Stickman Readers' Submissions April 29th, 2008

The Science Of Attraction And A Question Of “Spec”

A good psychiatrist would doubtless have a field day with me if they ever got me on the couch. Like most red blooded males, in the deepest recesses of my subconscious resides a miasma of sexual aberrations and perversions.

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I have always claimed the difference between a pervert and a sensualist is a trip to Thailand. A visit to the land of vertical smiles can assuage the desires of all but the most depraved. Despite my assertion I am a sensualist I can probably no longer
deny I am a mildly perverted and an unreconstructed self confessed monger.

I actually wanted to be a conventional sex maniac but failed the medical.

My particular peccadillo is not anything particularly exotic like furry handcuffs, Katoey breakfasts or Germanic practices. I must confess even indulging in that popular pastime of engaging two Thai girls in what Union Hill describes
as the Siamese waltz holds no great attraction to me anymore.

I obviously do not include my penchant for photographing Thai ladies in West Bromwich Albion football shirts (small youth size) as a perversion; I consider this a perfectly healthy activity as pure and wholesome as mom’s apple pie.

My inclination is for desperate frustrated women, not in the Thelma and Louise mode but in the context that they have not been sexually serviced for some time and are absolutely gagging for a portion of Hampton.

As you would expect they are as rare as hen’s teeth or an honest politician but if you can find one the undertaking is wonderful against which even the undoubted pleasures of the conventional Thai Girl Friend Experience putting toothpaste on your
toothbrush palls into insignificance.

I accept it is difficult to perceive of Thai girls going without sex for any length of time. Young Thai women are highly sexed little creatures who would no sooner go without sex than go without food, and we know how unlikely that is. In the P4P scene
the majority of bar girls undoubtedly have a Thai husband or boyfriend in the background they are supporting. It is also well documented by Chiang Mai Kelly and others that bar girls will utilise the services of bar boys (Thai male prostitutes)
with impunity. I have had personal knowledge of bar girls who save the money earned from their horizontal endeavour with farangs to finance a good servicing from a Thai bar boy on a regular basis.

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If circumstances prevent them having a boyfriend or they go more than a few days without a customer and can not afford to pay for a bar boy they can become quite frantic. They resort to spending time in solitary self abuse auditioning the finger puppets. When it is quiet I have observed girls in bars in Sukhumvit and Pattaya slipping into the toilets to type on the gusset keyboard. I recall one or two visits in low season I have been likewise used as a substitute for masturbation by bargirls
who hadn’t had a customer for a few weeks. I felt used as a sex object and it was wonderful.

However there is a subset of Thai womanhood principally in their 30s and 40s who for reasons of culture it is not easy for them to find decent Thai men (who are chasing young pussy anyway). This includes widows, divorcees, educated M925 (Ms 9 to 5 workers),
yellow shirts and women of reasonable means. They do not have easy access to male prostitutes by virtue of location and in a rural environment it is either an anathema to them or is difficult to hide. They are often reluctant to encourage
younger Thai men as they consider them lazy opportunists merely after their money. This presents a rich seam of attractive, interesting and unshagged Thai ladies waiting to be tapped by an enterprising fellow.

To date I have visited Thailand 8 times and am about to embark on trip number 9. In early visits I initially confined my pleasures to good honest mongering among the P4P ladies in the salacious sois of Sukhumvit and Pattaya. However in recent trips I
have been developing new avenues for my modest debauchery, principally through dating sites like ThaiLoveLinks. I have also developed friendships with Thai girls living in the UK who have subsequently introduced me to ladies in Thailand. I now
count many lovely M925 ladies amongst my circle of acquaintances.

I have recounted many of my experiences with these wonderful ladies in previous submissions. nevertheless they are worth repeating as the pleasure derived from these encounters surpasses anything experienced with P4P girls and I always get a little rubbery when I recall them.

Most notable was my nurse from Roi Et with a body like Madonna’s in her “Hung up” video whose carnal exertions brought her menses on two weeks early and almost put me in hospital. Then there was Emily my delicious
government health officer from Udon with a dithery bit so sensitive the merest flick of the tongue sent her into ecstatic apoplexy. I recall Anna my Ayuthaya angel with the delicious long legs that seemed to stretch into infinity. Not
forgetting Paulette my Siracha shop owner who at 45 still had a djim with a grip like a freemason’s handshake. Interestingly the one thing they had in common was they all sported an unshaven mudgeon. Whereas all the bargirls
I have encountered shave or trim, the respectable ladies I know all remain decidedly hirsute with a pussy like a bear trapper’s hat.

