How My Fairly Tale Went Wrong
My reason to search for a Thai Girl as my future wife is I prefer Asian woman and I’m more spiritually minded than most in the western world. My own religion is similar to Buddhism in many ways. Also I have an internet marketing friend who has lived in Thailand for some years and loves it there. So I thought why not give it a try?
So now that I decided what country I wanted to search in and wanted to find the perfect girl my criteria was: honesty, integrity, a good communicator, cute, loyal and a girl that understands the simplicity of a marriage that woman have their work and so do men and not mixing up these “hats”. I wasn’t looking for a submissive kind either. I want someone with their own mind. Looking for a life partner. I was looking for a “Thai Princess” from the country “unaffected by western culture too much” haha… seemed easy enough to find right? After all, I am about to sign up to a site with many thousands of Thai girls online (ThaiLoveLinks) so surely I can find at least one that meets my criteria.
About me: I am 28 years old, an internet marketer starting a new career as a self employed internet marketer and web developer. This will give me the chance to live anywhere I choose, as long as I have an internet connection. I’ve had enough of working for bosses. I’ve been working for others since I was 16 and now it’s time to be the boss and have business partners rather than ignorant bosses.
So looking for a future wife I thought I have a good chance in Thailand where the majority of men looking for a Thai wife are older than me. I knew a lot of young girls are looking for guys 35+… good for them… I’m not interested in that kind. If they are short sighted enough to believe “all young men are just out to have fun and are not serious” then good luck to them in life with their limited viewpoint. They are not for me anyway.
So back to the searching: Within a couple of days I had found the girl I thought would be the one. Lets call her Barbie Doll (not real name). She was 21 (hmmm, a bit young for me I thought but ok lets see how it goes). Her description read as follows:
i am honest and sweet girl. i like to laugh and always in a good mood. i like to cook Thai food . i want to travel another country.
She was looking for the following kind of guy:
i am looking for good and honest guy . i am ready to settle down if i find a right guy for me . i want to start family and have lovly kid. hope to hear from you soon.
Great! Sounds like me.
I spoke to her via chat and she had great English! Great, all the words were what I wanted to hear. She wants to settle down with a good man, take care of him, have lovely kids. Her English was great. She said things like “you can tell me anything”. At the end of each chat she was the only girl to send me a kiss. The site has this button you press and it’s very clever as you almost “feel” the kiss when it’s sent. I felt great with her. I was speaking with a few others but with her it felt the best by far. “She was the one”. One of the other girls I spoke to was a bar girl (I didn’t know it at the time) but she kept saying she has to see me (on the webcam) all the time she kept saying that. So after a few days I went to buy a cam. It was going to be exciting since I’d never used one before.
After a couple of days I realize this bar girl is messed up but I keep chatting to her just to learn what she is all about. In the mean time things are going great with Barbie doll and I let her know I now have a cam. She was so excited and wanted to see me. She liked what she saw. I said I really want to see her too. I had fallen in love with her photos she sent me a few days before. I originally went after her because she was an 8 out of 10 for me in looks. (I thought I didn’t want a pretty girl too much as I don’t need every guy around giving her too much attention) But the photo showed she was more than that. I first fell in love with her communication. Then her photo and then webcam time… Finally I get to see her in webcam. Wow! Even better than her image on the webcam. Just so unbelievably cute. White skin etc. She’s from Isaan so recently I learnt it’s rare to find a girl with white skin there. I thought it was usual at the time. To be honest I don’t care what colour skin someone has. That’s the stupidest idea I ever heard about having white skin is better. Talk about superficial! Sure she has to be cute to look at. But that’s enough for me.
