How my Fairy Tale Went Wrong – Part 2
On 30/5/2008 the first part of my story was published. This is a story of a 29 year old guy looking for true love in Thailand and wanting to move there for many years to come.
I found my “sweat Barbie Doll” online through a website. I was in touch with her for 5 months before I finally went over to meet her. There were several red flags just before leaving and when I was there. I was willing to ignore them and give it a go. I got so deep into everything – curious to find out the true story about it all. The total ending only occurred for me 2 weeks ago when I got a more complete story. Just because you catch someone in a lie and they cry and ask for forgiveness doesn’t mean they will be honest and faithful from that moment on. This is just one of the lessons I have learnt. I am writing this for closure and to give some tips and insight into a master liar’s world of deception. I hope you learn from it and keep your eyes wide open. (I know it’s almost impossible when you think you’ve met your “dream girl”.)
Barbie Doll is a cute young (21) Thai girl from I-ssan. She is very light skinned and has an extremely addictive smile and playful manner which makes guys fall for her in droves. I was the “lucky” first farang to meet her online and was willing to teach her English which I did. I thought I had an advantage in being willing to put up with her limited English, teach her and have her all to myself. My idea of a Thai village girl was very different from reality. I assumed she would be shy, honest and faithful since she wasn’t a bar girl and I was the first farang she had spoken to and met. How funny that seems now. You see, Thai girls are individuals just like anywhere else. There are good people and bad people just like anywhere else. Village girl doesn’t equal “high values”, “hard working” and faithful to their husband.
A Bangkok girl doesn’t equal the opposite either. So I refuse to listen to stereotype comments about “Thai girls” in the same way comments about western girls can be equally wrong. One thing for sure is a lot of Thai girls are incredibly cute and easy to fall in love with. And that is perhaps the most important fact here. Because once you start to fall in love or want to fall in love with a girl you suddenly go blind to what really is there.
I have often thought about this process of falling in love and going blind. My reasoning is in order to live with someone and be in love with them it is important to be able to ignore “imperfections” since we all have them and would never get along at all if we couldn’t overlook most of them. So the problem isn’t falling in love. It’s falling in love with the wrong person or falling in love before you really know that person.
Some guys get lucky and find a good girl, fall in love and have a real chance at success. A lot of other guys fall in love before getting to know them intimately not just through speaking to them but getting to know her friends and family. I would never tolerate a friend of mine hurting others or deceiving others and I assume others feel the same. How wrong I was.
I’ll break down the red flags (that I ignored) and then I’ll break down the lies. I wouldn’t have been able to get to the truth just by speaking to her. I got in touch with her ex-bf, his wife and his sister. And also getting a few half truths from Barbie Doll herself. You could say I “investigated” her while trying to help her. The more I found out the less I wanted to help her until I utterly despised her which only today turned into pity of such a pathetic being that she really is.
The Red Flags:
- She went to visit her “school friends” in Bangkok the week before I arrived. That’s fine but her availability and willingness to make time to talk on the phone that week before departure was strange.
- When I was finally in Thailand she seemed too quiet and shy for too long a time. When we had sex that was too robotic and not “laced with love” from her side.
- She seemed to “deliver” me to her parents too quickly (on the second day).
- I did not meet any of her close friends.
- She received phone calls in the morning (while in bed with me) from “a friend” with a male voice which I heard on the 2nd or 3rd day to be told it was her friend (girl) which it wasn’t.
- She said she doesn’t like to kiss much.
- She said she doesn’t like sex much (before meeting her).
- She said she likes sex to finish fast.
- She ignored me when various family introduced themselves to me (I don’t speak much Thai).
- She refused to speak to me when I wanted to ask her some questions.
- When I asked if she wants to finish with me her reply was “up to you”.
- I did not feel real love from her even though I heard the words a lot before arriving and a few times while I was there.
- She is generally rude with bad manners including throwing rubbish out a moving car.
- If she doesn’t want to speak she just flat out refuses to speak or resolve a problem with communication.
All these occurred and more within that 1 week I was in Thailand with her. <I would suggest that a number of the listed points are not necessarily red flags that she is up to no good, but more cultural differences – Stick>
After I left I put the pieces together and came up with a half complete story:
Her family wanted her to marry a farang but she didn’t really want that and therefore couldn’t really love me. She had a Thai boyfriend she wasn’t allowed to have. She would marry me for the sake of her family. She liked me but with the above factors in place it could never work until these points were resolved.
I let her go and didn’t speak to her for about 3 months. Her cousin got in contact with me for her since she had no more internet access or phone (her parents took her phone away from her for speaking to that Thai guy. In truth I still loved her because I had a story in my mind that once she was free of the above she could love me really. So I agreed to meet her again after “she found out the Thai guy was married” and had finished with him.
After this point I started up the relationship again earlier this year. But again I wasn’t feeling real love from her. It still felt like she wanted me for reasons other than love. I kept speaking to her as I wanted to help her get her own freedom in her life. She finally told me she wants to study and wanted to get her parents' permission. She wanted to marry me after she completed her study she told me. She needed my help to agree she should be allowed to study and I would help her pay for her study once I arrived in Thailand. Her parents wanted to know if I would help her pay. They agreed.
