Readers' Submissions

An Ugly Bloke’s Story

  • Written by John McCoy
  • March 3rd, 2008
  • 11 min read




Firstly, a bit about myself. I’m 36, I went to Oxford and I used to work in the city with 500 people under me. I am now self employed. I lost my virginity at 16 and have had a succession of model type educated girlfriends. I have been to Thailand several times for holidays but not to see bar girls.

Why am I telling you this? Because it’s a complete fabrication reserved for those moments when asked about my recent holiday to Thailand or when you meet a group of people down the pub and someone decides it would be a good idea to recount the moment each person lost their virginity.

The truth is that I am 36 and did go to Oxford, I had a very nice day out there. The job in the city with 500 under me was as a grave digger (joke). I am truthfully self employed now after a lot of hard work and thank my lucky stars every day that I don’t have to play the workplace politics game. I didn’t lose my virginity at 16, it was a lot lot later than this and although I can remain anonymous on this website I’d still rather not say how old I was.

Due to the fact that I can remain anonymous I will tell you that I do go to Thailand for the sole purpose of seeing as many bar girls as possible. That is not my real name at the bottom of the submission although the email address is mine and active if you wish to make any comments.

God blessed me at 14 with a high sex drive and this has continued unrelenting to now when I am 36. I was also blessed in the trouser department with bar girls always comparing it with their thigh (ok, forearm, the same as the rest of you). The trouble is I wasn’t blessed in the looks department, some would say I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I am also tall and until recently, when I put on some weight, I was very thin and considered lanky.

The strange thing is that when I’m in Thailand I feel like Prince Charming. It’s not because the girls keep calling me handsome man but because I am surrounded by a lot of ugly suckers. Now I know it’s no one who writes these submissions because most state they have success with the opposite sex at home.

In addition I was extremely shy, although this has eased with age, and I got nowhere with girls. There were a couple of girls who showed a little interest but it’s extra hard work when you are not good looking and they don’t make much of an effort. I’ve seen the good looking blokes make no effort and get it offered on a plate and I bet the girls, when accepted by the studs, put on a performance. For the ugly bloke it’s hard work and if you are lucky you might get a star fish performance.

I have heard that men think of sex every 9 minutes. For me it’s more like every 9 seconds but what can an ugly bloke do about it apart from bashing the bishop. Here in England there are TJs on the street (TJ Hooker – hookers) but most are rough. There are private massage parlours but these can be expensive and you would need to travel to another town to avoid being found out.

Some time ago I started to hear stories about Thailand and was very curious. My first trip to Thailand was as a backpacker in 1995 (yeah, sorry I used to be one and I had long hair and hung around Khao San Road). I spent most of the time travelling around the south and having little money did not sample the delights of the local bar girls as much as I would have liked. I always vowed to myself that I would go back to Thailand with a bit more money. This desire was further strengthened when I spoke to a friend about his recent trip to Thailand. The one thing that sticks in my mind was his account of the body massage (soapie) he’d had. He explained what she did to him, getting him all excited and then asked him if he wanted extras. I’ll always remember his reply, "If you carry on like that for five more minutes I won’t need any extras". My mind went into overdrive imagining myself in that situation.

This opportunity came in 2002 when I booked a flight to Bali with Garuda International. I had always loved surfing and wanted to surf in Bali. The flight had a stopover in Bangkok and I arranged the flights so that I would spend a week in Thailand and a week in Bali. I booked it up 5 months in advance and was so looking forward to it until a month before I was due to leave when a friend rang me and asked if I had seen the news. I switched on and there was the news about the Bali bombing. I was so disappointed.

Fortunately I got a full refund for the flight and booked a return Thai Airways flight to Bangkok for 10 days. My intention was to have as much fun as I could for those 10 days with as many of the bar girls as possible to make up for lost time. I was a bit naive in those days and on my first night went to Patpong not knowing about Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy. I was in one bar with a girl either side of me, having bought them lady drinks, when I saw three English lads. They were obviously English from their football shirts.

I started talking to them and they said if I wanted to make my money last I shouldn’t buy so many lady drinks. They said they were going to another bar and I could join them, which I did. This turned into several more bars and lots more drinks. In each bar they would ask the mamasan for the bar’s business card on to which they wrote the numbers of the girls who took their fancy along with a score out of ten. They said that at the end of the evening they would go back to the bar with the best girls and bar fine them.

