Having just returned today from a four day journey up north I thought I’d share some separate things that happened that might be of interest. I traveled by myself with the plan of seeing Lampang for a few days, but as I always do in Thailand I
remained flexible. I ended up with only a single night in Lampang before heading up to Chiang Rai the following morning for the rest of the time.
HIGHWAY POLICE – Their new shiny maroon cars have Highway Police clearly stenciled on them in big bold gold letters as do the patches on their spiffy new uniform shirts. New signs have been put up by the roadside in Thai letting the public know they’d be setting up speed traps and other enforcement procedures and that you’d be able to pay your fine on the spot, or rather expected to. I hit the first speed trap right before Uthai Thani on Highway One. I was going 102 km/h when the sign clearly said 80 km/h. After the events of last week I had my radar detector mounted on the windshield and it let me know I was being clocked. The slowest cars on the road were going in excess of 100 km/h+ so I went just a bit slower than the slowest and was pulled into the speed trap anyway. I now knew that in the future I’d have to go right at the posted limit to avoid the trap. Pulling up to the friendly Highway Police Officer he asked me where I was going, and leaning in the window showed me two fingers and mouthed the words “song loi baht”, and smiled big when I handed him the 200 baht under the window sill. He told me to be safe and directed me back on the road. As I drove away I noticed the Thai drivers were all being written real tickets.
THAI DRIVING SKILLS – Someone once asked me if Thai people are crazy. I replied “Not all, only the ones who drive.. “ After 600km’s on the road in one day I think you’d agree. Very few if any Thai’s actually physically turn their head and look before changing lanes, and even if they look they’ll pull right in front of you at 60 km/h if you’re going 120 km/h! Speed differences are not taken into account and either is the ability to brake. Highway One is a big three lane highway, yet you’ll see drivers on the shoulder going against the flow of traffic! Motorcycles still make appearances and will dart from the center divider, across all three lanes of traffic, not caring at all if everyone has to heavily brake to avoid them. Pickup trucks will be going down the road with the tailgate dragging on the ground because 12-15 people will be in the rear eating, sleeping, or even peeing over the side. I was amused to watch one young boy right behind the cab whip it out and start peeing and see the dozen or so behind him throw up their hands in front of their faces as the wind deposited it evenly on all of them.
HJ’s 500 BAHT, SEX FOR FREE – It took me about four hours from Bangkok to Lampang. I decided to try out the Pin Hotel as they had “Deluxe Suites” for 850 baht. Everything was aged and worn, but nice enough and I unpacked some clothes and took a shower and called the front desk for a massage. A pretty if heavy young lady of 25 appeared and proceeded to give me a nice traditional Thai massage, 300 baht for two hours. Not bad for a “in your room” service. About 45 minutes into the massage, the part where they switch from your legs to your arms, the young lady informs me that she only charges 500 baht for a hand job. Before I could respond she then tells me we could have sex for free! This happened not too long ago in Chiang Mai, but I was still surprised to hear the offer again. I asked why the HJ is 500 baht but sex would be free? She responded: “HJ’s are “work” and guys don’t tip well for a HJ” “Sex is fun and I can choose to do if I like the guy, and if I say for free I’ll often get 1000 baht tip or better!” I asked “what if the man doesn’t give you a tip?” She replied “I only do it with guys I want to do it with.” That made sense, so I really pushed and asked how many guys she’d done this with so far? “You’re the first farang. Thai men I charge 1500 baht because they never tip!” It appears she had her business plan all figured out.
THE WANGCOME HOTEL, CHIANG RAI – The next morning I barely managed to avoid two more speed traps on the approximately 250km’s from Lampang to Chiang Rai, and didn’t avoid the third. I was only going 77 km/h going through their traps but I was pulled in anyway and the nice and polite Highway Policeman informed me I was going 122 km/h! “Song loi baht krup?” Two hundred baht lighter I proceeded into Chiang Rai and checked into the Wangcome Hotel. This is perhaps the nicest hotel in Chiang Rai, well equipped, comfortable, helpful staff, and a decent American breakfast is included in the 1800 baht per night fee. Room service even had decent western food at not so outrageous rates. I found it interesting that the parking lot attendant was renting out parking spaces at 20 baht per car, and didn’t have a space for a paying guests car! No problem as I’ve learned how to handle such things. I parked right in front of the door, locked up, and left the key with the desk manager telling her that the parking lot attendant “sold” my parking space to a guy getting a massage across the street. She looked surprised when I dropped my key in her hand and asked her to personally park my car when a space opened and bring the key to my room.