They thought she would do something similar and find another guy or get in contact with that other guy again. I started to get the same idea too. By this time I realized I need to find another girl to meet and I found the one and started an online relationship with her. I spoke to Barbie Doll about once a week as she made herself “busy” with study. I kept communication going mainly to make sure she was ok and was allowed to study but knew her feelings for me were not real and mixed up. I knew she sought independence from her family and would get up to mischief. I thought study was her best bet since she didn’t really want to marry a farang and I wanted her to be able to make her own life.
I still cared about her but have no plan to meet her again. I had another girl which seems far far more promising.
One day Barbie Doll told me she wants to speak to me much more (change in heart perhaps I thought at the time). It was too late but I wanted to see where she wanted to go with that. She told me she loved me so much and missed me so much and she would go home (on the weekend) to see her family which was normal. Her sudden “show of affection” was not normal however. I didn’t hear from her for about 1 week and started to worry her parents stopped her from studying. I went into her MSN which I had known for a long time to see if she was around or active. She wasn’t around but suddenly there were many messages from one Thai guy I thought must be a friend of hers. I translated the messages as best I could and started to figure out if it was her ex-boyfriend who was married. I thought, hmmm, he’s trying to get in contact with her again after many months and I seriously doubted if she was around she would want that after “his lies” from the past.
I was going to leave it at that and try to call her on her sister's phone but didn’t want to worry her family so just gave her a couple more days to “appear”. I decided to chat to this Thai guy and set him straight. As far as he was concerned “she was with me”. So I took a gamble that he knew some English and started chatting to him. He spoke very little English so after a few minutes I got help from my Thai friend to translate for him.
He told me: He had finished with his wife “a long time ago” and loved Barbie Doll so much and wanted to marry her. I thought… Good! I would like to help him do that which means I didn’t need to worry about her anymore and the only reason she stopped talking to him was that he was married. And I assumed the only reason he married another girl was because he couldn’t have her. But I was prepared to help them even if it took 1 year to convince her parents she should be allowed to marry the guy she loves.
That’s was the plan based on my existing knowledge of the whole story. So I told him I want to help him. He didn’t believe me but I convinced him I wanted to help him marry her and he shouldn’t give up so easily. Then the BOMB SHELL HIT!!!
He had been with her just 5 days before. He came back from Bangkok for a funeral and got in contact with her and met up with her. They stayed together and slept together for a couple of days (this from a girl that told me she finished with him, he was married, and she loved me and wanted to marry me). I was shocked. I thought ok fine I will still help them. Maybe he explained everything to her and they agreed to try again. I thought, well, now that she “cheated on me” with him again she will never speak to me again. How wrong I was…
The following day she sent me an offline message asking for help with her homework. The day after she came online. I casually told her I went looking for her because I worried about her and saw some messages from “Thai guy’s name” I asked who he was as if I didn’t know already. She just said ex bf and finished with him a long time ago. I then started to tell her it’s ok to tell me about him I want to help her marry him. She flat out refused to have anything to do with him again. Sure enough she told him after their fling that it was impossible between them and she wants to marry me. I told her I know that she met him and slept with him. She continually told me he’s lying “he a lie me” and persisted for 30 minutes denying it until I got all the juicy details from him through my friend down to the last detail of her having her period on the last night they spent together. She finally admitted it and tried to brush it off as a mistake and “last time” and persisted she didn’t want anything to do with him again. She called him and told him to get lost and she wants to marry me and he was to stop talking to me. I kept trying to tell her it’s ok I will help them and I will be happy for her. She told me things like he is still married (so why did she sleep with him again?) And over the next few days called him and told him to “f*** off) in an effort to show me she doesn’t want him anymore. Well I continued to dig for answers about the past and the relationship with him. During this several day period his wife added me in MSN after doing her own “investigation” into him in his own MSN and seeing my name. Her English was quite good (better than Barbie Doll’s) and I was then able to make a break through in the “investigation”. How do I know his wife would tell me the truth?
A few reasons. She still loved him and wanted him and therefore she would want me to have Barbie Doll so she could have her husband (anyone wanting to make a soap opera out of this please send me some royalties). But the wife wanted to be honest with me and also find out more of the latest story. One night I didn’t have my friend to translate between me and the Thai bf so his wife translated for us without him knowing. She really got the story then and that night stopped loving him. He repeatedly told me through his wife’s translation that he loved Barbie Doll so much and has only her… lie lie lie. I can imagine how hurtful this was to his wife translating but she wanted to know everything and I think is what was required for her to let go of this cheating lying A*** Hole. Well then his sister wanted to speak to me too and warn me about Barbie Doll. They wanted to help me and make sure I didn’t marry her even though you would think they would help their own brother and husband. They were revealing all about him and Barbie Doll. Answers I could never get from Barbie Doll herself no matter how hard I tried. She is a master liar but eventually had to admit to the truth of it all with indifference in the end. I confronted her with each accusation giving her a chance to defend herself against these “eyewitnesses”.