Anyway, we went from gogo bar to gogo bar, getting very drunk and ended up in a really small bar in Patpong 2. I wondered why we had come to such a quiet bar with no dancers when I saw cut outs in the bar. I was just thinking to myself that I had read about this bar on the internet when a girl came up to me and unzipped my trousers. I won’t go into detail but what followed was the most extreme pleasure I had ever experienced up to that point in my life. I know, from other submissions, most of you, if you are telling the truth, have no trouble getting Western and Thai girlfriends but I do and have never experienced something so pleasurable. I know some of you also find this seedy, which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your point of view, but I was lost in the moment.

My three new friends were all having trouble due to the amount of drink consumed so were taking their time. Having finished I was sitting at the bar drinking my beer when another girl came over and I just couldn’t say no. When all was done and the bills paid we went outside. The three English lads were going to Pattaya the next day and I was going in two days time so they gave me a mobile number so we could go for a beer. I didn’t keep the number because I thought I would bump into them in one of the bars. I assumed Pattaya would be the same as when I visited in 1995 with a few small areas of bars. It was a shock when I finally got there and it was wall to wall with bars. I never did bump into my new friends.

That was my first night in Bangkok and on the way back to my hotel I thought I’d have a nice relaxing massage before I go back to sleep. I chose one of the massage places with lots of recliner chairs and western women customers so it would be just a relaxing massage with no extras. Anyway, I was whisked upstairs, stripped naked, given a massage along with extras. So much for good intentions but I wasn’t disappointed.

Two days later I went to Pattaya and experienced what I had thought about for years, a soapie body massage. I made my choice and we went to the room. From speaking to others it seems that a lot of you like the super slim girls, around 50kg. <Hehehe, super slim in Thailand usually means about 50 kg!Stick> I’m different, I like them with a bit of meat on them, not fat but curvy and my choice was curvy. She was an angel, could speak English well and would sing while running the bath and clearing up. She did the business and I kept thinking to myself that I’d died and gone to heaven. I saw her the next day and she was so pleased that I went back to see her that she put on a better performance than the day before.

For the 10 days I was in Thailand it was pure ecstasy. The most memorable girl was Noi (name changed) from a gogo bar. As soon as I sat down in the bar she was there and the closeness, her smell and the sensuality of her dancing just drove me crazy. I took her home and she just took me to heaven and back, it was like a dream.

I always kept my distance though. I had heard about the scams and that they were only after your money. I worked with a really nice fellow in Hong Kong for a while and he had really heavy stubble even though he had just shaved. In the middle of both his cheeks he had a circular area where there was no stubble. One day I asked him about this and he said it was as a result of stress. He had a Thai girlfriend and she gave him so much grief and she cheated on this really mild mannered gentleman who always treated her well.

There are many definitions of love but for me, it is not getting married at a particular time in your life out of societal and family pressure. It is not stifling and manipulative to make your spouse conform to normal married life and it does not involve rewards for ‘good’ behaviour and the withholding of love for ‘bad’ behaviour. Contrary to what many think, sex in exchange for money can be considered true love. A fair and equal exchange or what someone has for what the other person wants. As long as they are not forced into it and both are treated fairly and with integrity.

Anyway, following that first visit I have been back 5 more times, one of these visits was with my brother and his friend, and I always had just as much fun. Although I keep my distance there is one girl, not my normal choice because she weighs about 50 kg and I like them curvy, but she chose me and her smile did it. I have had a couple of experiences where the girl was, to me, stunning but wouldn’t smile and the result was not a relaxed sensual experience. This girl could be described, by many submission writers, as different. We’ve all used this expression but it’s difficult to define. Someone you just click with, someone you immediately feel comfortable with and, of course, someone you fancy like mad. To others she seems like any other girl but to you she gets your pulse racing, there’s a spark and intuition in what you both do and say.

I continue to keep my distance and do not send any money but the desire is there to go back and see her even though on all my other trips I never saw the same girl twice (ok, more than three times). I also make a point for all the girls to act like a gentleman. I always treat them courteously, take them for a meal and follow the bar etiquette of not bar fining more than one girl from each bar etc. On one occasion I barfined a girl and she seemed really keen until we got near the hotel and looked decidedly unhappy. I said she could go home if she wanted which she did with a few baht in her purse.

That’s my story, an ugly bloke's story. I make no apologies for why I go to Thailand although I would lie through my teeth if asked in person. In the past I could only have dreamed of spending the night with a sexy girl. The highlight of the year was catching a glimpse of a sexy girl in a strapless top on a summer’s day. Now I see naked girls dancing and can choose any one of them. For me, it’s heaven.

All the best to you all. Thanks Stickman for a wealth of information on Thailand

John McCoy

Stickman's thoughts:

You are exactly the type of customers the girls like the most. Treating the girls with respect and trying to have a good time.