I have been reading the posts on your site these last couple of weeks and have found them to be very interesting…and true.
I would like some advice on my issue and experiences to date, so I will fill you in on the story. Sorry if it is long, but I am trying to give an indication of the character of the person in question.
It was my first time out of England and I went to Thailand for 10 weeks to study Thai music for my degree (not intending to get involved with any of the bar girls or anything as I am a relationship man, not 'butterfly farang', and the bar girl scene is not my cup of tea).
I was staying with my father who lives and teaches in Thailand, and he showed me round and introduced me to a load of his Thai friends.
In my last couple of weeks in Thailand, I went with my dad to get a haircut near Sukhumvit and it is there that he met a bubbly Thai woman who had just finished her shift there and managed to drag him out for a drink while I had my haircut.
So I met up with them, and then the lady's friend came along to join her (I will call her May).
I am only 21 and I am a good looking lad, and after I got up to jam with the venue's musicians and then sat down to speak to my dad and these two ladies, I could see that I had made an impression, and May seemed very shy talking to me. Anyway, we all got talking and had a nice time, and then my dad suggested that we go get some food together, so we went on to a restaurant and spoke some more.
By this time, May's friend (who had taken a liking to my dad but as a friend by appearances) informed me that May liked me and had asked if I was single, so I began considering her, and she made the move by taking my hand
Then we went to a club in Sukhumvit, and I sat while the others danced. I found May was dancing a little provocatively around me despite her earlier shyness, and when I decided that I was interested, we made our intentions known.
I am a relationship type of guy though, and I am not experienced, so I was not looking at her as a one night stand, and I was not sure what I wanted.
Anyway, the girls were asking if we wanted to go someplace else (at 3:30 AM), but I said no and asked if they wanted to come back to my dads apartment opposite where I was staying…
So the girls bought more booze at a 7 while my Dad was saying to me 'well fair play to them for buying good whiskey themselves, but these girls are probably streetwalkers, so do what you have to do and then forget about May', and then when back we had a little party. We got on well, stayed up until the next day, and then May asked me if I would like to come back to her apartment in On nut.
She was insistent that she was not 'loose' and she was saying that she did not want us to do the deed for a couple of days, but things happened soon enough anyway, and I discovered that she is a very sex-driven woman.
(I also discovered she is 26, but looks 21).
Anyway, I ended up staying with her and falling in love far too quickly. The thing is though, she did not really WANT anything from me…she had her own money and was happy to dig in to her own pocket, and she was accepting of the fact that I could not do too much for her because I was there with small money. I was thinking at the time though that my dad was probably right, because she often had phone calls that she did not want me to hear, etc.
And of course she is staying in a nice room in the Farang area, seems to have a little money to keep herself, often goes out clubbing, and most importantly, she had not worked for a few months.
She is Isaan, and her argument is that her family owns a pig farm and business so she is never poor, she has a good education, and the Japanese car company she worked for (she speaks ok Japanese) paid a good wage for a few years and she saved up money in the bank. She was telling me that she quit after she split with her last farang boyfriend a few months ago and got ill, and then she moved to Bangkok to stay a while and 'holiday'.
Now I know all the little details of what all this points toward, but anyway, she was busy showing me pics of her at home and with her family and ex boyfriend and all the rest, so I could see that they are not poor.
Anyway, we stayed together and went out most nights of the week to various clubs where a lot of the girls seem to freelance with farang, and I discovered that she has a liking for booze and excessive dancing, and is quite happy to go to a disco club until 7 AM to do this. I had some serious doubts and did not hide this fact from her, but we went along happily enough.
Now it was nearly time for me to go back to England, and we knew what the situation was: I am a 21 year old who will graduate from uni in July. Neither me nor my family own property or businesses and have little money.
I would not be able to get her to England until a few years down the line, and she would never really get much from me. So there is nothing in it for her, but she was telling me that she does not care about money and she is not 'poor girl'. The one thing I did establish however is that the first thing I am doing in July is moving to Thailand to teach and live, and since we both said we love each other and had formed a bond, we told each other we would wait.
She was also telling me that she would maybe be getting to England, and that when she did she would come and see me – more on this later…
Anyway, to show that I was serious, I offered to get engaged to her just before I left (although I would obviously not be able to marry in England for some years) and she accepted.
Now back in England we have been going online with the webcam for several hours a day at all times of day, night and morning, and through this I have established that she cannot be working the bar, and the only real thing she could be doing on a regular basis would be short-time work. I know she does not bring men back, and she usually answers the phone promptly at various points of the night when she goes out drinking, and then we go online when she gets back.
