The Nok Story Continued
Despite the fact, that I thought these files were closed for good after the events I described in this submission, fate had it that the story found a sequel and one I thought would be worth sharing.
Other than the dozens of other girls I wrote about in my submissions, Nok is the only one that I cannot easily classify to the genus hooker (containing the species, bargirl, freelancer and online slut). She works as a service employee in a well known and busy entertainment institution near soi Bua Kao. That's why from the beginning on I mentally put her on some sort of pedestal when comparing her to my usual Pattaya girlfriends and I am now not so sure if she deserved that at all.
It is only the man whose intellect is clouded by his sexual instinct that could give that stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped, and short-legged race the name of the fair sex; for the entire beauty of the sex is based on this instinct. One would be more justified in calling them the unaesthetic sex than the beautiful. Neither for music, nor for poetry, nor for fine art have they any real or true sense and susceptibility, and it is mere mockery on their part, in their desire to please, if they affect any such thing.
Being the first “good girl” I got involved with in Thailand, the relationship with her confronted me with various pitfalls and surprises I was simply not aware of yet, in contrast to my meanwhile well elaborated knowledge and experiences about bargirls. As my latest trip to the LOS unexpectedly came so soon after the one in September when I wrote about how things started with Nok, I used the opportunity to check out her surprised face when she sees the farang again which she probably thought would be gone for good after he managed to bed her. I really did not give her any hints or announce my return and if for some reason she had not had had time for me I was prepared to just take another option. But I was somehow intrigued with her and even though I successfully surprised my soi 8 hooker too (which after having had to turn her down resulted in more tears) I only really cared to spend more time with Nok. My intention to surprise her was a complete success and to see her reaction was priceless and was almost worth the cost of the flight alone. It soon became clear that she did not have any reservations whatsoever to spend as much time with me as possible (at least this meant no husband in town, I thought). I witnessed first hand the long hours she had to work, sometimes not less than 15 hours on her feet for 6 days a week which often left her annoyed and tired when she finally could go home and I really pitied her about that. At least this proved for me that she is prepared to contribute to her or her family's needs with honest work and doesn't simply expect pay checks for spreading her legs. It may be due to this somewhat wishful and do-good thinking that later on I would be left sadly disappointed.
Moreover, she is intellectually short-sighted, for although her intuitive understanding quickly perceives what is near to her, on the other hand her circle of vision is limited and does not embrace anything that is remote; hence everything that is absent or past, or in the future, affects women in a less degree than men. This is why they have greater inclination for extravagance, which sometimes borders on madness. Women in their hearts think that men are intended to earn money so that they may spend it, if possible during their husband’s lifetime, but at any rate after his death.
There were of course always a few question marks all over the course of our time together. For a start: why does she work in Pattaya. A “really” good girl simply would not work there, or? It’s clear that if nothing else she wants to at least increase her exposure to farangs. And then there were a few incidents which made me think that I might be taken for a ride here. For example during one of our first nights together she complained about how little she earns now compared to her previous job in a laundry. Why mention that in bed other than to provoke the reaction from the farang: let’s help poor little Nok out with a few thousand baht a month? Or when she had to take a sick day off she told me on the phone that now she will go to her workplace to pay for that mishap. Why go now? Why not pay tomorrow when she's going there anyway? Nothing else explains it better than that she must have thought I would step in with some baht (I thought about it as it would not been much at all but it’s just against any of my principles). These were however things which happened at the very beginning of our relationship during my previous trip and I was prepared to look over them to check out if there is not an honest and upright core in that girl. Nonetheless it shows that there was a sour taste about it all right from the start. Now, this time other than her still annoying reluctance to do certain things in bed (to this end I held myself a very passionate and enthusiastic mia noi – but again, I cannot feel the similar amount of emotion with a hardcore hooker) I was actually very happy with her for most of the time. There were some arguments when I lost patience with her lack of contribution in bed and she lost faith in that I would be really different than the other farangs which she sees changing girls daily (which I am not).
It is useless to argue about polygamy, it must be taken as a fact existing everywhere, the mere regulation of which is the problem to be solved. Where are there, then, any real monogamists? We all live, at any rate for a time, and the majority of us always, in polygamy. Consequently, as each man needs many women, nothing is more just than to let him, nay, make it incumbent upon him to provide for many women. By this means woman will be brought back to her proper and natural place as a subordinate being, and the “lady”, that monster of European civilisation and Christian–Teutonic stupidity, with her ridiculous claim to respect and veneration, will no longer exist; there will still be women, but no unhappy women, of whom Europe is at present full. Hence polygamy is a real benefit to the female sex, taking it as a whole. And, on the other hand, there is no reason why a man whose wife suffers from chronic illness, or remains barren, or has gradually become too old for him, should not take a second.
