Stickman Readers' Submissions March 17th, 2008

Happy Valentine, My Lovely Wife!

My lovely Wife,

He Clinic Bangkok

Happy Valentine’s Day!

But I will never understand why I always took good care of you. We were always so happy when I visited you in Thailand over the last 1.5 years. 5 times, totaling 3 months. You know I will always be back for you. You know we will have a great future, a future where you won’t have to work your old “job” and where we will be happily married in my country. A future we both want. A marriage on paper, not Thai style without.

After the first time 1.5 years ago, I realized that I could only be happy with you. I need a person who wants to enjoy life. I knew that you could not do so in the past. I changed my ways; it was new to me to turn my life upside down, selflessly, for someone I just met. I told my wife I would divorce her. Of course, she and I had some problems, and I think my marriage was getting boring, but at least it was comforting to be with her; it was easy, but not good. You know already that part of the decision to divorce was also due to the fact that I met you and I sooo much wanted to be with you. Because I found my soul mate. And so did you. I still remember seeing you cry a few days after we met for the first time. Then we cried together. Because I was married, and I was not sure if I would or could see you again.

CBD bangkok

Then one year ago, I chose to take care of you and your family. I wanted to give you a good life, not having to go out with customers anymore (we both know how much you hated it). I decided I will learn your language, your culture and start to prepare our future here. The language and culture part is quite easy for me, since you know that my best friend and his brother in Farangland are both half Thai, and the brother married a Thai (bar)lady; you know them a couple of years already, back from the time where you still had to work customers. Slowly but surely I told all my friends about my new girlfriend (not mentioning the fact that you were a bargirl – they would simply not understand, because they are “clean” Farangs).

You were so happy because you knew you wouldn’t have to work anymore; to go out for money, that is. I knew you were bored just to stay in your room in BKK, or with your family in Isaan. So after our lengthy discussions, when I was sure you would never go out for money anymore, I let you work in the bar again (when you didn’t have your long holidays in Isaan). As a bartender, like before. You were happy to have some fun in your life, waiting for me and my lengthy divorce process. And me, I was very satisfied, because once more I could give you something you wanted. Which you appreciated. I always want to be a husband for you who will not deny you anything.

“Yes honey, I know I not good girl before. I am sorry. But you have to forget about before. Maybe I am not good girl same your wife, because I have to go out with customer, I need money for eating nit noi and give to my family.” – “Never mind, I can deal with your past. I know why you did it; I appreciate your care for your family, not caring about yourself. You have to know: One can not change the past, but the choices you make NOW will change your future.”

On my second-last 4 week visit to Thailand you told me on the second day (without any reference to our previous conversation) with a cute smile and dreamy eyes “I am very happy I have the easy life now. Thank you so much.” – you saw my tears were rolling down my cheeks, and you know why: because you just told me the nicest thing you have ever said to me. I knew I was doing a “good job” of making you happy

wonderland clinic

Oh those damn embassy guys in BKK. I know it was not pleasant last summer to go there to apply for a tourist visa, which would have made it possible to visit me in my Farangcountry. They declined. We tried 2 times, and then the decision was final: You would never get a tourist visa for my country. Ever. They simply didn’t believe your story. And you know that my best friends (the two half Thai guys) ran around to check anything on the internet, translating documents to Thai for you so you could understand the procedures. They are your new family, including the brother’s wife. You are looking forward to meeting them, which makes me very happy, because they are not simply my best friends, but I consider them to be my family.

You had to learn that it takes some time in the West for a divorce to go through. In my case, nearly 1.5 years; Thai style is more like going to the divorce office (or whatever the name) and sign. Done. “Don’t worry honey, I can waiting for you forever; but not 2010 na? hahahahappy” A few weeks ago, my divorce became official. Just a couple of days before I visited you the last time (arriving in BKK on Valentine’s Day as a gift for you; oooh the hustle with my boss to leave during a working week) I received the judge’s final letter regarding the divorce. I called you on that day, and we both knew this is the (second) final step for us to get married and life a happy life.

Even though I was upset by the embassy’s decision to reject your visa (because you could not make a “test visit” to my country before we will go one step further), I knew that we still have one last resort: getting married for real. This is what we will do this summer 2008, since now I am ready in legal terms. And all my friends and family know we will get married soon. Even though they might not agree or understand, they give us their blessing because they just want to see me (and you) happy

Yes, I call you almost every day from Farangland for 1 hour and a couple of messages; I guess that’s around 300 hours of conversation and at least 1000 SMS. You appreciate it, because you could feel I am still there – maybe not physically, but spiritually. As soon as I would not call, you would immediately investigate what’s going on, getting worried; on my side, I would hurry back home after my tiring job (you know, the job about “stock market, same same like buy company and then go up and down”), just so I could quickly push a sandwich down my throat so I would be ready to call you once more – including stomach-ache from the dry sandwich.

I am happy to provide for everything in your life; not just the 28,000 baht per month you had on average in cash (including the 50k for the renovation of your old farmer’s house) plus the 100,000 sin sot last October (I could still slap myself for paying that much; I should have argued with you a bit, but it is more important to make you happy (rather than insisting on my wishes) that you had a son, come from low class, are not a virgin anymore, and working the bar for some years), or the gold I bought for you several times. Or the eye surgery I paid for; you were not sure about this, but you learned that your eyes are very important and are now both the same, and you will not be blind in 10 years (“I am is scared the operation, but I think good when have the pretty eye, and healthy”). I know you never had enough money to take care of this. Because every penny you didn’t need for not starving, you would send to your family.

