Readers' Submissions

Contra Jayson




I wasn't gonna write about this, but it's been bugging me, in the back of my head, so I figured why not unburden myself of some thoughts on the subject. Jayson is wrong on many counts. The situation is not as bad as he paints it, and Thai girls don't think as Jayson claims they do. I don't think girls anywhere think in the terms described by Jayson. Jayson DID capture an important truth, that farang have their romantic options somewhat limited here, and it's important for everyone to realize this, especially when there is so much nonsense about Thai girls being mad for farang, etc, etc, but it's a shame that the one submission that really addresses this crucial point about living in Thailand should contain so many distortions and exaggerations. It certainly doesn't deserve a green star submission just because it captures a single kernel of truth, however crucial, while burying it in a heap of distortions.

Jayson may not be the candid, impartial observer he might seem to be, either, simply telling it how it is with no personal emotional stake in skewing things any particular way. Fact is, Jayson is an Asian guy who grew up in America and then returned to Thailand to live. However bad we farang have it in Thailand, an Asian guy in the States has it a million times worse, romantically. He is a complete non-entity for white girls (and believe me, many Asian guys back home lust after white girls, who are at the apex of the sexual pyramid in the States, and who are almost completely unattainable for them) and has to suffer the added indignity of many – if not most – Asian girls of all stripes preferring white guys, or at least idealizing them, as well. Check out this website – www.bitterasianmen.com, set up by two Asian guys whose girlfriends ditched them for white guys. It's very revealing, as well as quite funny and entertaining, too. The extremely low sexual status of Asian guys in the West – even amongst their own women – DOES make some of them bitter, although clearly not all. Each individual handles it differently, just as farang do in Thailand, even though our status here is infinitely higher. But I would suggest that an Asian guy growing up in this environment and then coming to a country where it is white guys whose sexual status is lower would simply be too giddy with delight to remain entirely objective on this matter, whether consciously or not.

Jayson's reasons for why farang are not perceived as desirable partners strikes me as bogus and unconvincing as a guide to the female mentality anywhere. Thais and other Asians patronise whores just as avidly as farang, if not more so, so it seems absurd to suggest that farang have a unique reputation for whoring in Thailand. Jayson also suggests that Thai girls are exposed to Asian ideals of male beauty that farang don't fulfil. There are two points to note here. One, Thai girls are exposed almost as much to farang ideals of beauty through Hollywood, which is pervasive and influential in Thailand, and many farang guys, younger ones to be sure, very much fulfil the Thai preference for refined male beauty over rugged male beauty. To be perfectly honest, I don't think most Thai girls consider Thai guys particularly attractive even amongst Asians, and consider Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese men much better looking – yet most Thai girls would prefer to end up with a rich Thai guy (clue here, people). But the more salient point is that women anywhere – and especially Thailand! – don't choose their partners primarily on looks. This is such a well known point about female psychology that Jayson's discussion of relative ideals of beauty seems astonishingly naive and beside the point. Looks are a secondary consideration for women everywhere, and more so in poor countries where a woman's' one chance of betterment is often bagging a rich husband. Look around you at RCA at the hot girls and who they are with – I guarantee you won't be much impressed with the men on their arm. No, it isn't in the looks department – of all things and however gratifying it might be for an Asian raised in the West to think it is – in which the Thais have got farang beat.

Yet there IS one quality – and the one most important to women everywhere – in which a portion of Thai men, at least, have ALL the farang in Thailand (but only in Thailand), beat: SOCIAL STATUS. This is what women want most and no farang in Thailand comes close to upper class Thais in possessing this crucial quality. This goes to the heart of the issue – lets face it, the farang community in Thailand is an extremely unrepresentative sample of Westerners. There is a disproportionate number of real scummy people, and the decent folks are nearly always very nice, very decent, but pretty low-class people. Quite nice people, but often rougher sorts, or working class type people – in short, rarely refined, good looking, professional types. And the few professional types that are here are rarely young and good looking.