Barbie Doll was so shy. I could tell I was the first “farang” she had spoken to on webcam. But what’s this? Who’s that typing for her? Oh, it’s her cousin, yes she said her cousin was helping her (I didn’t know she was typing EVERYTHING for her). Oh ok, well this is new… but too late… I was already in love 3 times over. So her cousin said she will pass the keyboard over to Barbie Doll. Well this was very different. Now she was typing 10 times slower than her cousin. Her English on the phone was so basic, but so cute. I think any other guy would have quit at that point since her English was so bad. But being in love makes you do interesting things. I was totally in love with the idea of her. Everything. It was even an advantage that she spoke nearly no English. Because I had a lot of experience teaching one-on-one with foreign students. I knew I could teach her English. For a girl like this I had all the patience in the world. So now it’s started within a few days we were girlfriend and boyfriend. We became closer and closer. I told the other girls I had a girlfriend now and she took herself off the website. <Let's just pause for a moment. The girl is 21 so she is rather young to be considered for a serious relationship. She had lied to you about who you were speaking with and chatting online with. And now, despite these lies and despite never meeting her in person, you proclaimed that she was your girlfriend? Hmm – Stick>
She was staying at her aunt's house full time so she could speak with me daily. We were online for 3 – 5 hours a day. Minimum 1 hour and up to 8 hours on Saturday. She was helping around her aunt's house, cooking, cleaning and was happy. I was working out ways to get over there. After 2.5 – 3 months she had to go back home to help her dad on the sugar farm and rice farms they had. So I could only speak to her by phone. By this point her English was much better. I had her reading from books to me while online. And we could have basic communication over the phone. It was getting a bit repetitive other the phone and I could feel her fading. I had to act fast. I got time off work and planned to quit when I got back anyway. Even though Christmas was approaching I found a replacement for my sales job so I could go for a week. After all, I had promised her.
So she was very happy I was coming. She would go to Bangkok to meet me at the airport and she would be staying with her cousin. But before that she would be visiting her friends for a few days.
This is where it started to go weird. I called her 1 week before I was leaving. She was just about to arrive to Bangkok on the bus. Her communication was a bit too short for my liking. That’s ok, she’s a bit nervous and is about to meet her friends. Don’t worry about it. Next day I call her and she is with her friends out eating. She sounds so happy but I can barely hear her. I asked if she can go somewhere more quiet so I can speak to her. But apparently she couldn’t and this annoyed me a bit. Surely there was somewhere she could go nearby? Anyway, no big deal I’ll call her tomorrow. I couldn’t get through. Maybe she’s at a movie. I sent a text to her asking when’s a good time to call. She sent back an SMS saying she’s taking a trip with her friends and not to call her coz it’s too loud.
Then finally she was at her cousin's house and staying with only her cousin. Fine, she was with her friends the past few days and hadn’t seen them for ages. Now everything is ok, 3 days left, she’s at her cousin's waiting for me. I had her cousin's number now in case we lost contact. So I tried to call Barbie Doll a few times over the next few days and couldn’t get hold of her. I called her cousin who said she was fine and don't worry. Strange. I could always get hold of her before. No big deal. I tried a couple more times after the next couple of days. Only SMSs got through. I thought she must be so nervous now that the first farang she ever spoke to is about to come and meet her. I was nervous too. I spoke to her cousin again and she assured me Barbie Doll was ok and everything is set. I spoke to Barbie doll that night too and agreed I would call her the following day before leaving. I must say it felt a bit strange over the past couple of days her not making herself available so I could speak to her since I was so close to leaving to meet her. I had a few thoughts of not going at all. It felt a bit wrong suddenly. But after speaking to her cousin and my housemates they assured me everything would be fine and I was just nervous. Sure, I was about to consummate a relationship and start a new future with the most gorgeous girl I had ever spoken to.
I’m at the airport now ready to get on the plane and about to call her. She sends me an SMS to call her. So I do, and cant get through to her again. No big deal. She sends an SMS saying see you at the air port. So off I go. Dressed in my new suit and shirt… I’m the best dressed passenger around… I want to make a great first impression.
Onto the plane, keeping calm as much as possible which I manage to do. After landing then I start to get nervous… felling a bit sick, need a smoke, but that’s makes it worse. Nearly throw up in the toilet, haha, gagging, chew some gum and off I go out into the receiving area. Hundreds of people around I just keep walking and in the distance I see a smiling laughing girl next to another Thai woman. In my daze I head straight to her and I think I gave her a hug. She was dressed a bit spunky today.
My first impression was she was letting her hair down a bit in Bangkok, dressed a bit sexy standing next to her 24 year old cousin. Her cousin looked like she’d been around a bit, had very good English and worked at a hotel reception. She didn’t look so trustworthy to me for some reason but I wasn’t here for her. I was here for Barbie Doll. She was so shy but kept up a brave face. Grabbed my hand (good sign for me) and off we went. Man, she smelled so good. Later on I found out she puts a smelling gel on her clothes which is why she always smells so good.