It still does not add up to me however why she would be wasting her money around the clubs quite regularly, and some of her friends seem like the freelancer type also, who often seem to have men buying them drinks. But she swears blind that she loves me and does not screw around with other men.
The thing is, she does not like explaining herself and often has the actions of a bad liar… I have not made it easy for her, and I have shown her that I am not stupid and that if she really is genuine then she has to prove it to me. The times when she does not answer the phone for a couple of hours at a club because she 'did not hear it' for example (we know how much they are all glued to their phones), and also generally who she is and what she does and with whom, and why she can afford it all. 'I lazy to explain, and it boring now' is what she will say to me, almost like it is a game.
Now I knew something was up with her maybe being able to get to England, and I did not believe that it really was her 'cousin married to English man with business' who was bringing her to England.
Then she dropped the bombshell…she might not be able to stay with me in England because she might have to work in London for her cousin to make money and stay there so she could not come and stay with me and work in my area as we had planned, but she could come and see me sometimes.
So of course, I interrogated her and threatened to be done with her, until she finally told the truth…she was terrified that I would leave her if she told me, but basically she said that she had an ex-boyfriend she had known for 2 years who was helping her to get to England if she worked for his business and paid him back for the cost… She was saying there was nothing in it, and she was begging me to wait for her until we could be together and she would have good money.
I said 'not a hope in hell', and then I suggested something…that if this man really was just a friend, then she should call him and ask him if she can come stay and work with me, and furthermore, that if he emailed me, I would talk to him and I would make sure we could pay the guy back the costs between us… So she did that and spoke on the phone a couple of times when online to me (but I cannot be sure if it was for real) and she said it would be ok, and she would be able to stay with me. She did not think that email was a good idea however…
Now basically, I am not sure what to make of the current situation…The last couple of nights she has been out too much and will occasionally talk to me when she is out at the start of the night, and then not be contactable, giving the excuse of 'sorry, I ran out of battery' when she wanders home drunk at 5, 6 or 7 AM. She does stay in many nights though as well, sometimes for a few days at a time, during which we are online all the time, so if she is screwing around, for cash or drinks and fun, then it cannot be a regular thing.
The thing is…if she is not genuine and she has some farang sending her money and coming to see her, then why would she be holding onto me with such passion? I am not completely stupid…she knows I have been well-educated about Thai women, and she knows that as soon as a farang comes to see her I will know about it. She also knows that I will leave her if she HAS to stay in London with this ex, and basically I have been making it damned hard for her, bringing her up about any lies, asking her all the things she does not want to say, trying to find out if she is a really badly lying freelancer, or if she is a 1 in a hundred 'good girl' who likes farang and drinks on Sukhumvit. <Such a creature does not exist – Stick>
Yes, we have been through it all…I have even got her to swear on my life, and on Buddha!!! I know she is Buddhist, but I don't know how much value this carries.
Basically, she interrogates me because she is used to farang having other women, and I interrogate her more so because of who she is.
Unfortunately myself and my father had a falling out so I cannot ask him for help finding out the truth, but he believes that she is no good and I should forget. <Listen to your father! – Stick>
Now, I have been with the right people, and have been well educated about Thai women in Their various forms, from the good Thai Buddhist girls, to the freelancing farang lovers, to the full-blown bar girls, and I have heard all the stories, both good and bad. But I guess I just had to take a chance and see for myself and hold on to a dream perhaps. I might know a few things about Thailand by now, but I have not LEARNED yet and I am young.
So I am not rich, cannot keep her in England, cannot offer her much that she does not have. I am not willing to believe anything she says if it is not founded. I know what to look out for in a Thai woman, and I make things hard for her when she does something that looks bad, and I will be gone as soon as I think another farang has come knocking…
My question is: If she was not genuine in many respects (apart from the occasional mishaps that you would expect from a horny woman left alone), then why would she be trying to keep me? I have already told her that if she is lying to me about the big things, then we are only delaying the inevitable.
This woman is a freelancing prostitute. Her behaviour is EXACTLY that of a freelancer. She may be one of the new generation of freelancer who not only trawl the popular freelancing venues between Nana and Asoke but who also have an online presence.
There are numerous red flags with this woman. From the not answering the mobile phone at certain times and making silly excuses to the things about her pas that just do not add up. You really should have listened to your father. He lives here and obviously has a few clues. She sounds like VERY bad news.
My advice is simple. Nothing good can come of this. Just walk away. There is no upside to being involved with a woman like this. She is a good time girl, not relationship material.