The more perceptive amongst you have already recognised my ramblings are merely a vehicle to air increasingly colourful and outlandish metaphors as well as the excuse to slip in a few superannuated gags for good measure. I get most of my quips from the old jokes home, a charity I subscribe to. If I did not take these hoary old yarns out at frequent intervals those poor unfortunates would sit forgotten in nursing homes trying valiantly to keep warm by the light of a meagre fire kindled with health and efficiency magazines from the 1960s. Otherwise they would be wandering the desolate streets or hanging aimlessly around public libraries waiting for the chisel featured librarian to throw them out. (Or is that my life I am talking about? I get confused). So before you complain about the age of my jokes remember it is only me giving them a purpose and a reason to live.

Conversely in the past four years my reason to live has been my biannual visits to Thailand. The contrasts of my abject failure with western women with the relative success I encounter in the kingdom are well documented.

It is therefore understandable considering the schizophrenic nature of my existence that I should be curious regarding the issue of human attraction and in the vagaries of what attracts or repulses one person to another.

My current muse was impelled by the recalling of an incident on my visit in November. Following a rather extended drinking session in the environs of Soi Cowboy, Union Hill and I find ourselves in Soi 33. As we enter one of the artists bars we are immediately
joined by two delightful farm fresh fillies neither of them taller than 4’11”. On seeing us the mamasan approaches Union Hill and apologetically remarks” I am sorry Khun Hill but I have no ladies to your “spec” in the bar tonight”.
His reply “well we will just have to struggle along with these two sweeties then” amuses me even now.

I had come across this word “spec” used several times in Thailand but had not fully grasped its meaning. I had heard girls describing a friend as being “farang spec” if she was a dark Isaan girl implying that
specifically western men found her attractive. Union Hill enlightened me explaining it was effectively the specification for a companion that defined one's type or usual taste. It inferred everyone had a particular type of person we are invariably
attracted to. I know whenever I enter a bar with Union Hill and Phil we tease each other that we can accurately predict which particular girl we will select.

Whilst I can accept this to an extent I am not completely convinced that my tastes in females fully conform to a particular type, or ever did.

In my previous life before I married (at 29) I had fornicatory relations with 36 women. (A 6 hour delay at JFK airport Pan Am terminal some years ago without a book to read prompted me mentally making the list merely as a distraction to break the boredom).
I can not recall any discernable characteristics in common with any of these girls. In my youth I was completely ruled by little brain. I was the very embodiment of the truism a standing dick has no sense of discernment and any
hole is a goal. Conversely I have no recollection of any of these girls feeling any attraction to me other than mutual youthful lust.

The highlight of my carnal career was on holiday in Tenerife in 1979 when Playa de Americas had one hotel and Los Christianos was a fishing village. Two air hostesses from Britannia airlines kept me incarcerated in their hotel room for three days merely
for their base sexual gratification.

I was finally carried back to the airport in a bucket.

In my last year of college I was the sexual plaything of an older lady of 35. She lived just around the corner and whenever she had an itch to scratch she would phone me and expect me to immediately come around irrespective of the time of day. Like most
young men I was in a state of permanent tumescence and would always comply without complaint or hesitation. My overriding memory was she would never let me kiss her or touch her and she never wore panties. It was always straight to business; moist as a mermaid's face flannel she would mount me without ceremony as soon as I crossed the threshold of her house. I saw her a month ago. She is now in her 60s and still looked in trim but fortunately she did not recognise me. I certainly couldn’t handle it now; I need
more notice and a little help and encouragement to get the lead in my pencil from 4B to 2H these days.

The last experience before I married was with the daughter of the landlady at my local pub. 25 and recently widowed her husband was hardly cold when she had all the local lothario sniffing around her. I was not interested myself. I did not care for the
competition and I didn’t fancy her anyway. After a couple of months of her rejecting the attentions of most of the studs in the district she phoned me up one evening and asked me to come round to her apartment. Curious I did so to be greeted
at her door by the young lady in sexy lingerie complete with stockings and suspenders. Obtuse as I am even I could not fail to see the invitation, so without further ado I lifted her on to the kitchen table and administered a reasonably competent
seeing to. It was quite disappointing for me however she had an aperture like a gashed gumboot and pussy lips like Ghandi’s sandals.

