Readers' Submissions

Clinically Fornicating

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 20th, 2008
  • 10 min read



What funs we had mens! I just returned from Krung Threp where I met up with my bestest friend Aha Wendigo and my other guy Professer Korski. Sometimes I do not know how I get roped into Aha's worstest plans. Maybe because on some levels I no that every time I take a night out with that crazy Samoan it will be a night to remember, but not the kind of night you want to share with yer deer old mammy if you know what I mean.. HAHAHAHHAAHAHA! So when the big guy calls me up (using the mobile phone eh?) and says he needs help surveying sex and we are going to Soi Cowboy to do this work and that Professer Korski is going to help.. OF COURSE I will go! Some say that can not but help to watch a train wreck, they can not take there eyes off it happening. This is the same thing when you put the big crazy Samoan in the same area with a ton of pretty girls with sex on the menu eh?

Firstest let me chat you up about what started this. Some dickhead Professer did another study. Did I not tell yer before that all big university professers as gay as a pink balloon? So noing this you must start to no where they are coming to. Does it surprise any of you mens that mens after having a great time in Thailand with the ladies return to their home countrys all they can think about is sex? We needed a study for this? Blackest Bart thinks we had yet another Professer without anything to do trying to justify his pay-check!

Blackest Bart will tell you what is happening hear eh? I will keep it very simple so even western womens can understands. Western men who have had to put up with the native shrews and huns in their country, who have had to beg for sex with wrinkled old prunes, and who have had the feminazi courts strip them of everything they own when one of these shrews decides to move on (probably to a lesbean partner), gets on a plane to Thailand hoping like hell that the magic beans really do grow giant beanstalks! What the hell am I talking about magic beans? It's a metawhore yer morans! These men have been told that 25 year old hot and toned beauties are waiting for them in Bangkok to bonk their brains out and to the first timers this sounds like a fairy tail like Jock and the Beantalk. They just will not believe it. So they goes to the doc and get a bottle of magic beans that is supposed to make their stalk grow long and hard. With the magic beans rattling around in there pockets they get on the areoplane thinking their is no way in hell this fairy tail will come true!

But we know their really is a giant beantalk in Bangkok, and if you climb it you will find the ugly giant and the golden vagina waiting for you. These mens gets off the plane, hopps in a taxi to the mothership, and a few hours later are sitting their fat asses in Rainbow 5 gazing at 25 year old hot and toned beauties and they now believe in fairy tails. You cans always tells the knew ones. They can not take their eyes off the ladies, they are popping those blue magic beans in large amounts, and the first few times it does not matter to them if they pay 2000 baht or 20,000 baht. All they want to do is see the Golden Vagina and risk meeting the ugly giant. The first times is always the most funs eh? Nothing like Disneyland East and Mr. Toad's Wild Riders on your first trip.

Soes, the mens climb that giant beantalk every ngiht in Bangkok, collect the Golden Vagina, and risk their lives with the ugly giant. They halfs the best times of their lifes and for most of them this is the first times they have had a real women. In fact, they know no that western womens are not really womens at all. They are shrew bitches from hell and any mens who has climbed the giant beantalk and partaked in the Golden Vagina, will NEVER AGAIN TOUCH WESTERN PUSSY!!! They no better eh? We all does.

They get back to farangland and the shrews realizes they have lost their powers over these mens. These mens tell other mens that there really is a giant beantalk and which doctor sells the magic beans. Word gets around that there are REAL WOMENS in Thailand, the kind of womens that most men have only dreamed about, or learned about during solemn meetings with older mens as the secrets of the Golden Vagina get passed down from generation to generations. The shrews not noing what to do, but noing they mustest do something, well they collect their fat asses in there university offices and government buildings and try to get their powers back. They no they don't have a Golden Vagina, not the solid baht gold vaginas we have learned are in Thailand. All they have is golden electroplated supersize vaginas that are way past their "best used by" date and smell as rotten as old cabbage in a leaky kimchee pot! The mens can know see were the electroplating has worn through and under the plating they can see the crusty old wrinkled and smelly orfice and they still can not believes they once did anything to jump in their. The mens tells everyone, and the shrews decide they must be mentally irregular and sick sick sick soes they label them SEX ADDICTS!!! This is hows it starts mens.

Now that mens are labeled in such a negative way the shrews can use their labels to make men feel bad. They publish "studies" telling everyone hows these mens are sick and damaged goods, they find reasons to take away their jobs, kids, anything that means important to them. The shrews start exacting there revenge and trying to reclaim their electroplated fake golden vaginaes threw fear and intimidations. This is where your Blackest Bart, Aha, and that wild Professer guy Korski come in. Let me tells you about it.

