Pussy Hunting in Thailand 7

Do you remember the 4-F’s from when you was a young teenager? Maybe you don’t or maybe you just didn’t get into sex when you were that young. Some of you guys writing in to Stick about Bart and me seem to be more than a little retarded so you probably didn’t start your sex life that early either. You don’t like what we write. That’s real funny because we are only writing about the losers who come over here. Some of the letters to Stick talk about how disrespectful we are to you guys. Has it not occurred to you that you are the ones who are disrespecting Thailand and Thai women? You come over here on a mission. You spend your time with whores and then you call us wrong? Only a loser would not see the irony in this. Are you still a loser? Of course you are or you would read what we say carefully and maybe take some good advice from it. So if this is you maybe you need to keep reading. You might learning something eh?

The 4-F’s were Find ‘em, Finger ‘em, Fuck ‘em, Ferget ‘em. If only it was that easy these days eh? It’s not. So forget your childhood fantasies and listen up to your good buddys Aha and Bart. We are here to explain you how to have the best sex possible. You don’t need to have fully developed oiled muscles like we do. You don’t need six pack abs like we do. You don’t have to be as good looking or rich as us either. Hell! You don’t even need to be all that well groomed. Womens do like a man who looks a bit dangerous and maybe a bit nasty. Why do you think all the bad guys get the best womens? It’s true! You don’t have to treat them real bad. Just show them they are not as important to you as they would like to be. They will fall over themselves trying to match up to You! Don’t let them try to make you match up to their standards. That’s a loser game.

My good buddy Bart is today telling you about the perfect woman. Me I want to talk about what to do with one when you get lucky and find one. So listen up and maybe you will learn how to take control of your life instead of letting some little bitch with a sweet pussy lead you by the nose.

The first thing you do when you meet a woman is shut up and listen to her. This will be the first and last time you do this. Why? Because you want to find out if she is suitable for you. You listen real good now because it will not take her long to reveal her personality. The only thing you have to do is ask leading questions and let her answer them. The more she talks the more you will learn. This technique has two benefits. One Aha has already told you. The second is that she will think you are such a wonderful man because you listen to her. You know that womens love the sound of their own voice. If they didn’t they wouldn’t talk so much. They like also to tell you what they want you to do. So listen real careful and make a note mentally about things they tell you. Maybe some of you aren’t smart enough to remember everything so casually pull out a pad and pen and make notes if you like. She will think you are real smart when you do that eh?

While she is talking she will tell you what she wants in her ‘perfect man’. HA HA HA AHA! These women! They are real funny eh? They grow up with this vision in their heads about the kind of guy they want to marry. They learn all this shit from women’s magazines, Oprah, and their stupid girlfriends. It’s all bullshit! There is no perfect man just as there is no perfect woman. Doesn’t mean you can not find one that is pretty good though. You just have to sort the conch from the shell as we say in Samoa.

So what do you look for in a woman? Here is some good advices our good buddy radio talk show host Tom Leykis came up with recently.

Ladies, here are 8 words for a successful relationship: Stay thin, long hair, sex anytime, shut the fuck up

You think about this. Is not this exactly what every man wants? Sure you do. Who needs a fat, ugly uber butch old bitch who don’t put out? It’s like Groucho Marx used to say. “Women are like elephants. They are nice to look at but you wouldn’t want one around the house!”

He was wrong of course. We do want one around the house. We just don’t want the goddam elephant woman.

When you are finished listening a woman on your first date just take her home without any comment. If she puts out for you right away then you gonna need to set some ground rules immediately before you jump in the sack. So you gotta tell her that you don’t put up with no bullshit.

No bullshit jealousy: Tell her she don’t own you. It’s nice that you like each other but if she gets jealous about anything or anyone it’s the door for her for sure. No second chances. The moment she starts whining about maybe you are seeing other womens all you do is open the door and kick her out. I read on Stickman one smart guy Marc Holt in this town did that. Him and his woman was getting along real fine on the first few dates. Then she could not help herself. She had to wonder out loud if he was seeing other women as well. That’s when he told her he would tolerate no jealousy like that and if she did the relationship was over. Worked like a charm he said. Then a few weeks later she tried it again just after they had been bonking madly all over the place. Instead of concentrating on what was important she had been thinking that maybe someone else had been there too. He didn’t hesitate. He threw her clothes at her, walked to the door and said OUT!

HA! She caved in and promised never to do it again. That’s what you got to do too. Draw the line and make sure she knows where it is.

Tell her what your jobs are: Womens love to do this. They stay home and have all day to do the housework and get ready to look good for you her mans when you come home. You been out working all day making the money to buy all the stuff she needs. So you get home and what does she do? She asks you to help her cook dinner. Or maybe she wants you to scrub the floor or something. Who cares? This is not your job!

You gotta make sure at the start of your relationship that she understands exakly what each of you is bringing to the table. It is real simple. You go out work hard all day and bring home the money. She stays home and makes sure the home is ready for her man.

She should meet you at the door with a drink in hand and not much else on. The dinner should be cooked and ready to go. If it is not what the hell has she been doing all day huh? Has she been on the phone talking to her friends? Maybe she got a boyfriend on the side? Cos if she hasn’t got the house looking good and dinner ready to soothe her tired man then something be wrong. Don’t let that happen to you. Sit her down and explain the facts to her gently but firmly. You have your job. She has hers. It ain’t rocket science but sometimes you gotta make these women see reality instead of the crap they been reading in the beauty magazines.

Do you know what you also gotta do when this becomes necessary? Cancel all her beauty magazine subscriptions. They only make her feel ugly anyway. So you tell her often how beautiful she is and how sexy she is and how you want to fuck her all the time. She’ll soon forget all that other crap. Womens just want to be wanted. The rest is window dressing. Make her feel special and she will do everything she can to keep that special feeling going.

That’s all you need to have a good life with your womans. Just those few little things. It’s not too hard is it? But you gotta do it when your relationship is just getting started or that damn woman will start telling you what she wants. Uh Uh! That’s no way for a REAL MAN to live. You go out and work hard all day. You have to fight your way through the traffic or on public transport. You have to pay the bills. What does that female think you do all day that she should demand you help her do her job too when you get home? She asks you to take out the garbage? Why? She isn’t capable of doing it herself before you get home? She demands you put the seat down? What’s wrong with her? If you can put it up she can’t put it down? Does she just walk in the bathroom and plonk her fat ass down without looking? Come on boys. Wake up. This goddam women’s lib garbage has eaten into your brains and look where you ended up. You are over here in Bangkok, sick, wounded and beaten into submission. That’s what happened after your failed marriage back home isn’t it? So if you come over here and let exactly the same thing happen when you find a Thai women. What sort of a fool does that make you eh?

No sir! If you arrive on these shores you are here to make a better life for yourself. Open your eyes and keep your wits about you. These Thai women are not any different than their western sisters. They will still try to twist you to their will. You got to break them of that real early or your life is gonna be Hell all over again! Is that what you want? Not me brother. Not me.

Stickman's thoughts:

Published because the readership berate me when I try to kill off these two. Don't say I am not democratic…