Stickman Readers' Submissions July 25th, 2008

I Married A Bargirl

I was not intent on getting married, but some unforeseen circumstances brought about a rushed marriage. I had been seeing this particular woman for about a year and she seemed very honest and sincere with me. I knew she was still working when I was not
in Thailand, but at the time I didn’t much care. I was and I hate to write this but I was a sex tourist. Eventually I became a one woman sex tourist and started thinking about taking my relationship with this girl to the next level. I never
once sent this girl money, even though I knew other gents were. I figured if she runs off with one of them there are literally thousands to replace her. Well, I wanted to get closer so I propositioned her. I asked her if she would like to come
and live with me in Japan for a while. She said she would. Again, at this time I wasn’t planning on getting married. I did my research and started sending a little money to help her cover the cost of expenses for travel. She told she went
back home, to Bangkok and to pay for the fees and everything to get her passport and file the necessary paperwork for her visa. Mind you I am not wealthy in any sense of the word when it comes to money. I sent here over the entire course of our
relationship maybe 25,000 baht and that was to cover the things I was asking her to do. I demanded that she send everything she completed to me so I knew that she was processing paperwork and getting the necessary medical evaluations and immunizations
required for her to travel to Japan. She was diligent, her getting everything filed and submitted and getting me copies.

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I was to arrive in Bangkok about two weeks ahead of our scheduled departure to Japan. I arrived and we finalized all the paperwork and were just waiting on her visa. Her visa was to be approved 3 days before our flight to Japan. I guess I was being very
optimistic about the whole thing because I had already purchased both of our plane tickets, mine was a round trip back to Japan and hers was a round trip to Japan and back to Thailand 6 months later. I set this up because I wanted to live with
her for a while and see if things were going to work out between us and if not she could leave and go back, or we could apply for an extension and get married then fly back to Thailand for a Thai ceremony. Three days before our flight was to depart
we went to the Japanese Embassy and found out her visa was denied, still don’t know why, but none the less she had no visa to travel with me. We both were very upset and had no idea what to do. I sat around very dejected for quite sometime.
Then I realized if she really wanted to go with me that desperately I had a plan. I knew that she could travel without a visa if I could get her a US Military identification card. I asked her if that was what she wanted to do and told her we would
have to be married in order to complete that. She said yes to my surprise and I was actually surprised that I had asked her, but we both had put a lot of time and effort into trying to get her to Japan and did not want to have to repeat everything
again in the near future to make it happen.

I understand the following is not all completely necessary for everyone but I had to complete these things to allow for the smoothest transition due to the requirements placed upon me by the US government and the US Military.

At this time I had about T- 65 hours until our plane departed. I went to the US Embassy and completed the necessary documents to state I was mentally competent to marry. I then rushed to a translator to translate my documents to Thai, on
to the Thai embassy to complete same documents for my “fiancée”. I have to say that at my embassy being an American greatly reduced our waiting time and at the Thai embassy her being Thai did the same. Once the Thai embassy
cleared me and filed my paperwork of to the closest Aumphor in Lak Si, we were married. We hurriedly got back to Wireless Road and translated our marriage license and register to English and raced down the road to JUSMAGTHAI, the joint
forces compound that handles all the logistical requirements for all US Military members in Thailand to get my wife a US Military Dependant ID Card. Wow, the plane leaves in 60 hours. I didn’t have time to mess around so we hired a car
to drive us to Nang Rong. We arrived very late and the government offices were closed at the Aumphor. I met the family (they were very surprised to find out their daughter was married) and had dinner and made arrangements to return and
have the Thai ceremony and the sin sot and all. I was surprised at the reaction of they family, they weren’t upset or angry, but disappointed that we were already married and their daughter as leaving without really having to say
goodbye. The next morning (T-48 until Departure) we hurried to the Aumphor to change the house register to reflect her new name and get receipts for that. Now back to Bangkok. We rushed as fast as we could go but did not arrive in time
to make it to the Thai embassy to change her name in her passport. We enjoyed a quiet evening and had a nice dinner and ensured we had multiple copies of all our documents in both Thai and English. I woke the next morning very tired and worn out
from all the traveling and administrative requirements we had to accomplish (T-24 until departure). We arrived at the Thai embassy and changed her name in her passport to match her new US Military Identification card. The mission was complete.
We had everything we needed to travel and all documents matched including the multiple name translations that I had assured would be the same on every document. Depending upon who translated for you the spellings can very greatly. We were ready
to travel. We had completed the almost impossible mission. We were worn out, tired and frustrated with the entire goings on. With only 12 hours until departure we only had one thing to do, make sure everything was packed and all documentation
was in order.

The next morning with only 4 hours before the plane departed we arrived at Don Muang International. We had a few hiccups getting through immigration without a visa in her passport, but once I explained she didn’t need one with the Military ID we
rolled right on through. We paid our 500 baht fee for not wanting to stay in Thailand and boarded the plane. We were off to the Land of the Rising Sun.

My wife had a difficult time adjusting to the new surroundings, but I think it was less than it would have been if we would have come straight to the US. Quite a few of the customs and foods are very similar so the main issue was the language
which we both suffered through. We had quite a time communicating with for languages for a while because I wasn’t a great Thai conversationalist but we made it work. I spoke English, she spoke Thai, and the locals spoke Japanese and my
wife and worked in through with what I like to call THINGLISH.

I had a few deployments for short durations of a month or two in which I would fly her home to Thailand and never once thought about her stepping out on me. I did write a few nasty emails and had a few disrespectful phone calls with her admirers
that were planning on flying back to Thailand to see her. I wasn’t worried though because at the end of the day she was at home with me.

We have been married now for almost 5 years and have a great little boy to share our love with. I guess all I am trying to say is you can marry a bargirl and have it work out. I realize I am in the probably less than 1% who have tried and
it has worked out up to this point. I don’t see us having any problems that every other married couple doesn’t have, and we are getting along stupendously. I wasn’t even planning on getting married and in less than three days
I was married and on a plane to Japan to start what has to out to be the most wonderful thing in my life.

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Like I said I had been reading your column for a while and I was leery about the whole situation, but if you want it to work you will put in the time and effort to make it work as will the lucky lady, if she isn’t willing to help you
make it work she probably doesn’t want it to work and is milking you.

I don’t send money back to her family on a regular basis, but they understand we don’t have a lot to send and they really need it to make ends meet or are installing upgrades to the home so I am there with financial support.

Thanks for the website and column, Stick. I hope you keep running for a very long time.

Stickman's thoughts:

You took a huge risk in rushing things like that. Erring on the conservative side, it is something I could never do. I am of course very pleased to hear things have worked out so well.

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