She started talking a bit and I could tell how nervous she was. I knew her cousin was there to take care of Barbie Doll and make sure I wasn’t some dangerous guy. We went to get a taxi and the cousin sat in front with me and Barbie doll in the back. She seemed ok with me, just shy. Didn’t say a lot, looked at me and I was looking at her. We were going to a hotel her cousin found. It was small and booked out. Oh, so her cousin wasn’t so organized after all. So we went to her hotel and arranged a room. We had to wait about an hour before the room would be ready. Her cousin disappeared (I was told she went home to sleep before she started the afternoon shift). So it was just me and Barbie doll.
We went into the hotel restaurant to eat. It was Barbie Doll's first time in a hotel. She ordered some rice and meat for me. She shared some but wasn’t really hungry. We took some photos and had fun with her wearing my sun glasses. Everything was looking perfect. We went outside to wait some more for the room to be ready. There I was sitting facing her and thought now would be a good time for the first kiss. I was a bit shy but knew I had to keep the momentum gong since she wasn’t saying a lot or asking anything. So I moved forward and kissed her. I wasn’t expecting the result. It was like a blank look from her. Like, what was that? What should I do now? She was looking around like did anyone see that? Much later on I found out Thais don’t kiss much and very rarely in public. Ok my bad. But no big deal. Maybe in the hotel room she will be less shy about kissing. After all, I was here to take our 4 month relationship to the next level. So now I was picking up different vibes from her. She was being the naughty Thai girl now because she was now with a farang and about to visit him in his hotel room and possibly stay. She was trying to adopt a cool and casual approach to it. We went upstairs to the room and spent a few minutes working out how to make the lights and air con work…put the room key in its socket dummy. Ok good. We worked that out.
Now what was I hoping for? Well in my dream she was going to jump onto me and hug me and kiss me and maybe more. Nope she’s looking too shy and unsure of herself. So I unpack some things. Give her a couple of gifts I bought for her. And talked a little then lay down with her and instigated some hugging and kissing. She was a bit unsure of herself and wasn’t into it in a big way. Doing the actions but not feeling a hell of a lot from her. But not getting rejection either. Ok she’s shy…keep it going and bring her out of her shyness. Wow what a body. The softest smoothest skin ever. Slim and perfect in everyway for me. Once we started getting into kissing and things with her clothed and on top of me I said something like I don’t think I can stop. I said it in a way which gave pause and allowed her to break away and say something like, we can do later. I didn’t want this to be her feeling like she had no choice but left it open to her. She took it as a signal to prepare herself for me. So she undressed herself and we went through all the motions. But at the end that’s what it felt like. Only motions. No passion from her. No big smiles and cuddling me or any of that which when in love you feel these things. No talking afterwards. Just actions. Hmmm, what was that? Did she like it? Hate it? What? Should be obvious right? Nope. No indication of what it was like for her. She wasn’t upset or anything. She did mention she doesn’t like a lot of kissing (and showed me her kissing her arm she doesn’t like the Hollywood movie type of kissing). Hmmm ok, maybe that’s Thai girls for you. Fair enough, over time I’m sure she would like it right? Who doesn’t like kissing? Just new to it all. She’s had a boyfriend or 2 in the long past a so she’s still new. No big deal. But still a bit disconcerting.
After that was just lie around and watch TV. Her cousin said on the phone before I arrived Barbie Doll would be staying at her apartment. No problem. I asked Barbie Doll when she needs to go to her cousin's house. She said she would stay with me and up to her what she wants. Great! Good sign, I left the door open for her to be able to leave without upsetting me or feeling obligated to stay but she chose herself to stay. Sweet. Everything was going to be ok and she would soon open up to me so we could grow closer.
She needed to go to her cousin's to pick up her bag and clothes as we were set to catch a bus to her home town Khon Kaen in the morning. We caught the skytrain to a nearby station and then an old rickety bus to get closer to her cousin's place. And then walking through tight dirty streets. No problem, I was with the girl of my dreams and the city didn’t cause me any concern, just curious. So many dogs and dirt all over the place.
We arrived at her cousin's small 1 room apartment with no kitchen. Got her stuff ready and out we went. While leaving, some young guys spoke to her and she smiled but didn’t pass onto me what they said. I got the idea it could have been something like “so this is your farang boyfriend your mother wants you to have?” Who knows but if I’m with someone that doesn’t understand what's being said around them I always make sure I tell them and make them feel comfortable. Who cares who they were anyway…she’s staying with me tonight and it’s not her boyfriend so who cares.
