Stickman Readers' Submissions October 22nd, 2008

30 Steps and a Number 2

OK, so I have wanted to write another submission to the Stickman site but have not had the ingredients to put something together to my liking.

So I waited until I came back from Australia, and see what might just inspire me to write.

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So now I sit in the internet cafe in Pattaya, hot and sweaty, a stomach full of Mexican smoked ribs, and a strong desire for the need to lay a number 2. It seems number 2's are a frequent thing here, especially getting used to the food and environment
for the first week or so. It can sneak up on you when you least expect it. For example, number 2 happened and I was relieved. I had a meal and followed with a cigarette, and about 45 minutes later I was up for another number 2. It would have been
the 3rd for the day and I had only been up for a good 6 hours. So I got that cleared up, hooked up with some of my lady friends and they took me on a big night out. As soon as I walk in the nightclub, BANG!!! The stomach plays up again…I mean,
how many number 2s does one need in a day to get him through? What could I do? Nothing…just ride the storm and hope it doesn't turn into something more demanding.

I guess the problem is I have been waiting for a good 4 months, and thinking of all the abundant food available at such a ridiculously cheap price. And I get here, and break out in an influx of 3 meals for breakfast, – or 1 every 2.5 hours. I just couldn't
stop. I am no FAT GUY, but needed my fix and get as much of the menu in my mind from back home into my system. And until I could eat it all, I was up for this kind of making a complete pig out of myself.

So before I went out last night, I weighed in at 78.4kg. I left Australia at 76.8. Now I thought I was supposed to lose weight here. The hot weather, some walking if I am not too lazy, but it was almost 2 kg…I was a bit disappointed. Well, I danced
for a whole heap of time, walked like mad with these chicks, drunk lots and got back to 7 Eleven with my hotty at dawn to grab some more beers. I weighed myself out the front and bingo…76.4….So a good 6 hours and I lost all the weight again
and I didn't even take a number 2. This is what I love about this place…eat, drink, shag, make a complete tool of yourself in every way and Thailand just treats you well and accepts and accommodates all your needs.


I had too many big nights recently and took a couple of days off. But yesterday I thought I best get my act together. So I walk out of my room…I would say 30 footsteps….at around 4:00pm. Head over and get a massage for an hour…2 girls working on
me, doing a great job. All for $3.70ish for over an hour!!!..I leave their feeling nice, and take another 12 steps approx. and sit down at an outdoor restaurant thing. Eat a great meal and have a beer. Sitting at around 5:15 I decided that I should
have another beer and yet since I have been a boring prick the last couple of days, I should for the hell of it walk another 30 steps and enter a gogo bar. So I pick myself up and go in. Instantly there are 3 pretty special looking women surrounding
me. I figured I may as well have the beer with some nude ladies. Not usually into that thing so much. The 3 girls went nuts all over me, doing crazy shit under the table all at once, and I won't go into the details but it really got a bit
out of hand. So that cost me $15 AUD because I bought them a drink each. So back another 30 steps, to the restaurant for another meal. This would be at around 6:15. I meet a funny bastard from the UK and we share some really entertaining stories
and sit there for a good couple of hours. This is what I love about this place…You can be bored as all hell and do nothing, but as soon as you give anything a chance…for example, leave your room, apartment etc etc…all hell can break loose,
or you can just have a great time without even trying. And that was all so cheap, loads of fun and just the beginning of what was to be a lot bigger night….Oh yeah, I met up with this lovely girl again from last time later that night….I am
sure she is different to the other girls.


Well….Yeah, she works in a bar…But is the mamasan….Hot Hot…I know she has a fair bit of money but this isn't because she goes home with so many guys. She has some pretty key connections out there in Thailand, which I think make her life a
bit easier. She is a cool girl though. For some reason makes me feel a bit goosey around her….no other girl does that here. She even gives me free drinks at the bar…I buy everyone else there drinks also….actually…I didn't take enough
money for me, and her and the honey friend wanted to go out partying that night. I said I would go back to the room and get more but she insisted the night was on her. INSISTED…So the 3 of us went out, got treated like VIPs everywhere we went,
she was buying me drinks all the time…Not sure what I am supposed to think. She said to me that she will want me to buy a buffalo, a house for her parents, a motorbike and a brand new car….and laughed at the thought of how so gullible farangs
are and we all joked about it until we wore out all the possibilities of what she could ask of me. She seems like a legitimately good girl. How can this be, a girl who works in a bar? Well bugger it, I think I will trust her a little more and
enjoy some extra time with her…. I don't want a long distant relationship, just a good friend here (puts out a bit on the side) and have a good time. She doesn't hassle me either and hang around all day…Perfect!! Speaking of which…..HANG
AROUND all day!!

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Now onto the lonely popularity. What on earth goes through these men's minds who spend all his time with these females, who speak next to Jack shit of English. I was in a restaurant the other day by myself, and I was the loudest one in there compared
to the other Farang Thai couples…They just didn't speak. It look uncomfortable, the girl couldn't be bothered with it all but putting on her best posture and table manners to make the Farang look like he has found a good women. I sit
back have a beer, and watch endless streams of these Farangs walk past holding on to some grumpy Thai chick. They look so lonely…

This time here in Thailand I came by myself. Didn't know what it would be like and could easily have some Thai bird hang of my side all day long. It is the last thing I would want… God knows if you got a bad one….which I did the last time in
Thailand…blah blah….so there are exceptions with the ones not wanting to leave…and causing a scene. But most of the Farangs just have a lady, and look lonelier than if they were by themselves and damn, it costs them too and it appears always
in a state of awkwardness… Sounds like a top holiday to me!!!

Well I am glad I came into the internet cafe to write some things to the Stickman website. Sitting here with the Thai girl next to me typing to one of her Farangs. Oh, I did see,"Sorry baby but I get paid today and can send you money now" from
pathetic farang. No doubt I could have just lifted an armpit and hooked her in and spent the next 200 days with her full time. But alas, this is Thailand. Don't be a dick, or do it cleverly and have a ball. 30 steps is all it takes in this
country to experience things most Westerners will never experience in a life time. And that can be just before you are ready to get serious and go out for entertainment.

Thanks for reading


Stickman's thoughts:

Sounds like you enjoyed yourself!

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