“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (21) and (22): Farang: It’s Songkran. Hide your wallet!”
(Author “My Friend Yu – The Prosperity Mentor,” Copyright August 2007. Pantejo – Y.N. Vurce Publishing.)
“Prosperity: The eternal flow of all that’s good in life…”
*Below is the twentieth episode based on a series of real life events experienced by the author. The only deviations from the truth may be the names of people and places. These stories are also incorporated in “My Friend Yu – the Prosperity Mentor: Book II,” Pantejo – Y.N. Vurce Publishing. Release Date: 2008.
This is my second Songkran in Thailand. And the same thing is happening. Ex-girlfriends, women who have contacted me once or twice in the whole previous year, call me up with stories of crisis and emergencies.
It started during Songkran 2007…
Three weeks before Songkran 2007, I broke up with my first “real” girlfriend in Thailand.
– Noot –
She told me her name was Noot when we met. Months after we broke up, I learned that wasn’t her real name. We had been living together for about six months in an upper class condominium complex in Rangsit.
It was clean, had two aircon units, two balconies, a living room, a bedroom, a mini-mart and restaurant in the lobby, cable TV, internet café, manicured grounds, a good security staff, washers/dryers, adequate parking, and friendly management.
And, of course, it was expensive.
While we lived together, I taught English at the nearby, prestigious government High School Monday through Friday. Monday through Thursday nights, I taught adult English classes at Future Park (in one of the many language schools located throughout the mall). On Saturdays, I taught another adult English class at a local international school. The pay was too good to turn down.
Why was I working so much?
First, I didn’t want to spend any of my military pension while I was actually “living” in Thailand. For vacation? Yes. While living here? No. I wanted to see if a foreigner could, indeed, live comfortably in Thailand with only the money earned in Thailand.
Second, I love teaching and the novelty of teaching English in Thailand had not worn off yet. Granted, the High School students were pretty lame and unmotivated, but the adult students were great to teach.
Lastly, as this was my first girlfriend in Thailand, I was totally unaware of how much support (and gifts) I was responsible for. Consequently, I gave her outrageous amounts of money and some very expensive gifts.
– The Beginning of the End –
At about the four month mark in our relationship, I was beginning to wonder if it was doomed. I was just beginning to learn Thai and she did not speak English (even at the rudimentary level).
The lack of communication was strike number one.
During the next two months, I noticed other things happening. She played the head games that I’ve come to realize are the norm for so many young girls in the LOS.
She was a spendthrift, totally reckless with the money I gave her. She spent enormous amounts of money on all things trendy and feminine. She never saved any money. I guess she thought I was a limitless ATM machine.
Her lack of money skills was strike number two.
She was also a slob. Oftentimes, after coming home from my THIRD job, I would end up cleaning the condo, washing the dishes, or doing laundry.
She spent endless hours on the phone while the TV was on, both aircon units blasting at max levels, and playing on her PSP.
Why did I ask her to move in? Well, she was beautiful, caring, and sexy. I suffered from the common Thailand Rookie Syndrome: I let myself get blinded by beauty and sex.
Of course, her nymphomania was cured soon after moving in. The sex became less and less as the months went by.
(Granted, when it [sex] did happen, it was great, but I had this nagging feeling that it just wasn’t worth the rest of the bull$hi+.)
– Strike number three, she’s out! –
As I grew more and more fatigued from overwork and irritated by her antics, she became more and more demanding. The dreaded family emergency and guilt trip stories became more frequent.
The last straw came when she and her female friend (from two floors up) were watching TV in the living room and it was approaching 1:00AM. Their chatter and the TV’s loud volume were keeping me awake in the bedroom.
Why is silence so deafening to Thai people?
I politely asked her friend to leave and explained that I was working early and needed some sleep. The truth was that I also wanted some sanook, sanook.
After the visitor left, I turned off the TV. My girlfriend looked shocked, as if I had just shot her mother! She began pouting.
Looking at the blank TV screen for a minute, she let out a loud exhale. Then, while doing a pretty good “about face” (for a civilian), she gave me a fake salute and went into the shower.
In spite of the sarcastic gesture about my military background, I thought, “Great, she’s getting ready for me.”
