Readers' Submissions

Lies

  • Written by Anonymous
  • November 24th, 2008
  • 6 min read



A story has developed with a 'cousin' of the Mrs. I say 'cousin' because there may be no family connection at all from my experience. When I first visited her village in Isaan we walked around visiting her relatives and other friends of the family. One such family were keen to point out that their daughter (the cousin) was working in South Korea in a Thai restaurant and was earning good money. Good for her I thought, whilst not being particularly interested.

Apparently she was working over there with her Thai boyfriend. All sounded fairly normal until the Mrs got a call from the cousin about one year later. She had been arrested for not having a visa / work permit and was about to be deported back to Thailand and someone had to pick her up from the airport. A few calls were received from the cousin and her family in Isaan and it then turned out that she had a Korean husband. I was somewhat confused now about the Thai boyfriend but ignored that part and I pointed out that if she had a Korean husband then most likely she would not need a visa / work permit. Something was fishy here. Anyway the Mrs went to pick her up at the airport and was greeted by two girls. The other was a fellow inmate from Chiang Mai who had also been arrested and deported and who had been invited to stay at my house for the night before catching the bus back home the next day. Luckily I was asleep when they got home and wasn't aware of the extra guest. In the morning I caught a glimpse of the cousin. Complete dog, looked like she had been dragged through a hedge.

Anyway they returned home and then village gossip spread. According to her parents she had been sending in the region of 50,000 to 80,000 baht a month home. Hang on! No waiter or waitress in the world is going to have that much surplus cash each month so either they are lying or she is a whore. I strongly believe it is both actually because even a whore is unlikely to have that much cash left over each month, especially one so ugly.

It seems that some Thais are so bad at lying that they can't even remember the crap they have said before and fail to keep the story consistent. This was further highlighted when the Mrs told me that the cousin was coming to Bangkok to pick up her Thai boyfriend from the airport. What the hell is going on?

Deviating slightly. The Mrs then told me that she wanted to go home for a few days and she could get a lift with the cousin and her boyfriend. They were going to buy a car the day after his arrival and drive up to Udon Thani. No bloody way was my response: a) they are clearly a dodgy pair b) he / she probably doesn't have a license c) even if they had a license they haven't driven a car for at least a year having been in Korea and therefore there would be high chance that they wouldn't even make it to Udon, probably end up dead in a ditch. What on earth was she thinking. I was asked if they could stay the night and the look in my eyes was enough for her to know the answer. <It's good to see a Western guy in Thailand actually being a man for once, and not giving in to every whimStick>

The final straw. The cousin who had been picked up at the airport, fed and given a bed for the night then told her family, and hence the rest of the village, that we lived in a very dirty and smelly house. What a nice way to show your appreciation. We live in a house that is scrubbed from top to bottom three times a week by a team of five maids and is kept spotless by the Mrs on the other days so the odour could of only have come from one person.

I really don't understand the way some people behave in this country. I've been here for more than eight years, the more I learn the less I understand.

One more thing, and this is something that Mrs Stick may have some thoughts on. We live in a village in Nonthaburi and everyday a woman pushes a cart around selling BBQ meat balls with spicy sauce. The Mrs has developed quite a taste for them and so tends to buy from this woman quite frequently and obviously has a natter with her. I would say she started buying from this woman around one month ago. Yesterday the doorbell rang and it was meat ball woman but with no cart. I didn't hear the conversation but the woman asked if she could borrow one thousand baht because her mother had had a heart attack and was in ICU at the local hospital. Smells of bullshit doesn't it, which mother was it this time? Despite being amazed that a stranger would approach the Mrs for money I pointed out that one thousand baht to pay for the care of a heart attack patient simply did not add up. At least 20,000 baht would be needed surely. I spoke to my neighbour's wife about it and she said that the Mrs is "just too nice". She told the Mrs not to be so chatty and friendly to people in the city as they will take advantage, it is not the same as up-country. Do you think this was good advice?

Last thing. We went to SFX cinema yesterday to watch the latest 007 film and I noticed they had 'sofa' VIP tickets in the last row for 200 baht each. Bargain I thought and got the centre sofa for myself and the Mrs. Quite superb, a reclining sofa. Everything was perfect for the film until a couple occupied the sofa next to the Mrs. The guy spoke continuously throughout the film. Didn't really bother me because I was transfixed by the film but others around him were clearly pissed off. I have seen this happen almost every time I have been to the cinema in this country. Firstly, why buy the most expensive seats if you don't intend to watch the film and why bother going at all. Secondly I thought that Thai people were terrified of upsetting each other. Do these prats have any respect for people around them and understand that they are ruining the event for others. I am starting to get the impression that a lot of people in this country really don't give a toss about others. Another thing that disturbs me is the content of Thai advertisements before the film. Most of the time a guy is trying to chase a girl and she just behaves like a child. Yesterday there was an advert where the guy was showering her with presents, trying to make her laugh blah blah blah and it was only at the end when she got the advertised product that she giggled and smiled. I was almost physically sick. Also there a few trailers for Thai comedy shows. My Thai is not very good but I really couldn't see anything funny about the films. I understand that Thai's appreciate the slapstick type of comedy but this was just idiotic. They even had an character who was disabled having things thrown at her. Mai ko jai!

Stickman's thoughts:

Interesting set of stories and anecdotes. I have to admit that I admire your style for standing up to your wife. It seems to me that few Western men do that and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. I get the feeling that some are scared of their wife and others are scared that their wife may leave them if they don't do as they say – which really is a dreadful situation to be in…