Stickman Readers' Submissions September 13th, 2008

The Golden Vagina

Mens, there I was standing between the biggest set of lips you've ever seen and the glare in my eyes was blinding me!? Looking straight ahead all I could see was a cave that seemed to go on forever, to the left a big lip, to the right a big lip, above me a big round pink protrusion that looked like a pink quivering appendage, below my feet some sort of slippery white goo, and behind me freedom but as I started running as fast as my feets would allow the suction was pulling me into the cave and I do not mind telling you the smell was terrible!? As the lips came closer and touched each of my shoulders it was like hands grabbing me and pulling me inside, and just then my feet slipped in the white goo and I fell backwards into the dark smelly cave.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hellllppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????

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Just when I thought I was a goner and darkness was closing in I heared this whistle noise and the pressure in my ears changed and then everything got very quiet, before all of a sudden a gust of the foulest smelly air you've ever had the displeasure of smell, came whooshing from the back of the cave propelling me end over end over end out through the lips and towards the light. The next thing I knows I am landing in a heap and the huge vagina is not in the distance and the lips are shaking violently as the gusts of wind from hell continue to be expelled. Mens, I did not stick around eh?? I rans and rans and rans.

That was my first and worsting experience with the Golden Vagina Mindsel and let me tell you it was al I needed to get the point. Let me tell you how this happened to yours truly Blackest Bart. I was in Phuket, and yes I was in a bar looking for married womens. From the corners of my eye I spy a really hi-so girl you just cannots believe without seeing. She is beautyfuls and has a body you die for. I move over towards her and verify the wedding ring on her finger before speaking to her, and long story very shortest we are back in my boat having lots of great sex. And when Blackest Bart says ?great sex?, Blackest Bart means GREAT SEX!?? Naturally I want this great sex to continue so I lets her stay overnight instead of kicking her out on the dock like alway happens before with other married womens.

Turns out she was getting divorced and leaving her old fat American husband already which should have been a warning sign. Did I listen to those bells going off?? Nope!? Every time I started to she takes me to the sex and I forgets all about it. Hours turn into days, days into weeks, and soon we are 3-4 months of really great sex later and Blackest Bart has broken all his own rules. It has to happen though, she must leave, so I finally tell her to leave my big boat and go on to her live. Mens, she goes fruitloops on your Blackest Bart!? She throwing things, screaming, calling police, and doing everything she can to ruin my day.

Then the piano drops. She tells me she will only leave my big boats if I buy her a condo, and the condo she wants is only 9.4 million baht!?? I am thinking where she gets this thoughts I need to buy her a condo to get her to leave my bigs boat?? It turns out she lived in America long enough to learn some things. It used to be that if it was your house, or apartment, or big boats.. you could just tell them to leave, set their bags outside the door, change the locks, and out they go. But not in America and I thinks not in Canada either. The dyke female lawyers and pussy whipped male lawyers have changed the laws to makes it hards to get rids of womens you no longer want!

Womens can even go to the court, lie and tell them you abused them, get a restraining order, and now YOU can not go back to YOUR own house!? The it goes to the courts and you end up paying for their new apartment, furniture, and so on. All this and they should be paying you back rent for all the free time you let them stay on your bigs boat ehWhat has the world comes to mens?

This gets me to thinking. Why is divorce so expensive ehBECAUSE ITS WORTH IT!? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!?? Ok, old jokes I know. But true eh?? We as men are always paying womens to leave. We pay the bargirls to leave and maybe this is the most economically type of girl to have!? Mens pay their ex-wives to go in the form of vaginamoney and child support and half of everything. Just to go away!? ?Now, even if the girl is just there for a few months she can go to court and make you pay her to leave!? Why is this?

I call this the Golden Vagina Mindset!? Womens are raised from birthing being teached that their vagina is special and all men want it, and to not give it to a mens unless he pays bigs money for it. You think I am yanking you willy eh?? I am not!? Today in the newspaper I see a 22 year old college graduate is auctioning off her virginity to the highest bidder at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada!? She expects to get a million dollars for her virgin pussy and the bids are already up to ? million!? Why does she think men want to pay a million dollars for her virgin pussy?? BECAUSE she, like most womens the world over, has been raised to believe their pussy is wanted by all mens and its true function (the pussy) in life is to make money for her!?? Her pussy is not to enjoy, it is not for sex, and it is not to put large vegetables, NO, it is there to produce income one way or the other. The gold mine for them is when they get a mens STUPID enough to make them pregnant and they push a new baby through there.. and gets you to pay for 21 years!