Here are her lies and the truth revealed:
- She said she didn’t know he was married. Truth is he told her shortly after but she didn’t care. She “wanted him” and even called his wife to demand she give him to her. She would call him while he was in bed with his wife just to let the wife know she was calling him on a regular basis.
- She told me she only met him for dinner 1 time in Bangkok the week before I arrived. The true is she stayed with him that week before my arrival. His wife found her skirt in her room. The wife was visiting family. No doubt Barbie Doll left it there on purpose.
- Barbie Doll told me after I left she met him and went shopping for a few hours and then returned home to her village without sleeping with him. Truth is she stayed with him for 2 months against her parents wishes and they finally put enough pressure on his family to pull her back and then take away her phone and then contacted me again earlier this year.
- She told me her family said she can have anyone she chooses Thai or farang. But when I told her cousin about recently seeing that guy again they went crazy at her. Also when I told them about her new bf at school they threatened her to stop her study. (yes she has a new Thai bf within 2 days of me telling her never to speak to me again – she put the photos up on her hi5)
- She said she chooses me by her own choice. However the evidence of pressure from her family to marry me is very … evident.
- She recently told me that she will have to stop study if I don’t help pay for it. Truth is she just wanted to get 3000-4000 baht from me every month coz she knows I care about her study.
- She told me she wants to die because we finished. Truth is she has a new bf after 2 days and probably had more over the past few months.
- Her married Thai bf has cheated on his wife with about 20 girls before and she knew it.
Summary: She cheated on me several times, lied to me about most things, tried to steal money from me with her lies, and owes me about 87,000 baht for all the time and money I spent getting to Thailand paying for phone, internet etc during that initial period of deception.
So there you have it. This is the real Barbie Doll. A real piece of work right up there with the lies and deception of a bar girl. I recommended that profession to her on one of the last chats I had before I deleted her. Who knows… she might go down that path soon enough. She has the right character. Who knows, some of you guys might be seeing her real soon. Watch out for that million dollar smile, the cute little Thai dance and playful manner. And all those lovely lies… all yours for the taking.
Some things I learned:
- Just because you are honest doesn’t make you immune to others dishonesty.
- When a Thai girl says” I loved you and miss you so much”, if she cant back that up with overwhelming evidence then it’s not true.
- Just because a Thai girl speaks to you everyday doesn’t mean she’s not speaking to someone else.
- Don’t spend more than 2-3 months getting to know someone online before meeting them. Everything can change.
- Your “dream girl” is most likely just a dream until you meet her.
- Feel free to fall in love, it’s inevitable. Just be ready to fall out of love.
- Sex will not turn that “shy and quiet” girl into a loving gf. If she’s quiet and holding back she’s got something to hide.
- Sex with a girl that’s “not that into you” is not very satisfying. Just because she sleeps with you doesn’t mean she loves you.
- Don’t spend all your time and energy into teaching a girl English and expect any kind of payment or guarantee of success.
- Interact with the girl, her friends and family before you decide to love her and take it to the next level. Only time with her will tell you her true character. And if you are blinded by love it may take you months to figure her out. And maybe even then you will put up with her like so many guys with bar like girls.
- Stay away from a girl who is being influenced by her family to find a farang. She has very little will power and responsibility for her own actions. Thus lies and deception come easy to her.
- If she’s young and cute chances are she acts just like 90% of other young and cute girls the world over. She’ll have plenty of interest from other guys and will be tagging several along at the same time and can choose whoever she wants. So you better be up to her standard and have more than just money. Better yet. Let her think you are not very well off.
- Don’t spend $1000 on phone/internet etc over 5-6 months and expect that money to come back to you some how. She has no obligation to you for any amount you spend on her. You can’t buy her love and as soon as you try you lose any respect from her. She’ll smile and take it and be happy but you just went to the zero respect pile. Only after you are sure about each other would you support her in anyway.
- Be yourself, have fun and don’t count on anything.
- Choose with your bigger head and get agreement from your little head too only after the big head has had time to decide and vote.
I know most guys will go ahead and make these same mistakes even after they are told. I expect it. Just hope you keep these in mind and keep your eyes open. And use a condom. You don’t know where her or her Thai bf have been recently even if you think she is a virgin or an almost virgin.
I simply cannot understand why you stuck around and tried to meddle after things went south. Why not just walk away? If I could give one piece of advice t younger guys in relationships in general it would be that when the other party does something substantially bad to just walk away. Don't try and resurrect it…
I also cannot understand why you chose to get involved in the affairs of others in a country with a culture you really appear to struggle to understand. All that online chat bullshit really didn't concern you and the idea that a Westerner can bring together two Thais from the sticks is quite laughable.
You want to know what I think the biggest mistake was? Going for a 21 year old country girl! They're still young and don't know what they want at that age.