At this point I’m already in love. I can put up with a lot. In the background of my mind I’m thinking this is a young cute spoiled brat following her parents' orders But who cares, things will change. I will be her everything. I will be there for her when no one else will be. She will learn me quickly and learn that I am sincere and truly will love her. Things are great. Ok back to the hotel.
We see her cousin working now. Barbie Doll has a few words with her cousin, her cousin seems unconcerned about her safety or me. That should be obvious by now.
Back to the hotel room. I want to see a bit of Bangkok so we head out again to the skytrain to a shopping mall she knows. I want to eat out but she’s not hungry. We just walk around, look at some things. I buy some Thai language learning books and a map of Bangkok and back to the hotel again. More TV, not a lot of talking. And that night more motions. Earlier in the day I “didn’t finish” probably due to not enough passion, a bit of soreness due to it being too long since the last time I “finished” half a year ago with my Australian ex gf. This time I “finished” Her question: Why you finished this time? (and not last time)? I told her about it being a while but now getting into it. She seemed reassured that there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing wrong with her? She had the best body ever. Never again would I not be able to get turned on. As far as I was concerned she was the hottest chick that ever lived. So why that concern from her “about not finishing before?” She was too concerned she was doing everything right. What about the love and passion? Where was that? Should be soon right?
No problem. So the next morning we are off to the bus station for a 6 hour bus ride to Khon Kaen. Everything seems fine (except she doesn’t talk much) and smiles mostly when taking pics. Such a great smile. Shame it's mostly only when taking pics.
Great service on the bus. $14 for a luxury bus ride where they serve food and don’t need to stop. I pay $90 in Australia for a similar bus ride without the service. Thailand is great!
We arrive at the bus stop. And she calls her parents. 15 minutes later they are there in their new Toyota Hilux Virgo (not so poor I can see). They are nervous and happy. I feel like I’m a visiting king come to marry their daughter.
We drive round looking for a hotel for me and find a big hotel that’s probably a 3 star, only about $30 AUD a night. Sweet. But it’s much cheaper for a twin bed room than a double bed I’m told by Barbie Doll. Very strange… maybe it’s for the parents benefit to imagine we would not sleep together. But they already know we would and understand it as a compromise when their east daughter meets west man (as long as she doesn’t get pregnant. Already communicated about online months ago.)
So there we are in the hotel. That night something interesting happened. I was preparing a bed for us and she went over to the other bed to go to sleep. What? Why? These single beds are big enough for the both of us. She said that it’s not good to sleep together before getting married. I got a little pissed and said something like I don’t understand you, we already slept together last night. She could see I was pissed off a bit and walked out of the room in her nighty. I thought oh shit, she’s going to call her parents to come pick her up already. What the fuck is going on? I didn’t want it to end like this so I went outside and she is there at the top of the staircase looking down and sad. I took hold of her hand and guided her back inside. She said I was not happy with her. I said tell me what’s going on. She was upset I was not happy with her. I said I was upset because what she did before and explained to her that there is no reason we should not sleep together and her parents know already etc…all too obvious. So we slept in the same bed after that.
She told me online a long time ago she is not into sex much. I thought of course she would say that with her being so young. But once you love someone, who doesn’t enjoy sex? Only cold fish. Well she was right. She doesn’t enjoy sex in a big way, doesn’t like talking about it and does it in a way that is just going through the motions. She wants me to finish fast and then goes and has a shower straight after. No lovey dovey cuddling or anything. This is so strange. There is something going on behind all this and I’m going to get to the bottom of it. One night she instigated sex in the middle of the night. But I don’t think it was because she wanted it or was horny. (if she was she doesn’t show it much) I think she started it because she knew and sensed I wanted to. She holds onto me (not like star fish) but just as bad nearly because she’s not into it but holds me in a way she thinks will make me finish faster. This is all too bizarre for me but I just keep hope that I’ll get her out of it soon.
Over that week we go to her village nearly everyday and spend time with her family, meet everybody, visit nearby temples. I learn to ride a motorbike and each night go home to the hotel.