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Womens will never be equals to men if they keep using there pussy to make money and not their creativity, innovation, and intelligence. I am convincing that womens can only get away with this because there are enough shits for brains mens out there who cannots get laid to save their worthless lives so they go to any lengths to beg, steal, or borrow at the feet of white slippery goo of the Golden Vagina!?? Womens get used to stupid mens paying to use their pussy and that is that?s!

I will tell you how I got rids of the stupids Thai womens in Phuket. ??When the police came down to the docks at Yacht Haven Marina and called her out to talk to her I simply threw her crap on the dock, cast off, and headed for this private little cove on Ko Hi that I know about. This is a place where Aha Wendigo and Billy Bob TooLarge and even Korski have partied many times. I anchored about 100 meters from the beach, aimed my sat dish at K7 so I could watch the World Cups, took a nice fillet from the sub-zero for supper, and left my finally toned ass on Ko Hi for about a week and when I motored back into my slip at Yacht Haven Marina there was no sign of her. Imagine, wanting me to buy her a condo to get her to leave eh?

Mens, hears the deal. Womens think of their vagina as a type of 401k retirement account. The employer (you) can put it in until it's maxed out, they employee (her) can contribute? if she feels like it, but when they (her) change jobs they fully expect to take its full value with them as they move on. The part that really sucks is the government insures that 401k plan for the woman and will make the employer (you) pay in full. Each and every time you make a ?deposit? they mentally add this up as more that you'll own them in the event you fire her ass later on.

Blackest Bart knows that Thailand is different from the west, but womens have learned to adjust. Have you ever heard how even seasoned expats have the hells of a time getting a Thai womens to leave his apartment?? The Thai womens will yell, screams, call police, contact your work, or do anything to embarrassed, inconvenienced, or cost you money, ALL IN PUBLIC if they can, to get you to pay them off as they leave. Many men feel the only chance they have of getting away clean is to move to a new place across town while she is down the soi bonking Somchai, but often those men lose sleep looking over their shoulder expecting her to track him down and whack his willy unexpectededly!? This is no way to live!

If you have the money pay them and it will be worth it!? Then learn your lesson. DO NOT let a Thai womens move in with you no matter how good a ideal THEY make you think it is. Mens, why are you letting them move in when you alreadies no to not even give them your real phone number, place of employment, or any personal information!?? Do you miss your dear ol' MAMMYDo you need someone to cook for you, clean for you, and wash your dank underoos?? Hells whilsters, you can get a live in professional maid/cook for peanuts each month, you do not need a girlfriend? to do this things for you. Stop being afraids to live by yourselves you pussy whipped limp dicked mutants!? Thai women are four fun, they ARE NOT for living with in periods exceeding 72 hours!

I will share with you guys what Blackest Barts smartest friends do about womens and apartments. They have their own place in Bangkok or Phuket or Karibi they NEVER take anyone back to, and it is this place where they have the passport, expensive things, land telephone line, and all things important. Then, a good distance away they rent a simple and clean furnished one bedder, throws some beers in the fridge, dirty towels in the bath, and call it home. THIS IS WHERE they bring the girls. They get to test drive any serious contender for Ms. You (even though I advise against this many do not listens) in this place. See if she can cook, clean, bonk your brains out, and how she reacts when you do not come home for a week because you are partying on Ko Hi with your goodest friend Blackest Bart AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!? ??And mens, if it for whatevers reasons all falls apart as I am sure it will anyway, all the mens must do is walk out and go home, call the manager at this apartment and tell them to turn off the water and electricity because you'll be gone for a few weeks, and soon the girl with big ideas will give up and go home. Then, they change floors and apartments and a month later can use the place again. Some mens I know have 3-4 of these places set up around town to use as crash pads, lovely nests, or places to put out of town guests NOT IN THEIR PLACE. These utility apartments are very very handy, only cost baht 4000-5000 a month, and are wonderful insurance eh?

Mens, The Golden Vagina Mindset is alive and well and will always be something you need to accounts for. Womens are raised with a RIFD equipped price tag attached to their pussy and know exactly what their pussy is worth on the closed market, open market, or at any phase of the market. Remember, in Thailand there are no refunds or exchanges!? You either live with it, give it away, or throw it out and get a new one. They take classes at college learning how to maximize the earning power of their pussy. Their pussy is their best friend and you're worst enemy!?? Ever here the saying ?Keep your friends close but your enemies closerDo you know what they were talking about?? PUSSY!? Keep that pussy close mens, know what its up to all the time!

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