stickman's thoughts:

I agree with everything you say. I do however think that there is already a surplus of matchmaking agencies so creating a new one and turning it into a commercial successful story may be harder than you think.

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