Stickman Readers' Submissions February 2nd, 2008

A Good Christian Woman

Sometimes we meet someone so extraordinary, so unexpected, so ‘different’ from the norm.. we’re left with an impression which lasts a lifetime. And if we’re lucky a little bit more. Folks, pull up a chair because I’m going to tell you the story of Jaeb, a good Christian woman and perhaps one of the most sexy women I’ve ever had the pleasure of placing in my viewfinder.. Jaeb is an accomplished scholar and a gifted musician. She started her education in Chiang Mai before moving to Bangkok and later to the United States for advanced academic studies. She fielded many offers to stay in America, though ultimately Thailand is her home and she felt her happiness and destiny were within the traditional boundaries of the Kingdom.

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Our first meeting was on a Thailand chat forum and quite accidental. At first I had doubts, her knowledge of expats, sexpats, and western tourists was so complete I halfway suspected she was a man pretending to be a woman. When she came right out and claimed to be “a good Christian woman” I was almost certain Mr. Donut was once again having fun at our expense. Still, I couldn’t help myself from asking ‘her’ questions and digging further into her background, because if she was a woman she could possibly be one of the most interesting women I’ve met in a great while.

It’s well known on this particular forum that I take the occasional nude photograph and very much enjoy preparing a complimentary portfolio for the hardworking subject, a portfolio most treasure during their most private of moments. Contacting Jaeb via private message I asked if she’d be interested in getting together for a chat. Not one to waste time she suggested we chat via one of the popular messengers to which we both already had accounts and for the next six hours we engaged in witty and very pleasant banter encompassing a short synopsis of each other’s lives. Before finishing that evening we made arrangements to meet the next day for lunch and size each other up in person. I remember her saying “I hope you’re not disappointed with my looks” and me replying “it’s ok, I have ‘rugged good looks’ enough for the both of us!” We laughed at each other’s vanity and said goodnight.

The next day I packed my camera equipment and lights in my car and set off downtown for Molly Malones. On the drive there I couldn’t help asking myself what this self professed ‘good Christian woman’ would be like, with her flawless English the night before and quick wit. I already knew “she was different”, but how much different I couldn’t even begin to guess. Curiosity got the best of me while driving so I picked up my mobile phone and punched in the number she gave me the night before. “Hello?” she answered.

“Hi, this is BKKSW and I wanted to let you know I’m on schedule for our lunch date.”

She asked “Are you driving?”

I replied “yes, why do you ask?”

She immediately comes back with “you moron, don’t you read the papers? Don’t you know there’s a new law and you’re not supposed to drive and talk on your mobile phone without a hands free set? You might kill someone!” Jeez I thought, this woman was busting my nads already and we hadn’t even met yet. Whatever happened to the typical sweet and demure Thai woman? Why did I get the feeling she wouldn’t be putting toothpaste on my toothbrush EVER?

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Anyway, I lied and said “I’m using a hands free set, what are you wearing so I’ll be sure to find you?” She instantly replied “Don’t you worry, if you weren’t lying about your ‘rugged good looks’ I’ll be able to pick you out myself!” Gulp!!! Me “Ok then, see you there.” I hung up the phone feeling just a tiny bit inadequate. This truly was going to be different!

Primping my hair in the window I ensured I looked my best before walking into Molly Malone’s and taking a quick look around hoping I’d arrived first. I had, so I took a table where I could see the entrance and sat there wondering just how big a mistake I’d made and just how “manly” she’d look. She was probably 6’5” and 450 pounds with enough strength in her meaty arms to clean my clock and good. Watching the entrance for this self-perceived Tom on steroids I ordered a coke and sat there covertly checking my hands to see if I was shaking or not. I was, damn! What had I gotten myself into? Across the room I saw a guy who looked a lot like Stick looking at me and then scribbling something in a notepad before looking back at me again. He grinned at me and mouthed “I wish you luck” and all of a sudden a cold sweat gripped me and I felt a single bead make it’s way down the middle of my back where I normally kept my spine.

Often when experiencing great fear you’ll develop a sort of tunnel vision, so I didn’t notice the slight figure in front of my table until she reached out and rapped her knuckles along the side of my head and said “Hello, ruggedly good lookin, my name is Jaeb!” Aren’t imaginations mysterious? She wasn’t tall or big at all! She was a tiny thing with flashing brown eyes and a pleasant face and she caught me totally off-guard. I checked her hands to see if she was carrying a thick hardcover Bible (or other weapons) and was pleased to see the only thing she was carrying was a small handbag that didn’t look like it could cause much damage. An awkward silence ensued for the next 10-15 seconds before she looked at me and said loud enough for everyone to hear “do men from your country hold the chairs to help seat ladies or were you born in the ME?” Crap! I quickly scrambled to my feet and held the chair for her as she gave me a cute smile and picked up a menu. Across the room I couldn’t help but notice Stick laughing at me and scribbling more notes. If I kept this up I was going to make his Weekly in the worst way.