This is very much like a political campaign where everyone attacks each other and trys to gain public opinion to their cause. IN this case the mens who have been to Thailand want all their countrysmen to no about the magic beanstalk. They want to save their fellow mens from the shrews with the rotten old vaginas and nothing must stand in their way! So they hired Blackest Bart, Aha, and Korski to do our own research and tells the truth about the beantalk and the REAL Golden Vaginas. How cans we say know to this? Of course we can not!

So the research phase begins and we are sitting in the Toy bar making our plans and getting our backs rubbed at the same time. The Toys bar is a place where you can get everthing rubbed if you know what I mean HAHAHAHAHHAHA! But we are on a missions from God so we are good tonight. That is until Aha unrolls his tongue and it drops on the bar with a big THUD and all the girls stop and stare. I am nudging him in the ribs which are really hard to find threw all the muscle as this somoans is a big boy eh? But its to late and the girls have all stopped taking care of the other customers and are now standing around Aha staring at this tongue that you'd normally only find on Ahabs Camel. By now it is to late to hide it, so he shows the hot and toned beautys how his tongue works. I crap you not, he can wrap that tongue all the way past his nose and lick his eyebrows and when he does the girls are frozen in place unable to do anything but stare. Aha is a lot like a dog when it comes to his tongue. Do you know why dogs lick their balls? Yep, because they can, and this is exactly where Aha is at the moment. I will not tell you all the details, but it is enough to say the girls learned the secret of Aha's magic beantalk over the next hour or so.

Professer Korksi had his slide ruler out trying to document the dimensions but had to settle for his Craftsman 16 foot tape instead. He furiously took notes, measured, and interviewed the girls who climbed the magic beantalk about their experiences. Blackest Bart has seen it all before and once I heard that thud I quickly reached out to the prettiest girl at the Toy bar who was rubbing me whien this happened, and I put a blindfold over her eyes and told her I wanted her to work by feel for a while. So while the rest of the customers had to play with themselves because Aha and Professer Korski where keeping all the other ladies busy, yours truly sat back in the corner booth with his blindfolded hot and toned beauty and watched the goings ons with one eye, while keeping the other on this young ladies baht gold vagina.

It was right then that this young lady decided to climb my magic beantalk and I do not remember much more about that night other than Aha and Korski were still doing their sexy survey, taking notes, and interviewing authentic golden vaginas. I did not no that during all this Korski was video taping the entire episode in the name or research. At least I did not no until I saw yours truly on TMZ.COM and that someone was selling our sex tape right here next to that little midgets sex tape! It appears the feminazi's broke into Korski's room at the mothership and stole his research materials! Now they were trying to embarrass and discredit us by putting the nights research on the internet. This is where they went wrong.

Why did not we thinks of this? We should have video taped the magic beantalk, the ugly giant, the magic beans, and the Golden Vagina's and put them on the internet themselves. As million after million of mens used to western shrews clicked on out sexy videos' they saw scenes like Aha's tongue dancing across the flat stomach of one hot and toned beauty, and between the cheeks of another. Then there I was flashing my beantalk with my own hot and toned beauty climbing the beantalk as fast as she could. In the background you could see Korski measuring beantalks and golden vaginas and keeping notes, very impressive!

Now that the millions of western men saw the fairy tail was indeed true they wanted to know why. They now no that these mens are not sex addicts! Instead they no that what is really happening is that we are simply doing what comes natural to anyone finding a golden vagina. We are letting hot and toned beautys climb our beantalks, enjoying their golden vaginas, and fornicating like crazy. The western shrews were not happy though, they decided to make the govt take a stand and this is where Professer Korski comes in.

Using all his research materials, including the videos, he gets busy and makes graphs and visual displays and writes some papers and documents everything! He works on this for several days and nights and then finally hits the 'send' button to the university. The next morning we read the headlines "Western Men who Visit Thailand are not Sex Addicts, they are just Clinically Fornicating!" I will not bore you with the details mens.. but thanks to Professer Korksi the world now noes that it's perfectly natural for men to Clinically Fornicate. And that men would rather fornicate with real Golden Vaginas.. and not old cabbage smelling electroplated supersize vaginas. Like I said mens, we really did not need a study to know these truths. It is only common senses.

Stickman's thoughts:

Hmmm.