Readers' Submissions

The Clock Ticks

  • Written by Anonymous
  • July 26th, 2008
  • 9 min read



I crap you not! For a millisecond I thought the great Mr. Stickman was going to kick my finely toned Canadian ass to the curb! To his credit he came to his senses, I am sure prodded by the many readers who appreciate fine writing and well reasoned debate. Who am I joking eh? There is no debate about a marrying a whore, vaginamony, and all the other greats advices I so generously provide to those mens smart enough to get over their petty hurt feelings and to think clearly instead.

Today is the day. Today is the day I turn on that dim light bulb hanging over your head. It is about to start glowing brightly and a big smile is about to shape ON your fat lips, and you are going to start nodding your big fat head in agreement with me on this one.

Are you sexually attracted to a 50 year old lady? Ok, there might be one in a gawdzillion 50 year old ladies worth the physical effort of fucking. We ARE taking about the average, so do not try to get cute eh? It only makes you look more stupid. The fact is, most women at 50 years old are ghastly and are in no way the lady a man would pick out in a crowd for a good shagging. I do not care if you are 15 or 80, you would all choose the good looking and toned 25 year old over the good looking and toned 50 year old. And this is assuming a lot that a 50 year old would still be good looking, much less toned. At 50 most women are drooping down to their knees, their pussy has dried up, and very few have enough stamina to ride on top longer than 2-3 minutes. 50 year old AVERAGE women have gone to fat, are no longer taking care of themselves, and while they might be a fine housekeeper or a decent cook, they ARE NOT the lady you would choose from a crowd to shag the hell out of.

Some shit for brains Stickman reader is out there right now, hand raised, and squirming in his seat like Arnold Horseshack, saying OOH OOH, OOH OOH, “but what if the man is 70 years old”, “then a 50 year old lady would look pretty good.” NO! A 50 year old might look better than anything the old geezer has had recently, but if the same 50 year old lady was in a crowd of women the old pervert would choose the hot and toned 25 year old slut just like the rest of us. A mans age DOES NOT influence the age of women he finds attractive, at least if this is a normal guy and not some sick fuck prevert who is attracted to underage girls.

CHESTERS LISTEN UP, if you are sexually attracted to underage girls (or boys) please do us all a favour. Take that new Ginsu knife you were stupid enough to buy on late night television (you are watching late night television because you are a loser who is not getting laid during late night) and saw off your penis and flush it down the toilet. If you find underage girls/boys sexually attractive, you ARE NOT a man. You are clinically sick and require RPRT (rapid penis removal treatment) immediately!

Here comes the enlightenment. When you were 15 you found that 25 year old hot and toned beauty the object of your masturbational fantasies. When you were 25 years old you found that 25 year old hot and toned beauty the object of your pussy hunting. When you were 35 years old you were still hunting that 25 year old hot and toned pussy. At 45, and 55, unless you’ve listened to me and Aha about how to successfully hunt pussy, you are back to finding that 25 year old hot and toned beauty the object of your masturbational fantasies. By 65 and 75 you are having trouble remembering, but you’re pretty damn sure that 25 year old hot and toned beauty is the one for you, and you can still vaguely remember that part A goes in part B.

I am sure someone will argue this, and I am equally sure that someone will be married to a woman who is no longer 25 years old, nor hot and toned eh? Western society tells us that if we marry, we must only have sex with our wife. Society tells us this, the divorce courts enforce this by threatening to strip you of your home, savings, and retirement, your heathen churches enforce this with threats of eternal damnation, and of course western women want us to believe this. Men, if you believe this then a western woman has been successful in removing your testicles, putting them in a jar, and placing them high out of your reach. If this is you, go find your balls and have them reattached and then read the rest of this sub eh?