I waited for her to finish showering and wondered if I was, indeed, being too militaristic and controlling in our relationship. Even after five years of retirement from the U.S. Military, I still had vestiges of the lifestyle manifest now and then (usually when I was angry or stressed out).
But after assessing our live-in history, I brushed any thoughts of being a tyrant aside. I gave her much, much more freedom than most partners (Farang or Thai). I didn’t pry into anything I considered none of my business – although, in hindsight, I should have!
I provided her with an “allowance” that was larger than all her friends in the same situation. In fact, her monthly expenses were more than the monthly expenses of two average-sized, middle class Thai families put together!
I was always respectful, responsible, and affectionate.
All I asked from her was companionship when I was home, friendship (i.e., to have fun together – anywhere: at home, at restaurants, malls, cinemas, etc.), partnership in daily living (meaning: to share in the housework and daily errands), a little financial responsibility (e.g., no squandering of money), and a healthy, regular sex life.
What did she do while I was working so much? I don’t know. All I know is that the longer we stayed together, the more I felt that she was not willing to do (or possibly, not capable of performing) the most routine tasks. It was disappointing and frustrating.
I heard the shower stop.
Anticipating a nice romp in the sack, my mood changed instantly. She was always one of the best women in bed that I’ve ever met.
The combination of her young, curvaceous body; smooth, fair skin; shiny, jet black hair that cascaded down her back; exotic face; and angelic smile, was hard to beat.
I had never seen a woman with such a full, firm bust and butt, on an otherwise fat-free body, before. Her waist-to-hip ratio blew my mind. I have always described her bust as “unbelievably Hide-n-Seekable” and her waist as “tiny, just three palms wide” to my Farang friends.
As the bathroom door opened, I saw her step out with a towel wrapped around her waist. Her upper body was fully exposed and still glistening from the shower water. The cool air from the air conditioner had the desired effect (pencil erasers standing at rigid attention – Woo-Hoo! Thank you God.). The light behind her produced a full-body halo that made her look like an angel sent from above – just for me! Jeez! She was so beautiful!
I leapt off the bed, grabbed a bath towel and hung it on myself (guys, you know what I mean). Doing a “drive-by” sniff kiss on her neck, I skipped into the bathroom like a little kid.
True to convention, it was now my turn to bathe. I had already showered. But, for the girlfriend’s peace of mind and comfort level, I quickly showered again.
But when I came back to bed, she didn’t acknowledge my presence, rolled further away, and pretended to fall asleep.
I was having none of this! I pulled her to me and said I wanted some. She acquiesced, but instead of the usual raucous, loud, playful, and raunchy sex – the unbridled sex that made me feel decades younger when we met, she did the starfish routine on me. Uncharacteristically, she lay there motionless – like a beached starfish. I was so pissed-off that I didn’t even finish!
Thinking things over, maybe I was asking too much from her, especially after throwing her friend out of the condo?
Oh well, I decided to forget it and try to go to sleep. I moved to kiss her goodnight, but she copped an attitude and turned away.
Mai bpen arai (whatever, no problem), I whispered – to her and to myself.
But I could not go to sleep. The totally lopsidedness of the relationship was making me feel like a fool. I couldn’t see any way to turn this lose/win relationship into a win/win.
– Tossing and Turning –
I thought about all the things that I had been trying to forget. I thought about her extended trips home (supposedly to Cambodia). I thought about all the money I was throwing away on her. I thought about her late night calls to her “brother.” I thought about our continual state of miscommunication. I thought about her sloppiness. I thought about her attitudinal changes about me and about sex. I thought about being tired all the time from my multiple jobs. I thought about how she threw away money on stupid things and on her friends. Then I thought about how little I asked of her.
How dare she cop an attitude on me!
At 4:00AM, after tossing and turning for almost three hours, I sprung out of bed, grabbed a large, black (clean) trash bag, and began to throw her clothes in it.
Apparently, the girlfriend was not asleep either. Without a word, she got up, took the trash bag from me, and continued packing her clothes. I went to the balcony and watched her pack her belongings while I smoked outside.