After my work I returned to my room, showered, ordered some food, and watched television for the rest of the evening. Hearing a lot of hooting and hollering going on outside I looked out the window and noticed the massage place across the street was doing a brisk business at 0100! This isn’t your standard massage club, instead this is a small traditional Thai massage place. It appears that after 2200 many very nicely dressed “massage girls” show up and sit outside where they’re approached by “customers” who bring drinks, visit with them, and then take them on what must be long walks around the neighborhood. I saw a lot of couples leave for their walks, but no one returned. Curious I went down there to see if I could order a massage in my room. The lady charged me 200 baht for two hours and asked for my room number. 15 minutes later a pretty young lady of 22 knocks on my door and proceeds to give me a great massage. Right when she switched from the legs to the arms she looks at me and smiles sweetly and asks “Oil HJ 500 baht”, giggles and then says softly “Or sex for free if you like me.. “ Must be a regional technique..
THAI POLICE CHECK POINTS – Business in Chiang Rai concluded I head back to Bangkok early Friday AM after a hearty hotel “American Breakfast” of fried rice, left over Thai noodles from the night before, and powdered
orange juice. The checkpoints heading north are always empty, but heading south they’re manned and everyone gets pulled over and asked a few questions. This particular “act” has been tried on me three times this last month
by male police officers at these check points so I thought I’d bring it up here. Sitting behind the string of cars waiting to be waved through I have the window rolled down, my drivers license ready, and my arm on the window sill. The polite
police officer usually asks if you speak Thai (in Thai) and then asks you where you came from, where you’re going, and ARE YOU MARRIED? Three times now I’ve had these “officers” lightly caress the hair on my arm with
a big smile on their face before waving me through. This happened twice today, and the last guy even reached in and pinched my waist! I’ve never been selected to be pulled over and the seats removed and all that for a more extensive search,
but the arm hair caressing is starting to worry me. What if this was at night and no one else was there? Do you think they’ve watched the movie “Deliverance?”
CORN ON THE TOUR BUS – This episode was the most interesting to me. On the way back, right out side Lampang, I stopped for gas and while they were topping off my tank with diesel I walked over the ATM to get some cash. A tour bus had pulled up and a stream of tourists had piled out and there I was standing behind two nice looking American girls waiting for the ATM. One girl was about 5’5” and 110, nice golden tan, ash blond hair, really nice teeth, and a clear complexion, nice. She was dressed in short shorts that showed off nicely tanned and shapely legs with a tank top and no bra to hold her C-cup breasts in place. Her friend was a few years older and pretty much a copy of the younger one though not quite as pretty. Unfortunately her nose stud distracted from her overall appearance.
The younger one tried her PIN number twice and had it rejected and asked her friend if she had her mobile phone. Her friend said it didn’t work in Thailand so she had it in her suitcase. I was shooting them some rather annoyed looks so they were considerate enough to offer me the use of the ATM while they discussed PIN numbers. After getting my baht I told them I had a mobile phone in my car and they were welcome to use it. They didn’t look interested so I went back to the car to pay. Just as I was being given my change the Thai attended looked over my shoulder and there was the cute one waiting for me to finish. I opened the door and handed her the phone and saying “CLIT” out loud she then noted which numbers the C L I and T corresponded to. Realizing she said it out loud she looked up a bit embarrassed on hearing my laughter. She smiled and handed the phone back, said thank you, and just as she was turning to walk away I had a thought. “Where is the bus taking you?” Ekkamai Bus Station in Bangkok she replied, and said that they’d catch a taxi from there to their hotel. I said I was going that way and wouldn’t mind giving them a ride and would enjoy their company since I was traveling alone. She gave me car a careful look, looked at me again, and asked if I’d mind waiting while she asked her friend. I pulled over to the 7-11 and went inside for a Pepsi and when I returned both young ladies where standing there with suitcases and big smiles!
