Readers' Submissions

Why Marry?

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 23rd, 2008
  • 12 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


Mens, today I must be serious. Let me say I am humbley sorry in advance of my serious thoughts. Today I want to talk about the greatest socialist fraud of all times. Any whorse by the same name we call MARRIAGE!!! We have all been lead down the primose path of external happiness, being told that marriage will bring us salivation and forevers happyness. I say bullocks! I say Roger Rabbit has a better chance of jumping off your TV screen and into your living room. I will explaination.

Haven’t not we all been told since we were little kippers that we should grow “up” and becomes marry’d mens? Then we will be happy and live a long time. HHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! First I will tell you why this would never work for real mens like Blackest Bart, Aha, and Billy Bob Toolarge, and then I will tell you why it will never work for ordinary mens.

Real mens are like butter. We like to fly from butter stick to butter stick and try them all. Did you guys read “My Fxxxed Up Story” written by the pathetically misguided and loser The Dutchman? Here is a 23 year old boy with a broken heart and not much upstairs eh? First let me say to The Dutchmen that ifs you are going to write to a lot of people about your spoiled milk, the least you can do is learn to spell and do english properly! It is spelled FUCKED, not Fxxxed! And while the story is hilarious it is not fucked up. Instead lad, you are fucked up and I am going to use you as a example of why mens your age should not marry. Ok with you eh?

I will get to the meet. 23 years old and you probably would have ended up marrying this barsgirl/whore. Yes, I know you didn’t tell us she was a whore, but we can reach between the lines maybe better than you could reach real life. This girl maybe did care about you more than you know. Why? Because she knew you were too good, albeit appropriately stupid enough, to marry a girl like her. She let you go in her way because she cared about you. But that is not the real point, I just tend to get digressed a lot when presented with such a pathetic story such as yours. Me reading a story like yours is like a giving a Irish man yet ‘one more’ whisky. HAHAHAHAHA!

The point sir! Yes, to the point. Mens are like butter. We like to go from stick of butter to stick of butter. ALL THE DAMM BUTTER WE CAN GO TO! Men are man whorse. ALL men. Any man who tells you he does not want to sleep with as many women as possible is not a man, he would be a homo. At 23 you want to stay stuck in just one butter stick??? Really? For the rest of your natural life, from the time you are 23, only this one girl? This is what is expected from your socialist when you marry. For the rest of your life, you will only sleep with this one bitch. Oh, you say she is not a bitch? Perhaps not at the moment, but I guarandamnT you she will be one very shortly into your “rest of natural life!” Her young looks and shaply body will most likely not make it to age 28. By 35 the metawhorsis from young and nubile girl, to Shamu the Bitchy Whale will become complete. By 40 her vagina will have filled itself in and be no more. By 50 she will have grown a penis bigger than yours, but that’s ok because your boobs will probably be bigger than hers. If some bloke would have told me at 23 “you can only sleep with this one girl for the rest of your life” I would have known I was in hell!

I say we should use marriage instead of the death penalty. Some 23 year old guy commits murder and socialist want him to pay the highest price for his sins. Sure, we could gas and bury him. OR, we could make him marry an average 23 year old american woman for LIFE WITH NO POSSIBILITY OF DIVORCE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And the “grown up” Dutchman was willing to do this voluntarily! Hell, we would have ex-cons banging on the gates of execution centers with their fat 30 year old american wife in tow begging to be executed. They would say “Have mercy! Look at this woman! She is four times her healthy weight and she never closes her mouth! Please kill me now?” Yes, make murderers marry american women instead of execution. For multiple murders, make it british womens eh? AHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!

Seriously, can any real man even begin to imagine being with only one womens for the rest of his life? This is just a start.. Paul McCartney had to pay his gimp of a wife 45 MILLION DOLLARS to make her go way. It was reported this week that Phil Collins had to pay 47 MILLION DOLLARS to make his go away. Mens, I don’t mind paying a womens way when she is with me, fucking me, cooking for me, cleaning my houses and boats, and so on. But I do mind having to pay them when once they are gone. Most men will end up paying VAGINAMONY for years, if not forever. Often, vaginamony and child support payments are more than half what a man makes. And for what? For being made to sleep with the same woman ‘forever’, for not having the fun of meeting new women, for having to listen to all her yapping for years???

Mens, I challenge ye. Tell me one thing you cannot do when not married, that you can do when married? Careful with your answers eh? One moron told me “tax breaks” which told me he married his wife for tax reasons which is ok if you are a professional mens whorse, but real men do not need to marry to save a few Canadian dollars on their taxes. Think about this carefully, and unless you’re a 70+ year old loser who needs to get his bargirl wife a visa, tell me one single good reason to get married? There is no legal thing your solicitor could not do by way of legal documents, you can have kids (do not know why you would want to), you can live together (don’t you guys ever learn?), you can do anything you want with that woman without marrying her. Can not you “love her truly and deeply forever” without a marriage document?