She called and woke up her friend. Ten minutes later, both of them were packing up the soon-to-be ex’s remaining knick knacks, toiletries, and stuffed animals. She packed up the PSP and her Nokia N72 cell phone (gifts I bought her for her birthday). Then she picked up the Sony camcorder I bought for the both of us for Christmas, put it down, and looked at me. I nodded a “yes” and she quickly packed the camcorder into her brand name, oversized shoulder bag too.
Then, without a fuss, they left. Amazing.
It was about 5:15AM – too late/early to go to sleep. I had to get up at 6:00AM anyway. So, I just made a cup of coffee, smoked, and thought about what had just happened.
I knew it would be rough. I was so used to her being around. I knew I would miss her, but I couldn’t live like this. I’d had enough. It was for the best. And with that thought, I actually felt relieved.
The next day, she and her friend came down to my room. She motioned that she left her toothbrush in the bathroom and immediately stepped in and went to go get it. I watched her. She went into the bathroom for maybe three seconds. For the next ten minutes she poked around the rest of the condo, supposedly looking for her toothbrush.
I knew what she was doing. She was looking for another woman (or evidence of another woman). She couldn’t believe that a man would break-up with her just to be alone. <Classic sentence this. Yes, Thai women seem pre-programmed to think that a guy cannot live without women – Stick> In her mind, it JUST HAD to be another woman.
Search unsuccessful, she started to leave my condo sullen. Clearly, she had prepared herself for a cat fight and now there was no one to fight.
I touched her shoulder and said “Kao tot na kraap, tee rak (Sorry, darling). Lar gone (Good bye). Choke dee (Take care).”
Saying, “Mai bpen arai,” she left with her friend.
– They NEVER go away for good. –
I didn’t hear from her for about three weeks. I was beginning to think I’d escaped the hassles and horrors that usually accompany breaking up with a girlfriend in Thailand.
But then the inevitable happened. Noot called me and said she was nearby and wanted to “talk.”
Although suspicious, I said “Chai, tee rak” (yes, darling). I honestly was missing her everyday since she left. The only thing that bolstered my resolve was the constant flirting of almost every other woman in the vicinity of my condo.
Of course, my numerous forays into Bangkok “eased the pain” quite a bit too!
When Noot arrived (one hour late) in the taxi, I left the lobby, jumped in the cab, and said, “Bai Daddy’s Home, kraap (Go to “Daddy’s Home,” a modern, foreign style restaurant, bar, and karaoke that I like – located near Future Park)” to the driver.
The driver was confused. Obviously, he thought he was taking his customer to see a Farang (foreigner) at the high-class condominium complex. Since I am Asian, the driver looked at me and assumed that I was a Thai man.
Noot asked for the taxi driver’s cell number and said to wait for her call. She didn’t realize that I’d spent the last three weeks intensively upgrading my Thai skills and now understood most of what she and the driver were saying. The driver could tell that I understood and was visibly uncomfortable.
Noot was oblivious. She declined the offer for dinner, drinks, and karaoke at Daddy’s Home. She got out of the taxi and headed straight for the lobby of my condo.
The driver asked for 350 baht! I said “Tam mai (why)?” He said that it was a long trip. So much for the truth. Noot said she was “glai” – short word (meaning: nearby), not “g-l-a-i” – long word (meaning: far)” when she called.
I looked at the taxi meter. Of course, it wasn’t on. I said, “Mai dai! Pang maak! (I can’t! It’s too expensive!)” We settled on 200 baht – still way too expensive, but I had other, more immediate issues to deal with (meaning, Noot in the lobby without me).
– Halt! Who goes there? –
She got to the front desk before me. An argument ensued and the staff physically blocked her from going to the elevators because they knew that she was not my girlfriend anymore. When I finally caught up with her, I told the security staff that it was okay.
Noot looked furious and upset.
The taxi debacle had me extra paranoid. In the two months of being “girlfriendless” (my first two months in Thailand), I already knew – from many painful experiences – the makings of the ole’ “hit and run” scam when I saw it. I wasn’t going to be a victim again.
Too bad. The con games, lies, callousness, and outright exploitation of kind-hearted, honest men, so commonly seen among Thai women (whether in “The Game” or not) was the main reason why I chose to have a regular, live-in girlfriend.
