Readers' Submissions

The Archbishop, Cotton Panties, Spanking, Love and Marital Fidelity in Thailand



An Archbishop said the mass and there was a Cardinal in attendance among the thousand or so business leaders and politicians. I didn’t much care for anyone at his funeral. I knew them pretty well. When I was a small child in Washington President Truman had told me my father was one of a handful of men who had really helped win WWII as he patted my head and then got back in his car with the secret service guys on the running boards.

I am listening to a Carabao concert with a 19 year old Thai chic who is in to S&M. It is really rare to find a woman that age who really likes to get spanked and have her ears held like the handlebars of a chopper.

Tables at the concert went for a thousand baht for eight seats or there was a close by hotel with balconies for only 1500. God, the amps are big and the speakers must be able to be heard for miles. The big man got on stage at 10:15. Since we started at 8 I am ready for a rest. Plus, since I am an equal opportunity S&Mer my butt can use the rest too. She spanks hard and really gets into it. It is interesting to feel the release of fluid coordinated with her slaps. Then she gets on my lap and shoves her backside up like a cat waiting to be brushed. She is a tall woman with braided hair and large open, deer in the headlamp, eyes.

The first time I thought I was back at the Castle without the 800 baht a drink prices. I worried about her the first time. I thought I might have been a bit rough with her. I did the hundred baht notes under the pillow trick.

For those who don’t know, first you agree on a price and then take a handful of hundreds and make sure she knows they are a tip. Everybody swallows in the pre coital negotiation process the notes under the pillow are a guarantee of compliance. Negotiation with a bar girl is much like forming an African cabinet with two lifelong enemies.

However after the first time I felt I may have gotten the better of her. Age and experience always trumps youth and intelligence but I felt bad about it. Even though she seemed happy I wondered if the gagging thing was an act or she really was uncomfortable.

It was with a bit of trepidation that I came back to her place of work and I will admit I was relieved when she ran up to me with a cold soda and told me she missed me. I made sure she had suffered no discomfort and asked her what she was up for that night. She whacked me on the butt and then herself with a resounding smack. The momma san left the table frowning and Aun was smiling a big broad grin as the other girls had the end of the month – beginning of the coming depression and freefall of the Brit and Aussie currency blues. Maybe it just pays to know when to shop.

Her eyes lit up when I suggested a concert. I doubt if she knew exactly what I had in mind but a fifth of cheap Thai moonshine and some som tom settled her in for the evening. I of course also had a cooler full of rotting shellfish, road kill, jungle weeds and a bushel of cayenne peppers to make her feel in Issan culinary heaven.

After a dinner a bottle of Listerine and a shower she smelled OK. I don’t know how many times she came. She has an arresting habit of staring me straight in the eyes when we make love. It is unusual if ones knows many Thai women. Rarely do they want lights on let alone feeling at home enough to look right into your eyes in that the most intimate of moments. At any rate she was curled up in my arms sipping moonshine and sucking on a crab leg with some peppers as we snuggled and listened to the concert.

This would not have been an event worthy of note in the hallowed library of Stickman submissions except for the fact that I fell in love this afternoon and asked a woman to move in with me tomorrow. The two events are of course not related and with two different women and the third is sucking on the crab leg. This is Thailand boys.

What prompted me to write this were some comments by some individuals who are long on morals and short on life experience. A fellow poster seemingly was at cross purposes when he mentioned loving his wife and also bonking bar babes.

There is a lot of blather tossed around here about a lot of things that seem perhaps out of place with standard Judeo Christian morality and Thai customs.

If the measure of a man is taken in the bedroom few would pass muster. All of our heroes have feet of clay. If I could lace the Pope's dessert with a performance enhancing prescription pharmaceutical I am sure a trip to Boys town or Beach road or the Hell club would ease up his nasty stance on condoms and birth control in general.

I was sorely tempted to tell the woman at lunch I was in love with her. Instead I told her about my woman problems. I told her I pined for the most beautiful woman in town. A woman that was a complete package. Educated, beautiful, rich and a joy to be with.

And that she is.

Gosh what a catch she would make. I leave it to her to figure out the woman I was talking about was in fact herself. She only has one PhD, I figure it will take her a couple of days to text message me. Something like “were you talking about me at lunch?”

I told her the woman was too young for me. “How old?” She said. “33.”, I said. She said, “That’s not too young.” Who knows maybe she already knows and is stringing me along. I can tell it is going to cost me some gold to get off her white cotton made in NZ panties. She is Thai but lived in NZ and the UK to complete her education and language training.

I told the girl whom I asked to move in today, three months ago, if she ever stopped working in a bar to call me. She stopped working in the bar after a week but did not call. I think she has a husband. Today I ran into her at her new food stand. I think hubby may have done a disappearing act seeing her drop in income from selling pussy to selling noodles. She likes cooking better than cocking. His loss my gain. She is a good housekeeper and I am really tired of washing dishes and ironing my own pants.

So now you all know my stance on your funny western morals. Keep them to yourselves. Those of us living in Thailand are not in your world and I certainly don’t try and tell countries like Australia that forced censorship of the internet is a bad idea. Maybe you need it. I don’t live there. But please gentlemen don’t try and tell me about the rightness or wrongness of marital fidelity in Thailand.

You need to spend some time here to understand things. Most of the English language instructors in Pattaya are Irish. At first that seems odd. But when you realize there is a large secondary market for educators to teach Irish speaking Thais English it becomes clear. That simple fact may save the Philippines from economic disaster since they are now sending almost all their college graduates to Thailand because there are no jobs in the Philippines. But of course they got rid of those horrible American servicemen at Subic bay.

Good night Princess wherever you are. You are just another fat old whore but you were my fat old whore and I wish you happiness. May you find love or a reasonable facsimile.

Stickman's thoughts:

I don't think there is anything I can say…