Readers' Submissions

I Drink Your Milkshake



I have my girlfriend sitting next to me so I am typing these words in an old English text font so she can't read what I type. Stick has asked me to put a text together of my old online adventures. I am not active anymore, of course, since I have a long term girlfriend.

The first thing: Is it worth to go online to get a girl? Can't you just meet someone outside or in the supermarket or at a bar? I have tried all these options. You may give girls your number on the street, but they won't call you back. If you approach someone in the street, you have to follow it up immediately. You meet someone in the supermarket by accident, don't give her your phone number, try to convince her to have a coffee with you. If you give her your phone or if she gives you her phone number the chances are high that she will not know who you are in 2 or 3 days. Probably she will forget about you in the next 45 minutes.

The bar / disco experience, well if you like to get it on with drunk girls, you can go to these places where there are lots of Thais. Don't go to the bars along Sukhumvit, too many freelancers there. How to get a Thai girl in a disco? It is actually very easy. Drink one or two beers first to get in the mood, then act like a complete fool, dance like you have lost your mind and they probably find you cute. If you behave like a child, they will probably raise their glass and say 'cheers'. Then take it from there. Does not matter what you say to them, just put a stupid grin on your face all the time and behave like a retard. Most likely you will bed one of the girls around you if they have sunk enough whiskey to feel relaxed. Remember most Thais can only have fun when they are drunk. Forget getting a phone number, you are forgotten tomorrow. It is all a "right now" game. Tomorrow never comes, tomorrow does not even exist. You understand?

As you can see, I find it much too exhausting to meet a girl in a pub. For the money you spend on drinks and taxis and what not, you can get yourself laid at a massage parlour and you will not have to take the gamble and humiliate yourself. The game is to keep the cost of sex low. So what is the solution?

Online chat is not a bad idea, but you have to do it the right way. I always find it funny when people tell me they have lost patience with it or their success rate is not high enough. Keep in mind, the cost of sex for a western person is around 100 dollars per time on the free market, for ten minutes of it. Sure in Bangkok it might be cheaper, let's say 50 dollars for an hour. How much money are you making in one hour? 50 dollars? Ok, I don't think it's bad to invest one hour in online chat to get laid. If it is over one hour you are starting to lose money. The point is not to chat for one hour with a girl, but to find in one hour a girl who is willing to get laid. The blacks in my country do a similar thing. They enter a disco and ask ten girls 'do you want to get laid?' Nine will say no way but one will say yes. Of course you have to operate a bit more subtly but it is basically the same idea behind it. Since these girls are a bunch of brainless twats, you have to lead the conversation and not let them control it otherwise you end up showing your webcam to them and at most you get cyber sex. No, we want the real thing and we want it fast. No we want it instantly.

Rule number one again, be nice. Do not use the word sex or any inappropriate language. There are some code words they will understand, but I am not just going to give them to you cos I am not getting paid for writing this. Find out if the girl is free now or in the worst case after work, suggest a meeting. If she is unsure, go to the next one, even if you have her phone number. Phone numbers do not mean anything. Phone numbers are there to check if she is a girl and not a katoey or a gay. That's all, but do call her for one second, because there are many jokers out there who will give you invalid numbers. The phone only comes into the game when she is at the meeting place. Speaking over the phone is dreadful, cos they will not understand what you say and you will have a nervous breakdown before you even meet her.

Better negotiate on the chat. Do not mess around. There are many girls out there. You have to find the one that is in the mood to meet you. If you have found one ready to hook up, you can try to push your luck a bit more. Let her come around to your place. Never ever ever ever go to meet her at her area. First of all, you would have to pay for transportation there, and we said, that we want to get laid the cheapest possible way. Second, if she comes to your area, it is a sign that she wants something, it could be your money, it could be your…you know. If you meet her at her area, she is in control. Remember, most girls do not live alone <Actually this is wrong, more live alone than you may thinkStick>, or they don't want to take you to their place because they fear their reputation. So you might end up paying for a hotel room and this is not what we want.

Stay at home until she calls you that she is at your meeting place. Most girls are late or won't show up so you save yourself from waiting for her. When she calls, jump out of your apartment and go there. Of course you will not take her for dinner. You have to decide if you want to take her home right away or if she needs a bit warm up. If she needs warming up take her to a coffee shop. I usually just walk them to my place. Of course I don't tell them where we are going, I just start walking and they usually follow. If they start to ask too many questions where you are going you can ditch her, cos most likely she won't have sex with you even if you manage to take her to your place. The art of the game is the smooth transition from meeting place to the room. There are some tricks, but I am not giving them away here. By any means try to avoid sex talk, even you are very excited. There are some girls who like it, but they will signal to you that they like this kind of language.

After you had the girl how do you get her out of your apartment? That is probably more difficult than getting her inside. Jokes are your best friend. Also you have to get out too. Invent a phone call from work. If she is really not moving, say your wife is on the way. That will get her dressed in no time. <Classic idea!Stick>

Am I a bad person now because I just want to get straight to the point? I don't think so. In Thailand, we only have partnerships of convenience. Real love or compassion is a rare commodity. The girls are on their game to get a 'rich' and stupid white guy to pay for their bills while we guys are here for the sex. The fronts are clear. Forget about the decent girls out there, if you meet one with bigger luck than the Eiffel Tower you will know that you have to deal with her in the appropriate way. I have only met like ten girls I respect and I am in my 5th year here. For quite some time, the girls here took what they wanted from us, now it's time to take it back. Do not pity these girls. Tomorrow they will find a naieve guy who will take them shopping, spoil them with 5 star hotel dinners and cash in hand. Just drink the other guy's milkshake, he won't mind, cos he does not even notice it. So drink it up, drink it all up.

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

I think the point that needs to be taken from this submission is that there is plenty of opportunity to have some afternoon delight with girls who are not hookers. Good, clean, no commitment, no strings attached sex.