As an aside, I am not saying that men are always the victims.
The biggest reason there is so much distrust between Farang men and Thai women is the temporary nature and reciprocal callousness of most Farangs.
For Thai women, a kind-hearted, honest man (Farang or Thai) can really be hard to find.
Furthermore, the double-standard held against women in Thai society allows men (both Farang and Thai) to generally fool around on their wives and girlfriends.
Thai society always blames the woman for unsuccessful relationships.
It [Thai society] lays the fault of any broken relationship squarely on the woman’s shoulders, not the man’s. No matter the reason for the break-up, everyone assumes that she wasn’t a “good enough” woman to “keep” her man. Too add insult to injury, now she will be viewed as “used goods,” and will most likely be shunned by all Thai men.
With all these things hovering over Thai women, I can see why they are “the way they are.” Most are just protecting themselves from the emotional pain, public shame, and financial ruin from a temporary relationship with a fly-by-night Romeo.
Knowing the above, it’s no wonder why most Thai women want to keep their boyfriends from meeting their families, friends, and colleagues (keeping them totally secret) until eminent marriage is secured.
The repercussions from a break-up can often be devastating and have long-lasting negative effects on the rest of their lives (e.g., huge loss of “face” for the woman and her family; and now that she is judged as “impure” by Thai society, any future “sin-sot” – the dowry given to the family of a Thai bride – automatically diminishes or vanishes altogether).
– Turn on/off tears –
In my room, I asked Noot why she wanted the taxi driver’s number – wasn’t she going to stay for awhile? Surprised that I understood what happened in the taxi, she remained silent for a few, long seconds. Then, as if on cue, she burst into tears. Trembling, she laid her head on my shoulder. (I hate it/love it when women did that.)
Yes, the tears were real, but I already knew how she could instantly perform an academy award-winning scene at will. Her histrionics amused me, but I wasn’t buying into it for even one second. I swear, she must have been a soap opera star in a past life!
She told me that she missed me, but had to go home for Songkran. And, of course, she was broke.
She said that if I give her money to go home, she would come right back to me – if I wanted her to. She kept saying that she loved and missed me over and over again.
I said that if she loved me, she would not have done so many bad things to me.
She said she had changed and would be a good wife now.
I said that I was sorry, but I do not give money to women who do not live with me.
She continued to sob, wale, and convulse. I went to the bathroom to get some tissue. While in the bathroom, I realized that the beers I drank while waiting for Noot were now screaming to leave my body. As I stood there relieving myself, I could hear the rustling of bags in my bedroom.
Not wanting to give away when I was coming out of the bathroom, I didn’t flush the toilet, and quietly opened the door.
The bedroom was empty. When I went into the living room, I saw Noot hurriedly stuffing some hats and shirts we’d bought during our last shopping excursion into some large “Lotus, Robinson, and Central” shopping bags. She looked totally guilty. I said, “Mai bpen arai, tee rak.”
While she turned on the tear faucet again, she pleaded with me for “go home money.”
I stood my ground.
– Cruelty is Sexy? –
When she finally realized that I’d changed (I’d actually grown a set of balls while she was away), she stopped begging. Then I saw that familiar look on her face and in her eyes. She was horny! Can you believe it? My obstinacy was turning her on! She jumped onto me, wrapped her arms and legs around me, and starting to passionately kiss me!
As Noot began unbuckling my belt, I couldn’t help thinking that this must be why Thai men get away with so much abusive behavior? Some Thai women think it’s actually sexy! Weird.
Anyway, I didn’t give-in. I wanted to. Believe me, I REALLY wanted to! But I knew what the result of all this would be. After some (probably great) sex, she would ask for money again. And then what was I supposed to do?
Nope. This wasn’t going to happen tonight.
I bit my lip, peeled her off me, straightened my clothes, and said that it’s best that she go now. Maybe she had enough time tonight to find another sucker, I mean “friend,” that would give her money to “go home.”
Stoically, she grabbed her bags and left.
I smiled and waved to her from my balcony as she got into the taxi. (That would be the last time I would see her).
Then I went to the bathroom and flushed the toilet.