You are very ‘naam jai’ (generous) to your parents, not caring about your health or well-being. I know if I give you 15k every month, you would send 10k to mum; but if I give you 100k, you would still just keep 5k. I had to learn this (the hard way). “Honey, you know, I love you so much because you take good care my family. I am happy I meet somebody naam jai like you.” Happiness all over my face, even though it cost me around 500k baht the last 14 months, plus the travels to see you, totaling in an additional 1 million baht in flights, hotels, many gifts, interesting trips and good meals for you (som tam) and me (anything will make me happy, as long as I can eat it looking into your eyes. My financial support of you and the possibilities you have, you know this not bad at all for a 31-year old guy, and is something you never experienced before. And you know I never did something like this before for anybody else.

All the laughs we had, the hour-long discussions in the hotel room, and all the special places we would go when I would be there, places you never saw before. It was so romantic, and I felt like I never did before – correction: I feel like I never did before. All you could ever wish for from a man, I could and would give it to you. I know, because I can feel you are happy with me like you have never been before. Being a gentleman and relatively ‘hansum’, being naam jai to no end, trying to read your wishes from your eyes, being a good listener, asking how ‘my’ (your) son was and buying gifts for him, I do not know what else you would have desired. “Nothing”, you say, because you know I already do everything for you. My gift for you is that I changed my life to give you a future without worries, but full of happiness.

happy Valentine’s Day, my wife, I love you. We are so happy

I know you are the one for me. And you know I am the one for you.

We both found our soul mate.

But I will never understand why…

why one month ago did you go to the hotel with another guy?



This is my true story which happened to me in the mentioned timeframe. I met her on my first trip to Thailand in August 2006. Visiting again in December 2006, I bought her a diamond ring and put it on her finger on the rooftop of the Banyan Tree at New Year’s Eve, promising her I would take care of her and make her my wife. You should have been there. The sheer happiness glowing in her tear-filled eyes.

I am quite sure it is not obvious that my wife-to-be and I actually DO have an extremely deep bond. It is something everybody we know can see. I know she loves me the same as I love her.

I am naturally a forgiving, quiet, ‘greeng jai’ person. But also I have limits. And this limit was reached when I found out on the day after Valentine’s Day. Good bless a certain mobile phone maker, which implemented a log function in her cell phone. So I could find out her communication numbers, dates, time, in or out, call or SMS, even though she deleted all relevant Contacts, SMS and Calls. She still doesn’t know how I could find out using her phone after she deleted anything.

Following Valentine’s Day, on this “confession day” 15.2., I was shouting at her, saying how she could leave the room, leaving all her stuff with me, all the stuff I have bought for her: Designer clothes she could have never dreamt to own before, and the gold, leaving her with an old yellow “King Monday” T-Shirt, old shorts and old shoes. For the first time, she heard me shout.

She was very sorry, going on her knees, crying and wai-ing to me like I am her personal Buddha, asking for forgiveness. I told her in her next life, she would be a frog. We called my “brother” in Farangland, and she apologized to him and his family. Even her mom wanted to apologize to me on the phone the day after (I ordered her to tell the whole truth to her mom). My wife-to-be got a lot of yek-yek from many sides, including her family.

She received a good slap. Not because she went short-time once around 5 weeks after we got married in Isaan (last November), and not because she met the same guy once again for short-time just 3 weeks before my Valentine’s trip, but because she did not use a condom for the blowjob the first time.

Oh yes, I know all the details. The first few days, I felt like I want to constantly puke, when I was not crying. I know which hotel. I know about the blowjob. I know which country he’s from and what his cell number is. I know the exact date and time of the second short-time. And I DO know her email password, where I found interesting emails from during the last time, when I was in Farangland. I am not a masochist, but I just HAD to know EVERYTHING, because I knew I could only continue seeing her if I knew 100% of the story. She went short-time two times, once when working behind the bar, and once, when she already stopped working this January.

She will never forget those few days in the beginning of my vacation, and neither will I. Very bad things have been done and said. I was on the verge of going to a bar and f**k some ladies while she would be watching, but I decided that this is not my style. I did not want to hurt her like she hurt me. And she appreciates this (non-)move very much.

I forgive her (already 95% happy need some more time than just 3 weeks). I continue to prepare our future. Why?

Because she is my soul mate, come what may.

To describe the magnitude of the feelings involved – in both our hearts and other facettes and subtleties (including bad stories about a certain house and certain SMS to other (male) “friends”), is nearly impossible. It is sufficient enough for me to know that my brothers understand my grief.

Any advice for you guys who plan to really get involved with a bargirl?

– as soon as you decide to take of her and her family, make her go home (Isaan in my case)

– check her phone log from time to time if possible (better to be safe than sorry)

– it helps if you are not married, if you want to get serious, because the lengthy divorce process in the west is not exactly helping to build a new future quickly

– forget about her business before. I had to learn this myself; I know for certain that my lady hated to do what she had to do (even more confusing, why she would go short-time cheating on me when she clearly doesn’t need the cash etc).

There are good girls in the bar scene. You will definitely be surprised that after this bad story, I still consider her to be one of the very few good girls. Because she is my angel, my soul mate. She is innocent. And I know she loves me. She made a mistake (or shall I say two), and she regrets what she has done.

I forgive her because I know this will never happen again. Even though today (back in Farangland and her FINALLY in her Isaan hometown by my request with a new mobile number) I still think about this crap story from time to time.

And sometimes, just before it starts to tear my heart apart, I take a deep breath and tell myself “One can not change the past, but the choices you make NOW will change your future.”

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Mannee

P.S.: …and leave your hands off my wife! 😉

Stickman's thoughts:

I wish you very well with your lady and hope the good times (?) continue. Sounds like you have out yourself through a lot of hurt with this lady. I hope it is worth it. If it was me, I would have cut her loose long ago, but that is me. We are all different. Still, I do find it hard to understand why some guys really do seem to continually punish themselves…

When the trust has gone I truly believe it is time to walk away.

nana plaza