Burnt by a Bargirl, What did you Expect?
There have been many submissions where the subject matter has dealt with Farang / Bar girl relationships; I tend to read these submissions with a morbid fascination. I guess that it never ceases to amaze me why any semi-intelligent man would ever want
to entrust their heart to a prostitute. Once the relationship goes pear shaped the man more often or not launches an indignant tirade of abuse against the lady in question who lied, cheated and stole throughout their relationship. My question
is simply. What did you expect?
Would you allow the local burglar to house sit for you? Would you allow a junkie to look after your pharmacy whilst you popped out for lunch? The answer would be an emphatic no & no.
Now I’m sure that the above persons of ill repute could charm the birds from the trees if they put their minds to it. In fact, they may be rather good at it by the nature of the deviousness required to be who they are. The fact is scammers will tell you what you want to hear, bar girls are adept at it.
You see, from the very first moment you met your bar / girlfriend she began lying to you but is that her fault? Not really as it is what you expected from her and indeed wanted from her, on your first meeting with her in the bar would you have preferred she said “Hello handsome man can I talk to you” and then later on “I’m feeling so, so horny please bar fine me and take me home with you”. Or would you have preferred a more honest “You’re really not my type, my fanny is still sore from my earlier gang bang. The thought of shagging you makes me want to puke but fuck it, I’m desperate for cash so get me a bit more pissed with lady drinks before we go so that I don’t have to think about what I’m about to do”.
Honesty in this scenario is not going to work for either of you is it?
The lie is fine if you see it for what it is. The girls are selling the fantasy and the punters are buying it. A fair exchange, the problems come when the punter decides to extend the fantasy into becoming his everyday reality. How can you make last forever what never truly existed in the first place?
I have lived in Thailand for a number of years now and have met untold people who delight in telling about this little darling they met in a bar and they will often come out with such lines as: She is so attentive, she puts toothpaste on my toothbrush, washes me in the shower, cleans my room etc. It won’t last my friend, it’s all part of the fantasy that she is selling and you are eagerly buying. She wants you to fall in love with her. It’s simple, the more you like her the more you will do for her. One of my favourite lines is “She saves me money when I buy things.” No, no, no she is not saving you your money, she is saving what she believes to be her potential money. She doesn’t want you blowing money on fancy hotels and restaurants when you could be spending it on her. Also she has now convinced you that this relationship is not about money at all. The scam is gathering momentum. She’s got you.
When I used to try to subtly warn of the dangers of falling for a bar girl I was more often than not met with the not so original line of “But she is different”.
They always say that “She is different”. What they really mean to say is that ‘I am different’. I am different to the hundreds of other sex tourists who salivated, sweated and spunked over her smooth as silk skin. Different to the other men who held her hand laughing merrily without a care in the world. Different to those men who listened attentively to her stories of woe whilst she nestled her sobbing head in the crook of his neck.
I am different, too clever to be scammed and too good not to be truly appreciated.
You may be different in your eyes but not in hers.
By this stage the punter is not only believing her lies but he’s also starting to believe his own. He’s being sold by his own propaganda because he wants it to be true, needs it to be true.
A scammer will successfully sell an idea to the victim; a good scammer will get the victim to sell the idea to himself. Bar girls are good scammers.
Now that you are an “item” you may take pleasure of seeing the delight in her face when you buy things for her, feel like a knight in shining armour for raising her standard of living and offering her a future outside of the bar scene. In return all you ask for is love, loyalty and a little gratitude. Sounds good but there is something you are not taking into account.
How many times have you heard ‘I gave her everything and she still cheated me’? The guys miss the point completely here. A successful scammer doesn’t want to share wealth with the ‘victim’. Their sole aim is to remove the wealth from the ‘victim’.
The ‘love’ deal will often be sealed when the girl decides to show her seriousness with the relationship by taking the man to meet her family in her village. The man will be honoured by this suggestion and may even feel special to be the ‘first’ man be invited to meet her family. On arriving at the family home he will be met by a ramshackle dwelling and greeted by the forever grinning extended family,treated to the best fare they have to offer before being paraded around the village so that all the locals can smile and nod in appreciation at the girl's good fortune to find such a handsome man. “Good luck to you.” (You’ll need it).
This is a carefully orchestrated scenario, an essential part of the confidence trick. You will feel humbled by the warm welcome and feel almost indebted. You will feel sorrow for the poor living conditions and will make a mental note to ensure that your girlfriend never has to live like this again. You have crossed an emotional line.
For the girl's part this visit is unlikely to have all the romantic connotations that you have dreamed up. She is just showing off to her family and fellow villagers much the same way that a hunter may do when returning with a wild boar to feed the family. The only difference is that this boar has the potential to feed the family for years to come.
Soon after, marriage shall be discussed and the inevitable question of Sin Sot (aka the cash extraction) shall arise. Cultural and family expectations shall be enough to convince the gullible to part with their money. It shall be the first of many cash requests by your soon to be wife. (Why pay money to the parents for a woman who’s already been bought hundreds of times before?)
The marriage shall follow soon after and you alone will be drunkenly celebrating your new found love whilst everyone else drunkenly celebrates their new found wealth.
Once the honeymoon period has worn off you will find that your wife no longer likes to wash your bollocks whilst clipping your toenails (can’t think why!). Sex has now become a chore for her unless used as a reward for your generosity. She is no longer so compliant and loving, she disappears for days on end, her demands for gifts and money are exhausting your finances. She demands absolute loyalty and faithfulness whilst not trusting you to be alone. (You may think that is because she loves you so much. In her mind it is because she owns the cash cow that you are and no-one else is going to benefit from your stupidity apart from her).
Your friends can see your distress and sincerely advise you to walk away, cut your losses and run but then again they don’t know her like you do – they weren’t there during all the fun times, the moments when you felt that you and your wife were the only 2 people in the world. No, your friends do not understand what they are saying and anyway, who are they to be slagging off your wife? What gives them the right to be so judgmental? Far better to keep your distance from your friends. Your wife was right, no good comes from mixing with them. All you want is for you and your wife to be happy. Perhaps if you give into all her unreasonable demands things will be better.
Your darling wife feels that she has got as much as she can get from you now – she’s got a car, house and jewelry. It’s time for her to move on to richer pickings. Se’s been grooming a number of guys since before you met. One of the guys has been horrified by the stories she has been saying about you and is more than willing to rescue her. She hardly even bothers to continue the illusion of love and companionship with you now. Not to worry though as you will continue to delude yourself enough for the both of you.
You have invested time, money and your emotions into this relationship so as the saying goes “in for a penny, in for a pound”.
Soon it all ends. She has left for pastures new with her newly acquired wealth. For her this scam has been a great success. Sure she may feel a pang of guilt over fleecing you but for her the end justifies the means. You are just a man and men have been using and cheating her all her life. When she first met you, you wanted to use her, wanted to invade her body for a few paltry baht, even tried to get the price lower, thought that she may want to do it for free. You came to her for a fuck and she came to you for your money. She got your money and you got fucked, really fucked.
For you your world has collapsed. You have finally realised that the girl you met when she was a lying cheating whore has turned out to be a … Well, a lying cheating whore.
You may feel betrayed but don’t take it too personally because in her mind it was not about you, it never was.
That's a pretty accurate portrayal of what happens!