Readers' Submissions

Crossroads

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 2nd, 2008
  • 11 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


This last few days has found my toned ass back in Vancouver Canada. I think I told you once that France was the second best country in the world and this was by accident? It is and only because of French girls before the age of 25. French girls have a certain style, svelte bodies, and an openness about sex that is second to none. No matter where, what time, what circumstances there might be, if a French girl wants to have her way with you then she will. And she will do you with an enthusiasm rarely seen in white woman not on some form of recreational drug.

My barrister’s main offices are in Wellington. My place is in the West End so that means I needed a car that could easily go on the ferry. Looking in the garage for something suitable my eyes found the H1 Hummer and something made me smile inside. Nothing pisses off the uptight Vancouverites more than a young guy in a big carbon producing military style vehicle that gets maybe 2-3lpk. This one was special though. Jesse James had it for a few months to make it more “civilized.” The diesel was removed and a big gas engine was put in it’s place and he tells me it has 800 horsepower!

The interior was gutted. You see, I never ride with more than one person and that person is usually a hot woman eh? If I have more guests then I send the driver with the Maybach, but for sure they do not share the small confines of a vehicle with me. Jesse gutted the H1 and put it back together with the standard great sound and video system, soundproofed the hell out of it, covered everything in soft Covington leather, but my favourite feature is the two big captains chairs that spin around giving access to the rear which is designed specifically to be a luxurious private place if you know what I mean. A low and wide leather sofa, bar, aux AC, you could enjoy a few hours back there with no hardships. The outside was covered with mystic. Mystic is pricey, but a more fun than a barrel of Americans. It changes colour depending on the direction of view. Freaky, but fun and it gets you attention and the H1 was built to be an attention whore. Jesse outdone himself.

The ferry ride over was boring. I watched a Kumar and Harold escape from Guantanamo DVD. Stupid fucking Americans! At my lawyers office I pretended to be angry about him insisting the papers must be signed in Canada instead of him getting his fat ass on a plane to Bangkok. “I own at least three of you” I said “could not one of you figure out how to make the signing legal in Thailand?” Just then his new intern walks in, a 20ish French girl with a killer body, long hair, and a perfectly fit business suit. She calmed me right down, put her perfectly manicured finger where I needed to sign in each place, and soon I was done. By now fat ass had left he office and she told me we were done. I used the loo and then went to my H1. “Is that yours” I heard and turning around there was the French girl. It turns out she was going to visit her uncle who lives near me so I offered her a ride.

Once on the ferry I usually get out and go to the top deck and get something to eat and take in the view. We ended up in the middle of the ferry and when I put my hand on the door handle she stopped me and asked if I would show her all the modifications. First I showed her how the seats spun around, and before I knew it she was showing me how she spun around if you know what I mean.. hahahaha. It was not such a boring trip back, no stupid movie, no sitting topside, just a nice time with a French girl who was a great example of what the west offered in the way of women. She was enthusiastic, skilled, beautiful, and all those things. Yet, I found myself missing Asian ladies and I had only been back in Canada a few days!

I thinks I am at the place many men find themselves, although a much softer place if you know what I mean eh? HAHAHAHA! We can call it “The Crossroads!” There is a story about the Crossroads. One day a young guitar player went to these isolated and dusty crossroads in Mississippi and met the devil. The devil asked him what he wanted. He said he wanted to invent a new genre of music and play it better than anyone ever would. The devil smiled and had him sign the contract, his soul for being the King of the Delta Blues. Robert did good that day, he soul wasn’t worth much anyway eh?

Are you at the crossroads and willing to sell your soul to the devil? Many men do this to live in Thailand. Why? And what prices do they pay?

The why is obvious is it not? Men want to have sex with as many 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s as they want. Did you not read my last advices I was generous enough to write down for every man to read and learn from? In Thailand it is not only possible to sleep with as many 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s as you want, but it is also a place where some men choose to MARRY a 25 year old hot and toned beauty and start a new family. Men as old as 60-70 years old are becoming fathers once again. This must make them feel like Joe Studly to see their little offspringy’s running around barefoot in the local soi playing torture the soi dog with all the other little brats. Other mens simply have one relationship after the other, once one 25 year old hot and toned beauty starts to get on their nerves they boot them out, and replace them with another.

I thinks these latter two categories (Joe Studly’s and Joe Relationship) are men merely struggling with their western roots. They want the pleasures of the 25 year olds, but then they try to justify it and show “we are in looovveeee” by marrying these woman, or at least playing house with them like they would in the west. Who in America do they think they are joking? They are after the sex with 25 year old hot things, not new families or new relationships, but they fool themselves and justify being 40, 50, 60, 70 with a 25 year old hot thing, by PRETENDING they are in loooovveee.. and it is just a relationship like any other relationship like it is in the west. They probably call their dear old mammy’s and say “but mooaaammm…. me and Ping, we are in loooooovvvveeee… “ Mom says “grow up son, you are what 60 years old and Ping is 25?” “but mooaaammm…. me and Ping, we are in loooooovvvveeee… “ And then they go on to play house just to prove it is looovvveeee to every one back home. I laugh my ass off at these guys. Maybe they’ve only sold half their soul?

