Stickman Readers' Submissions March 27th, 2008

The Story Of Madam Baht Cart Part 4


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I am not sure how but I managed to convince Fred to call off the heavies for a while so that we could sit down with a coffee in McDonald’s and discuss the problem. Fred turned out to be a very timid character. Timid but determined. He reached into
his bum bag [or whatever you call those things you strap around your waist] and produced a photo album, the small type you get from the developers. Had I have not been sitting I would have fallen over. The photos showed Fred and Nam in all the
stages of their marriage ceremony. I was stunned. But also amused because Nam had chosen for her wedding dress the blue cocktail frock [remember] I had given her and around her neck was the one baht gold necklace.

It took some time for Fred to stop crying, only for him to start again when I promised to set his wife free. I am all heart, easy come easy go. In return he promised to call off the heavies. What a deal. Of course I was true to my word and hurried back
to our happy little family and told them all to pack up and get the hell out of there. No excuses, no explanations, no contrition, no tearful farewell. They went.

End of story? Not so.


With Nam and extras removed from the scene it was back to basics. Golf, drinks, assorted company in the evenings, some of whom I woke up with in the morning. They were mostly the female of the species although there were times I wasn’t quite sure.
I changed apartments at this time, new start, you know the deal. To say I did not miss Nam would be lying. She was attractive, attentive, humorous, good in the cot but I suspected that she was not entirely truthful. Why would that be?

Roll the clock forward almost a year. I am shopping in Mike's Department Store one day and who do I see at the lingerie counter [only one guess allowed]. Yes you are all correct.

How are you?

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I’m fine.

What you do?

Shopping, How is Fred?

He go America we finish now.

Ching ching?

Loy percent.

Now you are all in front of me, of course she shifted in that same day, and life was good. We soon had a comfortable thing going; she did the washing, ironing, cooking and cleaning as well as taking care of my carnal needs. For my part I played golf,
drank and supplied enough baht to look after the family in Chaiyaphum. To supplement her income she began to do the laundry for some of the other residents of the condo, very industrious our Nam. During this period there were no missiles whizzing
past my ears, no sudden attacks as I walked and no heavies threatening me with violence. I was as happy as a pig in poop.

Several months passed and everything was going well until…

Friends of mine had arrived from overseas, husband and wife combo. It was agreed that we would entertain them. The plan was a nice Thai meal and to follow some drinking and dancing at the Bamboo Bar. On the day I played golf with the husband while his
wife shopped and indulged herself in a beauty salon. I was locked and loaded ready to go at the agreed time but Nam was dragging her feet. Halfway through applying her makeup and it was time to leave. I reminded her of the time and she reminded
me that Days Of Our Lives Thai style still had a half an hour to run on the TV. Stupid me. To think my friends were more important than Thai soaps. We reached a compromise. I would go and she would follow as soon as the episode concluded. It was
a marvellous meal.

My friends kept asking, where is your lady? The drinking and dancing was excellent except for the odd, where is your lady query. I was saved from further embarrassment when my guests claimed to be worn out after such an exciting evening, what lovely people.
I returned home to an empty nest. Could I sleep, could you? At around 2 AM there was a knock on the door. Who could that be?

O.K. you are right again.

Where the Fxxx have you been?


What the Fxxx have you been doing?


Pack your bags and Fxxx off,

What about my money? [You have to admire them. They never lose focus] TBC

A Dana Fan

Stickman's thoughts:

I would have kicked her out at the "the soap still has half an hour to go stage"!

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