We loaded up their suitcases in the back and the young one took the front seat being careful to put my DSLR camera and long lens in her lap as she fastened her seat belt. I usually keep the camera up front with me because in Thailand you never know what you’re going to come across. Soon we’re driving down Highway One and I’m listening to them tell me about the German guy who kept trying to pick them up for the last six hours and even put his hand on her leg when she dozed off. She woke up with his hand creeping up the leg of her short shorts! Then we heard about the English guy with gas, the Thai guy with smelly food, the crazy bus driver, and soon I was almost regretting picking them up for “company…”
Finally they asked me what I did and after telling them they asked if I had any samples of my work. I told the older one in the back that my laptop was in my knapsack and to take it out and boot it up. Soon the young one was turned towards the back seat as both of them were taking a good hard look at some modeling sessions I keep on that laptop for samples. It didn’t take long before “do you have your equipment with you?” I replied “one camera is on your lap” and they both laughed. They whispered together for a few more minutes and then the young one, who I’ve learned is the brave one of the pair, asks “can you do our pictures like that?” I told them I needed to get back today and didn’t have time to stop for a nice hotel room, besides I said I didn’t have my portable light system with me as this last job was all outdoors. They looked disappointed but let it drop.
During this time I’m thinking the young one at least is very good looking, and the older one would be nice enough if she brushed her hair in place and removed the hideous stud from her nose. Finally I said “If I can find a suitable private place outdoors I can try some shots and we can see how you like them?” Both turned towards me, talked to each other, and said that sounded great. The next 30 minutes were spent with all of us on the lookout for a suitable place to stop. This was all rice farming territory and I really didn’t envision them tromping through muddy rice paddy’s without clothes. Suddenly we passed a sign that said “Ka Pang Waterfall 2km’s ahead” and soon we’d turned of the highway and were following the rare sign towards the waterfall. The good news is that we seemed to be the only car going there, the bad news is that it was a lot further than 2km’s! It was almost 12km’s off the main highway by the time we pulled up to the top of a mountain to a viewing area which surprisingly had a grass lawn area, a picnic table, and a viewing area for the falls which appeared to be dried up this time of year.
The girls jumped out of the car and looked around for a restroom and I realized I needed one too. This place was deserted! The restrooms were locked and I said I was going in the bushes and walked over to the bushes. They went to their own bushes and from a distance I could see them squatting and relieving themselves! When we finished I opened the rear hatch of my SUV and opened the camera case and put an appropriate lens on the camera still not sure if they were going to go through with this or not. They started asking where they could see the pictures and if I was really a “real” photographer. I gave them each one of my cards and told them if they emailed me later in the week I’d link them to a private gallery with the shots we would take that day. Satisfied they started primping each others hair and makeup and both took some Thai silk pieces from their bags. Moving over the grass lawn area we started with some head shots to get them comfortable.
Ten minutes later they were in their panties with the silk pieces around their shoulders posing together, then without the panties, then without the silk pieces. The young one had a flawless body, not a bit of fat and no stretch marks or any other imperfections. Her smile showed perfectly white teeth and hazel colored eyes. The older one had a bit of a flap on her stomach, but over all had bigger firmer breasts and had a lot more confidence in her posing. Several times I mentioned that removing the nose stud would make better pictures but she wanted to leave it in. Then an interesting thing happened. The older one looked at me and said “would you like to take our pictures together?” I must have looked puzzled because we had been taking their pictures together, because she replied “We’re not gay, but sometimes we share the same bed..” This started an entirely new set of pictures!
An hour later we were all back in the SUV heading down Highway One and both girls had dozed off. Amazing Thailand! Four hours later I dropped them over on Khao San road where they said their hotel was and wished them an enjoyable time in Thailand and reminded them to email me for a link to their pictures in a few days time. Driving away I couldn’t believe how this trip turned out, 500 baht HJ’s, free sex, gay policemen, and two pretty corn girls from my home country.. I was going to end it here, but 20 minutes ago while writing this submission I received a SMS asking “Karen and I would like to thank you for the ride by buying you dinner tomorrow night?” Only in Thailand..
Until next time…
Sounds like you had a great trip.