We went shopping a few times. I was happy to buy her a $10 pair of shoes and a hair cut and things like that. But I was paying for everything including fuel for the car everyday. Beer for a party, you name it, I paid for it. That was my job…walking ATM. But they were poor so I thought who cares it’s not that much for such a great experience. I did buy a dress for her that she probably would never wear for around $50 which was a mistake because at some point I should have drawn the line. Everything else she wanted was so small it didn’t bother me but I should have drawn the line somewhere with that dress.
A couple of times she says thank you for everything. And she said I love you to me. This was during cooking dinner for me. Shame they were just words. I believe she loved me in a way. Just not to the level I wanted or expect…maybe she isn’t capable of showing big love. But something is still going on I don’t understand and want to get to the bottom of it.
Nearly each morning she gets a call at about 7 – 8 AM. One time I thought I heard a girl's voice, a couple of times I heard I guy's voice too. So she has male friends. Who cares, I have plenty of female friends I’ve never slept with. Maybe some long time friend from Bangkok who likes to call her and complain about his life. Surely she has no time for a male boyfriend in her village and at her aunt's under the close watchful eye of her family. Surely she wouldn’t take a call from a boyfriend in the presence of me. No one is that stupid, right?
When I asked her who it was she said it was her friend (female) from Bangkok. I said it sounded like a man’s voice. She said she had many friends. Ok so she is shy about having a friend who is male. Maybe she thinks it will upset me. I don’t have anything to worry about, right? She’s with me, says she loves me, wants to marry me, met the parents, been in her village, everybody knows me and “loves” me. I find out later what the details are.
Now it’s the last night in Khon Kaen…time to head back to Bangkok with Barbie doll to see me off at the airport, spend a couple of days with her old school friends and back to Khon Kaen for her.
Yes I love this girl, I want to marry her once she opens up a bit more and her English improves. That’s what I’m thinking. So off we go to the bus station and overnight to Bangkok. We find another hotel for our last day together. Once settled in we go out to the tourist temples in Bangkok and take photos. She seems a bit preoccupied. Slow to answer questions and starts to get on my nerves. But I drop it and we head back to the hotel. That night I want to speak to her about some things. It’s the last night before I head back and we need to talk. She doesn’t want to talk. She wants to sleep. She says if she not want to speak then not speak! This is a very bad sign. When a couple have an upset then it needs to be spoken about until resolved…and before going to sleep. It’s a rule for all successful relationships and marriages and worked very well for me in the past. I tried to reason with her about this but no use. I got frustrated.
Our last hours together before I get on a plane and she’s being like this. I asked her if she wants to finish with me (finish relationship) such is her bad attitude. Her answer: Up to you. Up to me? Up to me? What kind of attitude is that in a relationship? It’s up to us. If we want to make it. Not a one sided show. She refused to speak and goes to sleep. I was so pissed at this point. I wanted to walk out several times that night. At 4 AM I woke up and was ready to walk out. This wasn’t right. This was all too strange for me. She showed very little care in wanting to keep this relationship. But I stopped myself from leaving. I didn’t want to touch her that night. I didn’t want anything to do with her. During the night a few times she reached over and put her arm around me but I wasn’t returning it. She didn’t notice. In the morning when she woke up I was already sitting up and she sleepily reached over to give me a kind of rubbing hug while half asleep. Her first time. I was till pissed and then she knew it. We went through all the actions of getting ready, getting to the airport. Her asking for money when I was already going to give her some so she could get home etc. I could have given her 5000 baht but gave her 3000 and she was all smiles. She wasn’t sad I was leaving. I was. It was all a big game for her.
I left with mixed feelings. I loved her but there were too many unanswered questions. I needed to get them answered. I called her when I got back. Something had happened. She wasn’t in a good mood. She was in Bangkok and her parents wanted her to come home immediately. She didn’t want to but had to. I sensed there was more to it. She told me to call her on Monday (I was speaking to her on Friday). I asked her why Monday. She said I don’t know. Yeah, right. I gave her some space and called her on Monday. She was still very sad about something. I asked her what’s wrong. She said she was confused. I asked her what about? She said about family and about love. I asked her to explain and asked many questions, no answer, no answer, no answer. I then asked if she had a Thai boyfriend. Finally she answered: “not have”. Then she said she doesn’t want me to call her everyday. Only sometimes SMS. I asked her if she wants to finish with me. She said again “up to you”? This is crazy. I said actually no I will not SMS you. I will not call you. I don’t want a relationship like this. We are finished.