If these were real mens they would just admit the truth and then the conversation to mom would go like this: “Mom, I do not care what you think, I love boffing 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s and here in Thailand I can boff a new one every day if I want!” And mom would say “I’m so proud of you son, you have finally learned to have your own mind and are no longer trying to please everyone else!” Dad would get on the phone and say “Son, can a 85 year old geezer land some 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s too?” Those were the last words you ever heard from your dear old pop. That sound you heard in the receiver was your dear old mum hitting him over the head with the fireplace poker. Do not expect to be hearing from your dad again any time soon. It takes a while to recover from the surgical removal of a fireplace poker from deep within the rectum. Mum however is pleased for you. Why? She is secretly hoping you will become a Mr. Joe Studly and produce some fresh grandchildren so she can brag about it at the baby store and act like she’s 50 again.

What kind of mens sell their soul at the crossroads and decide to live in Thailand? All kinds! There are several category’s. Let us start low on the food chain and works our way up all the way to the tippy top where you will find me and Aha.

First we have backpackers. They merely rent their soul. These are some dirty disgusting mens who really need to wash their feet and hair. They have no employment prospects at home, and have you noticed most are butt ugly? So no women at home.. I figure they are here trying to get laid and stoned, maybe not in that order, and waiting for their parents to kick off so they can live off their inheritance. Too lazy to work for their own money, too ugly to fuck their own country women, and too stoned to know if they’re in Thailand, Laos, or Cambodia. I am sure it makes no difference to their dirty feet dirty hair losers.

Next, we have “young almost professionals.” These are guys who either have no education, or barely made it through college, and for sure they are not getting any action in their home country’s, so they sell their soul and come to Thailand. Most come with some savings and quick like spend it all in the bars losing their virginity. They can’t go home now, they have the smell of pussy in their nostrils and they want more. So what do they do? They teach English and barely make it from pay day to pay day. If they get a good English teaching job and live like a local poor Thai man they might make enough, to have some left over to pay a whore once or twice a month. Some even hook up with Isaan queens for free. They deserve each other!

Further up we have “young professionals” who actually have some education, smarts and business savvy. They start up web based businesses and do ok for themselves. Let us pause for a moment and not forget that I am Blackest Bart. When I say “ok for themselves”, I DO NOT MEAN OK FOR ME! They might like eating from local food carts and taking the baht bus (the air conditioned ones being young professionals with a bit more to spend), and fucking the salesgirls in Robinsons, but my soul is worth much more! The problem with this category’s is that many lose themselves here in Thailand, blow past what could have been decent careers in the west, and one day wake up realizing they will never really “make it” and will be resigned to living in Nakon Nowhere and eating from trash bins while their overweight Isaan 3rd wife washes and sells used plastic bags under the overpass. Did they make a good deal at the crossroads?

Another rung up are your older retiree’s. These guys were at least smart enough to earn a pension, save some money, or do something so that when they sold their soul they have some cash to go along with their 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s. These guys are from 40-70 and don’t live bad lives and often have many 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s to choose from. The reality HOWEVER, is that maybe when they first get here at 40 they really do get some nice Bangkok raised Chinese/Thai beauty, but as the man gets older and holds less promise for women, he someday finds himself at 60 with a 25 year old hot and toned Isaan raised penis chopping floozy. Some would argue there is not much difference between the two, but anyone honest with themselves and who knows Thai culture knows there is a world of difference. Still, the deal they made with the devils was “25 year old hot and toned beauty”, obviously they listed no further specifications!

Then there are the “me’s.” Young studs with loads of cash who by virtue of their cash will always look like a young stud to those 25 year old hot and toned beauties everyone finds most desirable. These beauty’s will do anything to spend time with the “me’s” and can you blame them? Boats in Phuket, nice homes built on the cliffs, a few lawyers of their own, they all want to live the good life.

None of the above category’s mean anything, I wrote then just for fun to poke the losers in the eye eh? HAHAHAHAHA EVERY WESTERN MAN who lives in Thailand has visited the crossroads. They have given up whatever family, careers, and life they had in the west. Why? So they can live in a place where 25 year old hot and toned beauty’s are possible. They have sold their soul. Why? For pussy!

Stickman's thoughts:

Published because the readership berate me when I try to kill off these two. Don't say I am not democratic…