The Marriage Booty Myth: I have listened to mens tell me they want to get marry’d so they can have regular pussy. Reaaaallly? Have not these mens listened to every other married mens tell them what happens once the marriage contract is signed? Let me explaination to you once more. When womens are “auditioning” for the part of Ms. You, they have the best personalities, every thing you do is fine with them, they love your comfortable clothes, they appear to love sex ALL the time, they cook and clean, and even swallow! But.. but.. Once the contract is signed and the words “I do” are muttered, EVERYTHING CHANGES!!!

The first thing that changes with the new Ms. You, is that she thinks she can change you. Certain (or maybe all) friends are no longer “good for you”, your old clothes get threw away, maybe she goes with you to your barber and tells him how SHE likes your hair eh? Then your house. Nothing is good enough or “right” enough any more. Her car which was always fine before you got married now is unsafe and falling apart and needs immediate replacement. Thats ok though, YOU are loaded with cash right? All while this is happening she’s using access to the Golden Vagina and her moods to control you. Hey, if you want to keep that comfortable Ez-boy recliner chair and not buy the new leather Italian one she likes, fine. She will pout and access to the Golden Vagina will be restricted and she will make you beg like a soi dog to get access again. She knows she has you over a barrel, after all her audition is over and she has the part, she is now in control and you are the sucker who married her. Get used to things like this, this is marry’d life eh?

If you were dating a woman like this you’d go “NEXT” and the next lady auditioning for the part enters stage right. You keep auditioning women until one smart enough to play the game better than you comes on stage, and makes YOU think YOU want to get marry’d!!! Mens, can not you see the wide elephant in the room? The womens smart enough to make you think getting marry’d was YOUR idea.. is the very dangerous one. She just proved she is more smart than you and she will use these smarts to make your life hell until she gets everything she wants. What does she want? Complete and total control over every decision you make! Oh, and she will no longer love sex, give blow jobs much less swallow, and now that she has the part as Ms. You she no longer must care about her looks. She already has that marriage contract in hand and you must do what she wants or else!

Or else? Yes, if you don’t do what she wants she will get a lawyer and take everything you currently own which is bad, but she will also take what you have not even earned yet! She might get 50% of the profits of the business you had before she met you, that only you worked for, and now will continue to get 50% of those profits from the business FOREVER while meanwhile you work your ass off to make those profits while she does what she’s always done concerning the business. Nothing! The business is property. On top of the property settlement there is the VAGINAMONY payment. IF you were stupid enough to have kids with such a woman (probably because she pouted and locked up the Golden Vagina until you agreed) she will also get child support. Laddy’s, you know will be able to keep less than 50% of what you earn AFTER the government takes its 50% before hand in taxes.

Mens have told me womens don’t think like this. Stupid mens. Of course they do. They know their rights and that the courts will support them and give them everything if the marriage does not go the way SHE wants. True love? Do not make your Blackest Bart barf yet again!

What is a marriage document? Have you ever seen the legal documents to incorporate? Exactly like marriage. Both are contracts that say you will stay “together’ and that you will “share assets.” It is a marriage CONTRACT. Your province, territory, or state, will use this CONTRACT to make you give this woman you no longer want, probably because she has gained huge amounts of weight and become super bitch, half of everything you own. And more. More? Yes. As much as 60% of everything you will earn in the FUTURE! This is worse than the gift that keeps on giving. This is the gift that keeps on taking!

The marriage contracts and laws are heavily in the womens favor, men usually make more money than women (because we are stronger and smarter), mens age much better than womens, and more. So what possible reasons could a rational and intelligent man have for getting married eh? And let us be honesty ok? Let us say you are now 45 years old and have gotten used to fucking 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s. You meat a nice 25 year old hot and toned beauty with a lot going for her and you start thinking about marrying this whorse. Ok. Think deepely. (we covered this before, but one more time eh?) In ten years when you are 55 will you be just as happy fucking your now 35 year old not so hot, not so trim, and not so beautiful wife, after ten years of sex with the same woman? OR OR OR will you still want the same 25 year old hot and toned beautys you’ve enjoyed for years before meeting this “special womens” who has made you lose your reality and has dragged you by your shaven short and curly’s through shere telekinesiss alone.. ??????? This of course was a rhetorically amusing questions eh? We already know the real answers. The real questions is do you also know the answers, or are you just ignoring them?

So my good mens. When I see fucked up emissions like the one from “The Dutchman” and countless others.. these are the thoughts that run through my head. Why are not these thoughts running threw your head two eh? eh? eh? Blackest Bart wants to know why.. Hey, you do not must believe your Blackest Bart. Instead, you can believe Paul McCartney and Phil Collins. They paid out 50 million each. Divide that by the number of months marry’d and you are talking $500,000 per year? Those fools could have had 2-3 of the best and youngest call girls as much as they wanted, new ones all the time, the best sex, any kind of sex, anything they wanted and as much of it.. for a tiny fraction of this amount. They paid this 50 million for the dubious privilege of being stuck with the same manipulating, aging, growing fats, bitch with a golden vagina? What were they thinking??? Blackest Bart knows you do not have 50 million, but the same applies to what you do have. They will take it. Listens men, in to days world, there is no reason a MAN would want to get married. Think about it.

Stickman's thoughts:

Published because the readership berate me when I try to kill off these two. Don't say I am not democratic…