I tried to call a few times after that. There were too many unanswered questions and I started to piece it together in my head what was going on in her world. I sent her an e-mail saying everything I thought was happening. I said if you want to be with me you need to tell me everything. Stop hiding secrets.
Then I asked her who was that guy called you? She said she will not answer “not speak”. I kept asking her similar questions. Like, “do you like him?” Answer: little.
I had realized a lot was happening. I realized her parents wanted her to marry a farang. I realized that the guy who called her was a guy in her past who she wasn’t allowed to have or marry. I also knew but didn’t tell her that he had another gf or wife. I just knew it. But all she knew was she wanted a Thai boyfriend but wasn’t allowed to have one. I knew she met him before we met and after I left. It was killing me inside. I thought maybe she slept with him (later I found out she hadn’t) but spent a long time with him eating and looking around. He was working in Bangkok and he had been calling her nearly everyday for 2 years. They had met up in the past years ago and had sex but it was all secret and the family didn’t know about him. He works in Bangkok while she lives in her village. She loved him (and apparently me too). Yeah, right. No wonder she was so confused. She was hiding things from him and hiding things from me and couldn’t decide between us. I told her she should go to Bangkok and be with him and start a life with him. She said he would never be accepted in her village. This is so crazy I thought. She told me her whole life her parents said she would marry a farang and couldn’t have a Thai boyfriend. Well what happens when you tell someone they can’t have something? They want it even more. How can she love me when she’s being forced to love me? She can’t and I don’t want any part of a relationship like that. I offered to pay sin sot for him. She thought that was crazy.
I told her, her life is her own, she should control her own life and run away if her parents don’t listen. She said they would not accept her in her village again and she would cry everyday if that happened. Wow, holly cow. This is big. If my parents tried to control my life I would say good bye forever. How dare they try to do that. She could never really love a guy under these conditions.
I actually felt sorry for her. She could never take responsibility for our relationship because it was under orders. Her cousin and family chose me and told her how good I was and she went a long with it all. It was a game and it was following orders but it was never real.
I told her it was over between us. I asked her when she would tell her parents. She said after new year. 4 weeks away. Fine I’m gone. I didn’t call her for a few weeks and then I tried. Sent SMSs wanting to know how she s going and if she told her parents about it. I couldn’t get hold of her. I thought she changed her number to run away from me. She was scared I would tell her family about her secrets. Every time I tired to call her the number was not operational. So that was the end of her… for a few months.
I kept thinking about her even though I started communication with new girls. I would look at our photos sometimes and think why can’t I have my dream with her?
I worried about her and her control with her life. I didn’t care if she didn’t love me. I just wanted her to love whoever she wanted and wanted her to be happy. I still had the idea this Thai man was cheating on her. They only saw each other once a year. I knew he had other girls. Well, I was right. Her male cousin contacted me about 3 months after we split up (most likely under order of Barbie Doll’s Mother and then Aunt. He asked if I still loved Barbie Doll. Truth was I did and wanted to speak to her. I said but if she wanted to speak to me she would have found a way.
The family must have had to come up with a story to tell me to take Barbie Doll back and forgive her. He told me that Barbie Doll must have had some black magic given to her by that guy and they have since taken her to see the monks to fix it etc etc. I didn’t buy it but I still care about her and understand why she did everything. He asked if I wanted to talk to Barbie Doll. I said yes and he gave me her sister's number. Turns out when the family found out about her speaking to the Thai man they took her phone off her. So no one could call her and she couldn’t call him. But before that happened the Thai man’s wife called Barbie Doll and told her not to speak to him again. Barbie Doll didn’t know he was married and told her family and they took her phone and sold it as punishment. Now they had a plan to get me back together with her. You know, I thought maybe now it can actually happen. If she confesses everything and realizes that I am a good guy and can forgive her then maybe there is a chance with her again. Still loving her and strong sympathy and feelings for her I wanted to give it a go. Only she never made me want to drop other girls. No other girl made me feel like she did. No other girl made me want to speak to her exclusively. So I spoke to her. I asked her about everything and got all the information as above. But this time I tried to get her to admit her parents said that she can only marry farang. She wouldn’t admit it and just said she chooses me now. And Thai man no good etc. I half believed what she felt. So I decided to give it another go. But before I could move into the future with her I wanted to uncover all her lies.