And this brings me to my central point; You see so few good looking, high quality Thai girls with farang because you see so few good looking, high quality farang in Thailand! It's really as simply as that.. Jayson claims he has a neighbor who is GQ level good looks – I sincerely, sincerely doubt it. I would bet money it isn't true. In my entire time in Thailand I have never seen a farang expat, and even very few tourists, who could be described as the polished, refined, good looking, professional types who would appeal to the equivalent class of Thai women. Quite literally, in 3 years, I have felt almost entirely cut off from the refined class of Westerners that is my natural element in New York. It is absurd that all these rougher farang should think themselves suitable partners for the refined Thais. And the truth is, most farang instinctively gravitate towards the rough, lower class Thais and are genuinely happy with them! They have found their own element. The farang who like the tall, white skinned, refined Thai beauty are genuinely rare in Thailand because, as I have been saying, refined farang are rare in Thailand. I have spoken to many rough salts in Thailand, great guys in their way, who think my preference for the white skinned, delicate Thai women is insane and cannot understand it.

Believe me, if Thailand were suddenly to experience an influx of good looking, refined farang, with good jobs, and young, Thai girls would be going nuts over them. But that's never gonna happen. Farang guys who are sexually successful rarely if ever prefer Asian girls, as hard as it might be for all the people here who rave about the beauty of Thai girls to believe, and if they DO like Asian girls, they can have their pick in most Western cities where the Asian chicks are often MUCH hotter than Thai girls (typically, Chinese, Korean, or Japanese girls). Further, Thailand has a TERRIBLE reputation in the West, in my opinion undeserved, and simply does not seem to attract the better types of farang in large numbers. It's a shame, but it's true. I wish it were different and I always have nothing but good things to say about Thailand, as I really think it is a fine country and at the very least an excellent place for a community of artsy/bohemian types, which if not as good as a professional class would still go some way towards raising the farang profile here.

Further, in Thailand success is often dependent on your social connections or social network. The farang as a community are not well integrated into the social structure of Thailand and have very few social connections of real worth. Contrast this with a rich Thai guy who sits comfortably and cosily in a dense web of social connections that smooth his way through life in a millions small and large ways. This equals power, and no farang guy has this power in Thailand. A beautiful Thai girl who is turned on by high status – as all girls everywhere are – knows all this very, very well.

Finally, a word or two about my own personal experiences with Thai girls. A word about myself. I'm late twenties, make an effort to dress not just well but with some style, and am here on work with a very decent Western level salary. I live in Chiang Mai but have spent lots of time living and partying in Bangkok. I don't indulge too much in the naughty bar scene (although I have no problems with people who do), mostly because regular Thai girls are so much hotter and better, and quite obtainable for a young, decent looking farang guy with upper class Thai friends (another key instrument of success with Thai girls, by the way – the quality of your Thai friends). To be honest, the vast majority of high quality Thai girls, while definitely looking my way in clubs, etc, would NOT go out with me. I perfectly understand why, and what they are looking for, and have no hard feelings. But there is a LARGE group of high quality Thai girls – white skinned, tall, refined, and delicate – who are QUITE willing to either date me or have a good time with me. Often it's girls whose social status is so secure they need not fear any stigma. Not always, though. Very often these girls are friends of friends or were met while out with Thai friends, etc. Annoying thing is, the hot white girls in NYC are more my cup of tea.

In sum, you really have to ask yourself what kind of guy you are, really, and your level Thai girls will mostly match what level of girl you were getting back home. Because this is Thailand and you are a minority who belongs to a group that wields little social power (even though belonging to powerful countries) and are not the majority ethnicity, there is a large percentage of girls not adventurous enough or open minded enough to consider you. But many are – don't believe Jayson. My experiences belie his words.



Stickman's thoughts:

Excellent! Green star awarded because it explores and clearly explains one aspect of dating in Thailand that few seem to get. It should be noted however that this is JUST one aspect and far from all-encompassing.