PHIT 15 – Brothers I Got Faith and a Bridge to Sell You!

Stickies, something be bothering me lately. No. Make that someones be bothering me. It’s them damn zealots wandering the streets of Bangkok trying to convert us to they own brand of lunacy. So this week me I want to tell you about their funny beliefs and why Aha thinks they are thoroughly misguided.

Hoooo boy! You are saying, eh? Here he goes on a rant about religion that damn crazy Aha. Yeah, sort of. But by now you guys should know that good ol’ Aha he don’t mess about or tell you untruths. Stay with me here ok? We gonna have some real fun and maybe you gonna learn somethings along the way.

Before you go any further get up from your computer and go look up at the sky. If it’s daytime you will not see much except maybe some clouds and birds so don’t bother to leave your seat. But night time is a whole nother story eh? If you are out in the country you can see billions of stars in just your small part of the sky. Have you ever thought about the vast distances you would have to travel out to them sparkling little lights? Sure you have and your poor brain got real tired real fast. Those distances are so damn mind-boggling that we can hardly imagine them. Some of the faintest lights our most powerful telescopes can see have traveled for billions of years to reach us. When you see them lights you are looking back into the distant past, a past so long ago it’s almost impossible to comprehend. No siree! It hurts our heads to even think about how huge those distances are and how small and alone in the galaxy we is or we thinks we is.

Excuse me while I scratch my head. Does that silly bible book written by a bunch of long haired nutters fishermen and shepherds over a few thousand years really say that the world is only 6,000 years old and we are expected to believe it? Maybe you should go find a beach somewhere and ask some other fishermens today what they thinks, eh? If they do have an opinion each one will be different for sure and it will nots be a great revelation. They gonna say things like “Who cares?” or “Where’s the fish gone?” or something equally profound. So will any shepherds you ask. In fact the last shepherd Aha met was some dumbass yokel up in the hills and all he was interested in was when he could lumber down to a bar and drink hisself to oblivion. Baaaah! Baaaaah! Me I didn’t get no inspiration from him let me tell you. He was a damn greedy guy too. He hogged all the beautiful sheeps for hisself the rat!

Anyway when you look up into that night sky and consider how many planets and universes there are out there it stands to reason that there must be plenty of other planets like ourn somewhere eh? And on them planets there are probably living sentient beings of some kind. Of course they for sure are not as hansome and well toned like yours truly. Hell! They probably real ugly looking critters to our eyes. We seen right here on earth that life develops very strange shapes as it adapts to its environment. Surely if there is a god he would want to make beautiful creatures he could look at and feel content with eh? They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You gots to wonder what god is beholding sometimes. He sure ain’t be holding mine that’s for sure!

No. Me I reckon there is lots of life out there in the universe and very likely they is even some creatures that maybe look a bit like us. Do you think they gonna be Catholics or Muslims or Hindoos out there? Ha Ha Ha Aha!!! Me I don’t think so either eh?

Hey! Me I tell you what though. If there are planets with some hot looking womens out there you can bet Aha and Bart is gonna be the first on the space ship! And Korski he’s gonna follow on the next ship, notepad and pen in hand to take notes and write books about our sexual exploits. We will leave Fanta and LookPapa and Sawadee2000 behind though. They already talk too much philosophy. Me I reckon them three they will be discussing the relative merits of everything even when the world is destroyed yet again in some distant future by a huge meteor or maybe by some capricious god. Did you know that scientists say our planet has already been completely destroyed two or three times in the past by a big meteor hitting it? That’s good news you probably didn’t want to hear eh? Yet somehow life has come back to this planet billions of years later. If that is the case surely it makes sense that plenty of other planets out in the universe have life on them too.

For sure we not gonna take Jimmy Foxx either. He would fall in love with a log if it had a nice looking knothole in it! Nai Harn Cliff would be a problem to take up there too. He already thinks he be god. What he gonna say if we find a civilization out there in deep space that says they are gods? Poor old Cliff he gonna be running around looking for the nearest cliff to jump off eh? Better we leave these guys home so just Bart and me can do what comes naturally. Yesiree! Bart and me we just wanna worship at the apex of every man’s dream.

Anyway lets get back to talking about sex and femails out in space and here on earth.

Aha! Me I can heare you saying At last Aha he has got onto his favorite topic. You bet! Everything comes down to sex in the end, eh? Without good sex the whole universe would not exist. Even whole galaxies have sex. Yes they do. The scientists looking out there through the Hubble telescope can see galaxies ‘merging’ to produce new stars and galaxies. If that isn’t sex me I don’t know what it is, eh? Ha Ha Ha Aha!!!

Buuuuuulllllll shiiite! Sex is the only thing keeping the whole damn mess going.

Ok. Come back down to earth here for a minute because me I want to talk about what a mess religion has made of our natural urge to procreate. Oh yeah. They keep on telling us our bodies is bad, sex is not good for you, put a bag over the womens haid so other men don’t get lustful and while you are at it cover up everything else too eh? So are they telling us that a woman is one big sex organ? Wow! Me I want some of that – but don’t bag it up for me ok?

Don’t all religions tell us that god created us in his own image? So what is wrong with our bodies then eh? We must all be mini gods. Me I don’t get it. What are these religious wingnuts trying to tell us then? They can’t have it both ways eh?

Bet you don’t know that Aha is religious too eh? Yeah it’s true but not like them people who want to bash us over the head with the bible or koran and stop us having fun. Me I prefer to worship at the best altar there is for us human mans; a woman’s pussy. Oh yeah! Now there is a real piece of heaven. You can keep your incense, men in women’s clothes (except for trannies of course!) calling theyselves ‘Father’ when they never ever made a child, or dry dusty prune faced old nuns, and rules written in a book by a bunch of illiterates. Give me some damn fine pussy to worship instead!

So you Stickies who come to Thailand for all the great pussy here. Make sure next time you are worshipping at the altar of love that you is truly gratefuls for the best gift the universe has given us as long as it is not some whores pussy. That’s why Bart and Aha is telling you whenever we can to leave them damn whores alone. Who wants to get down to worship at a used up old altar that so many other mens before you has used eh? Ewwwwwww. That thought is enough to make this big strapping superbly built Samoan love god faint with disgust.

Let me tell you Stickies that the trip Korski took Bart and me on to Soi Cowboy for the sex survey was a real eye-opener. Ever time some woman she try to entice us to have sex we just got this picture of the hundreds of other guys she has sleeped with. Is that really what you guys want? Me I would rather go to heaven with a woman who truly loves me. Someone who will not be in someone else’s arms tomorrow night. Someones who will give all herself to me because we both has mutual feelings for each other.

Every time you guys buy some woman’s body that is all you is getting. You might as well go hump a plastic doll. Maybe that would be much better so you don’t have to be putting up with the whore’s demands for money and the problems she for sure gonna cause you and the emotional roller coaster she gonna take you on. Is it really worth all that?

Come on you guys. Some of you is still writing to Stick complaining about Bart and me but we all know why you do that do not we? The truth hurts. So look within and stop trying to lay all your problems on our strong manly shoulders. We cannot be solving your problems. All you gots to do is leave the whores for the debased fat slobs who cannot do any better for theyselfs. Get some good ol’ Bart and Aha religion and find a nice clean altar to worship at. You will nots regret it!

Hmmmmm maybe it is time to go check out Dana’s church. Maybe he has found the perfect pussy…???

Stickman's thoughts:

I can just imagine you, Bart and Korski in Soi Cowboy…