I knew I did the right thing, but it didn’t help.
I felt like I was swallowing my heart. A lone tear crept out of my left eye, traced itself down my cheek, dribbled off my chin, and in slow motion, plopped into the bowl.
Thai women. They have a kind of magic over us, don’t they?
Grabbing another beer, I went back to the balcony, smoked, and shed a couple more tears of self-pity. But within seconds, a comforting thought entered my mind. This is THAILAND! Hot and cold running women abound!
I looked into the starlit sky, thanked Noot (aloud) for the good times and hard lessons learned. I sincerely wished her a nice life. Then I felt a smile beginning inside. It started in my heart, radiated throughout my body, and before I knew it, I was back to my old self again – ready for all the exciting things to come.
“So many more adventures ahead,” I whispered to myself.
Beer and smoke finished, I immediately got ready to go out…
– Update –
A whirlwind of women have come and gone since last Songkran. Some were quite memorable. Others are better left unmentioned.
Why do I remember Noot and Songkran 2007 during Songkran 2008?
Well, it just so happens that among the dozens of women calling me this year (for Songkran money) is Noot. She called me today. With her pheromone-laced voice, she said that she wanted to meet me and just “talk.”
Feeling nostalgic, I said, “Chai, chai, tee rak.”
(I admit it. I’m such a sucker).…
“Until next time, find ‘The Flow’ and jump in!”
Your Friend in this Intrepid Journey called Life,
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Farang, Thailand, Songkran, call, SMS, girlfriend, ex, sexy, cruelty.
Note: If you want to read more about Asian and Western cultural differences, finding unconditional love, exorcising past personal demons, Universal Laws, and the Illusive Secret of Happiness, please read the following articles:
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’: From Heartbreak to Happiness”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (2): Coincidence or Synchronicity: FROM RELAPSE TO MIRACLES…”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (3): LOST AND FOUND – Kindred Spirits and Mistakes made in Haste.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (4): LOST AND FOUND – Meant to Be?”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (5): “The Stray”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (6): “New Beginnings, Old Endings”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (7) – Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Myth”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (8) Living Well? Farangs and Finance: The Reality, Stupidity, and Hard Knocks.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (9): New Girlfriend, New Life.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (10): Farangs and Asians – Polarized Views.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (11) – Farangs: In (or considering) a long-term Western/Asian Relationship? Read This Now!
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (12) – Farang: Square Peg, Round Hole? Compatibility Issues.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (13) – Farang: Compatibility Issues II”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (14) – Farang: Tipping the Scales. Good or Bad?”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (15) – Farang: Interpretation of Your Results.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (16) – Farang: Make Your Scale Sway or Walk Away.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (17) – Farang: Further Interpretation. Lopsided Scales.”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (18): A Good Tilt with a Bar Girl?”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (19): Another Good Tilt with a Bar Girl?”
“Experiences from ‘The Flow’ (20): The Good Tilt – Enhancing your Compatible Relationship.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path: Guardian Angels and Universal Laws.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (2): Trying too hard?”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (3): First, Be Effective.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (4): Intend. Be Certain.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (5): Why me or why not me? Your choice.”
“Alternative Notions of Life, a Different Path (6): Gratitude – What’s Your Perspective?”
“How Dare She! Out of Desperation I Learned How to Forgive”
“Remember Who You Are!”
“Need to Heal Your Broken Heart? Read on. Overcome Heartbreak and Learn the Illusive Secret of Happiness.”
“Simple (and Priceless) Life Lessons from the Most Influential Prosperity Mentor in My Life – My Father”
And much more!
(By Carl “J.C.” Pantejo and published internet-wide, keyword: [title of article] or “Carl Pantejo”)
Enjoy them, my friend.
About the Author:
He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.
In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water. He went to Thailand 2 years ago for a week’s vacation, fell into a teaching job, and has never
Carl “J.C.” Pantejo
Founder, Y.N. Vurce Publishing
He is a retired U.S. Military veteran. Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an A.A., B.S., and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic. In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he free-fall parachuted out of airplanes and performed diving ops in very deep, open ocean water.
She sounds like exactly the type of manipulative, conniving bitch that you're better off without.