Girls with secrets don’t like to look into the past and reveal their secrets. It was hard work getting all her lies from the past and it started to upset her. There were still more she didn’t want to let out. But I got most of them. I learnt everything about the Thai man. How she had known him for 5 years and started a relationship about 2 years ago.
She still had a bit of an attitude but I felt much better. I still had the dream to feel her love. She started to agree that I was a good choice. So I started again with her. I told other girls I was in contact with that I’m giving my ex gf another chance. After all isn’t that what I nice guy would do?
So it was good for a couple of weeks. Then she just seemed bored when speaking to me. I knew she wasn’t busy much and I knew if she wanted to she would find a way to get to her aunt's house to chat with me sometimes. But there were too many excuses. She is too lazy about communicating to me and not putting in the effort. I got sick of it and ended it with her again. I know what love feels like and I wasn’t feeling it. I was feeling, from her, a resigned acceptance that I was to be her husband, or something like that. I hate the idea of arranged marriages and that sort of thing. I will have no part in anything but real love.
I started looking for new girls since the then. I decided I would find a much better candidate that actually fit my criteria.
By this time I’ve spoken to about 100 girls in the past year. And befriended about 5… as friends only… and helped them with their bfs. I am very protective over my friends… and now they are the same with new girls I speak to. I know I have a group of friends in Thailand that I can trust. I have also befriended 1-2 of their bfs and helped them find ways to be together.
So what happened to Barbie Doll?
I saw her online a few weeks after. She was back at her Aunt’s house. I asked her what she is doing. She said she knows I don’t want to marry her and she knows I have another girl. She didn’t know. She said she came online because she has “free time” and wants to find “another one”. I didn’t say weather or not I had another girl. Just repeated a few times why she thinks I have another girl and why she thinks I don’t want to marry her. After a couple of times asking her she said she knows I don’t have another girl. Then she got annoyed and went home to her village again as though I just caught her cheating on me. It was her excuse to go online again (that she knows I have another girl). It’s strange because she never told me to go away ever. So maybe I’m a bit easier to marry since she already knows me. Too lazy to find exactly what she’s looking for in life. It comes back to her being able to take control of her life.
She told me if I don’t come soon she will go to her other aunt in Sweden to find someone who wants to marry her. I told her if you love someone you don’t say that and can wait any amount of time. She went away again and comes back and tells me she wants to study and then marry after she finishes. Finally! Something sensible comes out her mouth!!! I knew if I didn’t give up on her and kept communicating she would start talking sense. She decided (by herself) that she wants independence and wants to make a future by studying and later by work. Great! She never wanted to study before. So since then I have been guiding her towards that. Not promising anything. When she asked money for study I said I didn’t have it now, so she’s getting it from her parents. They are not that poor and can easily afford to send their daughter to Uni if they own a brand new Hilux, a couple of sugar farms, rice farms and an excavating business. So she’s getting ready to start and is actually happy for a change.
So I’ll go off and meet someone while she gets on with her life. And I’ll get on with mine. I couldn’t just leave it the way it was before. Her looking for some any old guy to marry. He doesn’t need that and either does she.
Why did her parents want her to marry a farang? After meeting them I realized they love their family and want the best for their daughter. They believed she would have a better life with a farang. There is also no ignoring the financial gain from their daughter working abroad. But they wanted someone she could love. Haaa… not possible when being forced to love someone.
I have someone else I want to meet now. Someone who’s been honest and open from the start. Someone who can show interest and love very easily and maybe even cuter than Barbie Doll. Certainly cute enough for me J I’m holding my breath until I meet her.
One thing I’ve learnt from speaking to over 100 different girls is everyone is totally different. There are similarities but I only judge people on an individual basis. My 5 good friends are all totally different too. As well as the gold diggers and bar girls. I’ve spoken to 4 bar girls online each one very different.
I wouldn’t marry a bar girl. I could, but the lack of integrity that lead them to become a bargirl and their required dishonesty for their job is enough to keep them out of my criteria.
You were in love with your own image of what you wanted her to be, not what she was. When you said things like you wanted to marry her when she became more passionate and when he English improved, you were not in love with the real her, were you? This was a relationship that was doomed from the beginning. Unrealistic expectations with a lady who was just too young to settle down.