Taking my own seat I hid behind my menu until my heart rate leveled off and quickly motioned for the waitress to take our order. Once I learned to behave as expected/directed I actually started to have a good time. Jaeb was very intelligent and quick witted and soon I found myself enjoying her company. I could have done without the “how many farangs does it take to screw in a light bulb” jokes, but first dates are seldom perfect right? Our food came and we enjoyed lunch, and sat there afterwards discussing where we’d do the shoot and what outfits and poses would be best for our theme. She asked if I felt comfortable about men’s briefs and I assured her I did indeed. She told me she’d brought some massage oil and asked if I was ok with the smell of coconut and again I assured her I was. This was going to turn out to be fun after all! Taking a better look at her I found myself thinking what she looked like without clothes and wondered if she was wearing a small matching bra and panty set.

Standing she called for the check, paid the bill, and looking at me said “lets get moving, we don’t have all day!” Suddenly I could feel my hands start shaking again.. Leaving Molly Malone’s we went to the car park and I noticed our cars were parked together. Opening her trunk Jaeb told me to get my camera gear and get in the passenger seat, we’d take just the one car. I suggested we use my car since the gear was already packed inside and was promptly told she had no intention of being at a disadvantage. If she didn’t feel things were going as she thought they should, she’d be able to leave anytime she wanted. This was a new twist, most girls I photograph don’t even own cars, much less insist on driving.

Leaving the car park she didn’t even blink as she headed towards Sukhumvit. I asked “where are we going?” She replies “it’s a surprise, why do you ask so many questions, don’t you trust me?” There’s that bead of sweat again, why wasn’t this going the way all my other shoots have gone? Turning on Soi 4 I was surprised when she parked right in front of the Nana Hotel. I must have appeared surprised because she looks at me and says “What? This is a decent hotel and they have short time rates. We should be able to make some decent photographs here don’t you think?” Shaking my head yes I gathered my equipment bags and ran after her into the lobby.

The receptionist appeared a bit surprised as Jaeb informed her we’d be taking nude photographs and would require the largest room available. Before I could set down the bags and retrieve my wallet Jaeb flashed a Black Amex card and now smiling said “Don’t sweat it ‘ruggedly good lookin’, I’ll pick up the room for us. Do you need a few drinks to calm your nerves a bit?” I’d swear she gazed at my crotch for a moment before turning to the receptionist and asking in Thai “can you send up some extra ‘farang sized’ condoms and a six pack of Coca Cola? Signing the charge receipt she picked up the key card and with a smug smile on her face directed me to follow her to the elevator. Turning she headed for the elevator and for the first time I was able to check out her compact rear end as it moved from side to side in some rather tightly fitted jeans.

Putting the key card in the slot she pushed open the door and started turning on the AC and lights as I put the equipment bags up on the dresser. Walking over to the balcony window she looked out and without turning to look at me said “go ahead and take your shower while I get things set up out here!” Well, I was sweaty and it was considerate of her to notice so taking a towel I headed into the bathroom and started a shower. Ten minutes later I felt a lot more relaxed and clean and with only the towel wrapped around me I noticed my clothes were missing from the bathroom floor where I left them! Walking out of the bathroom I could see where she’d hung up my clothes and laid out all my camera equipment and lights!

“Don’t worry” she said, “I hung your clothes up so they won’t wrinkle while we take the pictures.”

More than a bit surprised I said “I usually keep my clothes on when I take pictures.” All of a sudden she’s laughing really hard with a bemused grin on her face and standing there with only a towel around me I ask “what’s so funny?”

“Oh, you thought YOU were going to take the pictures?”

“No” she said, “I’ll be taking your pictures today and when I’m finished I’ll borrow your flash cards and process your pictures on MY computer and later we’ll go over the ones I think are keepers. Now be a peach Mr. Ruggedly Good Lookin and go stand over by the window so I can test the lights and while you’re at it lose the towel!”

“What denomination are you?” I ask.. All of a sudden this feels like a most excellent idea as the “Sleeping Giant” stirs beneath my towel. I think I’m starting to like this Christian woman! Moving over by the window I see her with the camera to her eye and can hear her say “drop the towel already and turn your butt this way while looking over your shoulder into the lens…” “Ok, don’t look directly at the camera, give me a half smile, and try hard to not block the view with your hands.. “

Until next time..

Stickman's thoughts:

There we are gents, the trick to meeting nice women is to offer to take their photograph!

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