Marriage has a place in society. It is a comfortable institution for men who probably were never popular with 25 year old hot and toned beauties to start with. It makes these men comfortable because they can not get 25 year old hot and toned beauties to have wild sex with them and they have given up all hope of being “really” attracted to the woman they are actually having sex with. Instead, the time battered 50 year old gets down on her knees (must use kneepads at this age) in front of your lazyman recliner chair to give you your bi-annual blow job out of desperate obligation, and you close your eyes and lean your head back and imagine if this 50 year old had still had strength in her cheeks and tongue, that she is a 25 year old hot and toned beauty. We all know this to be true.

Here is the big problem. You are 25-35 and still a real man. Your fiancée is a 25 year old hot and toned beauty. Western society (and your dear old mammy) tells you to marry this “treasure” and live happily ever after. Soon, you are married to this beauty and sooner than you like she starts dropping youngun’s like a prize heffer should. Over the next 5-10 years her hips spread, her pussy loses tone, breasts sag, wrinkles appear all over her face, most of the time she gains enough weight to scare a monkey, and almost all the time she has become so busy taking care of kids, working, book club, and all the other social obligations of western society, and now great sex with you is the furthest thing on her mind.

“Christ on a waterboard,” you just woke up and realized your chances of ever having a 25 year old hot and toned beauty are nonexistent. You can try, but the “love of your life” will use the divorce courts to punish you by taking away the financial means you need to come to Thailand and PAY for a 25 year old hot and toned beauty.. You are truly fucked at this point and must make one of several scary decisions.

Arnold Horseshack is raising his hand again, yet another bright and resourceful Stickman reader. “But what if I am single at 45-55 and marry then, won’t I grow old WITH my 25 year old hot and toned beauty? Absolutely not! In the exact same amount of time she will age right out of that hot and toned beautiful package. The only age difference is yours. Remember what I said, men from 15-80 are still attracted to the same 25 year old hot and toned beauties.

Maybe, but this is risky, but maybe if you are north of 65 and you marry a 25 year old hot and toned beauty, then you might have a chance of “growing sexually old” at the same rate. Yes, I know it’s a “risk” many 65 year old men would loved to take. THANK YOU WESTERN SOCIETY, you have screwed us once again!!!

Some have asked why a young, very handsome, extremely toned, and filthy rich Canadian westerner such as myself moved to Thailand. Fair question. When it comes to all matters sexual, Asian culture is FAR superior to western culture. Example: Asian men marry young to a 25 year old hot and toned beauty. At 35 they take on yet another 25 year old hot and toned beauty, while keeping the wife on to care of the kids, clean, cook, and take care of the house.

In Thailand we call this new addition to the family a “Mia Noi.” At 45 he either sends Mia Noi #1 packing and replaces her with yet another 25 year old hot and toned beauty, or if Mia Noi #1 is behaving herself properly, he simply “adds on.” In an Asian society Asian men can add as many 25 year old hot and toned beauties, as they have money. If wife number one or number two doesn’t agree, she can hit the road and the divorce courts will not reward her. This is almost a perfect system, especially when you consider how nice and sexy Asian women are.

Me personally? I suggest keeping at least 4-5 25 year old hot and toned beauties on a short leash. I recommend them knowing vaguely about each other, this keeps them in line. 25 year old hot and toned beauties are very easy to come by here in Thailand. Especially 25 year old hot and toned beauties married to old and fat farangs or lazy clueless Japanese men.. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Men, DO NOT MARRY YOUNG! If you do, by the time you are 35-40, you will not recognize the wrinkled old prune who has become a static lump on the other side of your bed. Guys, when you are young it is easy to get all the 25 year old hot and toned beauties you could possibly want. Why marry just one? They won’t seem that special. However, by the time you are 45-60, 25 year old hot and toned beauties will seem very special indeed eh? Do not be a dick, and get married quick!

Stickman's thoughts:

After declaring that these two clowns would not be published any more I received a deluge of emails from readers, some in support, and some in support. The split was about 50 : 50. While I personally may not like what they say, or rather, the way they say it, that about 50% of the readership enjoys what they say means that it would be wrong to refrain from publishing them. With that in mind, they are back. I have taken the liberty of publishing two other submissions today also, so even if you don't like these two clowns, there is some other good reading for you to enjoy.