In the post coital hiatus when she asked me why I was the only bloke in the pub who hadn’t chatted her up I realised she hadn’t fancied me but merely saw me as a challenge. I did not repeat the experience and never saw her again.

Within the year I was married and once married I went 20 years totally faithful to one woman until she divorced me in 2003.

In my study into the science of attraction I have encountered some interesting concepts. In previous submissions I occasionally include some reference to ideas my research has unearthed. This is to create the illusion I am a learned educated fellow rather
than the hairy arsed foundryman I actually am.

I also love to use new words I come across which I acknowledge is quite pretentious. I came across some fascinating theories of attraction; many are obvious such as the signals of youth, physique, and lightness of skin tone or height. Cosmopolitan Magazine
published an article stating that women are most attracted to men who are 1.1 times her own height. To put this into context a 5’6” woman is seeking a man at least 6’½ “which is not good news for a guy 5’7”.

The concept of Propinquity is interesting; this is the tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they often encounter. The more often a person is seen by someone the more pleasing and likeable that
person appears to be.

Koinophilia refers to the tendency to favour a partner not to have any unusual, peculiar or deviant features <Dana, that counts you outStick> and would prefer they have a prevalence of common or average

Social skills play a big part in attraction. The Scheherazade effect refers to the tactics used by ancestral women to appeal to a man's conversational skills in order to keep them around. A cursory perusal of any dating site there
will always be a mention of the need for a sense of humour. But it is clear that a good sense of humour has a different meaning for women than it does for men.

When women look for a sense of humour in a man, they're saying: show me what you've got and entertain me. But when a man looks for a sense of humour in a woman, they're saying; she laughs at my jokes, she must think I'm a great bloke.

Whilst all this is fascinating it fails to fully explain my experiences in the past few years. I recall seeing a Germanic guy standing by the pool of the Nana Hotel last visit clearly waiting patiently for his teerak to join him. He had
a magnificent physique toned by hard physical work rather than work outs in a gym. Late 30s with rugged good looks and tousled blonde hair he was an Adonis and I was curious to see the wonderful creature this impressive man had attracted. When
she arrived she was a very plump and plain Thai lady who looked at least 20 years older than him. However the way he danced attendance upon her left me in no doubt he was besotted with her. There is clearly no accounting for taste.

Is falling in love a mere obsession or is it a clinical condition?

In my visits to Thailand I have shared intimacy with over 40 delicious delightful examples of Thai womanhood but the only woman I can honestly say I really care for is Nat who I have now known for over four years and features in all my Brokenman submissions.
I can not fully explain my attraction for her. She is not a traditional Thai beauty being somewhat on the chubby side and if you looked up contrary in a dictionary there would doubtless be a description of her. But she is the
only woman I have loved in 10 years and the only woman I can envisage spending the rest of my life with. When I first met her in back in November 2003 I knew I was lost.

I must confess I have a penchant for Soothsaying and have consulted several fortune tellers over the years. Many of them have stated I will find love and marry a short, moody, dark skinned, dark haired woman born under the sign Virgo, from a hot country.
My most recent readings suggest this is relatively imminent. I recall one alleged clairvoyant saying she could tell from my aura I have difficulties with women, to which I replied “you could tell that from my ugly mug”.
Another on reading my palm suggested I had great talent as a writer which is further proof one should also take much of this with a proverbial “pinch of salt”.

I prepared this missive just as I was about to fly out on my latest Siamese sojourn. I have plans to meet up with my old pals Phil and Union Hill on my first evening as usual but in addition anticipate being joined by Foster, Fanta and Sick Water Buffalo. I am also meeting Bangkok Barry sometime in my first week. I also have plans for dinner with Jodi and BKKSW the following week.

All in all I predict I am in for a very interesting trip this time.

As you are reading this I foresee I will have just returned from my latest sojourn and am penning the report of my adventures; the Brokenman Is Repaired Part 9, as we speak. As usual watch this space.

Stickman's thoughts:

Very nice, as always. You've lived an interesting life, not quite Chiang Mai Kelly level interesting, but fun nonetheless!

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