I was caught between different urges. On one hand of course I wanted to live the promiscuous life of a Pattaya tourist and on the other hand the more time I spent with her the more I missed her after my nights out alone (while waiting for her to finish work). There was something about her which made me want to know her more. Her quiet manner, her gentle ways, her warm smile and not least her looks were the reasons for my inclination with her besides feeling something which I cannot easily explain. She ended up staying all but about 3 nights of my month there with me which is more consecutive time spent than with any girl before at all! So the amount of tenderness we were able to build is not to be neglected! She was able to get a few days off by paying a friend to work for her shifts (which of course I paid). 200 baht per day off I can afford and do not question its legitimacy. Simply at times I would have expected a bit more commitment from her. A few kop khun kas or a small return gift for the meals or the nights out we had (as even bargirls did for me) would have been nice. She just seemed so reserved most of the time. Not that I did not feel wanted by her but I it always felt as she was hiding something. Would she sooner or later try some trick to fleece me? Was she only aspiring to get a flight to Switzerland soon (“I want to see snow”)? However, the really sincere and honest laughs we had together were always good enough to put aside any doubts. The smiles she could throw at me with the apparent innocence of a child when she was in a good mood, not tired from work and forgetting all her sorrows for a few hours whilst we were out together were more than enough to justify every minute and every baht spent with her. Unfortunately as I was sick from the air-con for about a week when she had her days off I might have appeared to her a bit lazy and boring. During the heat of the day I simply could not manage to make our long planned Ko Larn trip or make excursions on her bike which she always insisted in showing me around and searching for romantic places.
Now you might ask where is the problem. She stays with you every night, you can take her out to the gogos, you do not get any sick buffalo stories, she is generally fun to be with and seems gentle enough… Well, that is what I was worried about. If its too good to be true it probably is – especially in Pattaya (well actually the sex was anything but too good but leaving that aside for once…). Some time during this latest stay I noticed a ring on her finger. It looked golden with some Asian engravings. She said it was from a relationship with her ex-boyfriend for 3 years (according to her a Japanese guy) which broke up a few months ago. However if they occasionally phone and even meet it should not bother me. She proclaimed her undying love for me and that the other guy always disliked the fact that she had 2 children already and that they only ever argued anyway… I liked her but to say I was in love and therefore worried about this other guy would be exaggerated. After all we had a few arguments as well which left us both unsure whether this should go on at all. All I expected was not to be bluntly lied to as this is the really disrespecting part. She showed me a picture of them together and its possible that he is Japanese but actually it might also be her Thai husband working abroad and just occasionally meeting her. Anyway if she wanted to hide it she would not have needed to mention anything about him in the first place. But it fits that she always was reluctant to take me to her room, something which girls I met in bars frequently did (they probably had their husbands elsewhere). I did not insist to go there either as I was really not contemplating engaging her so she could well keep her secrets. As I said when I stayed with her I was not giving the fact that she did not “finish her boyfriend 100%” yet any second thoughts.
We really grew tight after all these nights and days together and when the time to fly back came I actually had tears in my eyes when saying goodbye. I was anything else but a good boy and it must have been some sort of bad conscience about how I “cheated” Nok almost every day and generally how badly I treated this sober, hard working and good hearted girl (exaggerating here). The contrast of romance and the anything-goes atmosphere in Pattaya must be hard to bear with as a girl and I wished I could just have taken her out of her miserably paid job (not meaning taking her with me). Think for example when I came out of her workplace there immediately was an aggregation of bars from which I recruited a couple of girls once or twice. This contrast of emotion and naughty life was really spicy but of course being a well mannered guy also brought me to question if my own behaviour was actually justified. Anyway it was too late to be undone and so when we said our emotional goodbyes I felt so bad that I actually gave her – completely against my policy – a symbolic amount of money. Not because she ever asked but more because I felt I could do something towards paying off my “sins” that way. Just like the grandmother used to give us grandchildren a little bit of money after we visited her so that we could buy our own sweets for a while.
For the secret, unformulated, nay, unconscious but innate moral of woman is: We are justified in deceiving those who, because they care a little for us,—that is to say for the individual,—imagine they have obtained rights over the species. The constitution, and consequently the welfare of the species, have been put into our hands and entrusted to our care through the medium of the next generation which proceeds from us; let us fulfil our duties conscientiously.
Now fast forward a couple of weeks. I faced the hard reality of having to work again and, what is worse, the harsh winter in Switzerland. I was happy to come back after work in the evening and be able to call Nok to relive some Thailand feelings for a few minutes every day. It really helped me to get settled at home. Anyway one evening she told me her boyfriend will come to see her soon. I expected this already and at the moment it did not bother me but from that day on she changed considerably. She almost completely stopped writing messages and was not much fun to talk with anymore. What annoyed me was that she was so passive, hardly answering when asking questions. Sure it is my own fault to have let my feelings go so far that I was actually dependent in a way to hear her every day. But: No risk, no fun! Now, the fun part started the day her boyfriend arrived in town: Not willing to play the innocent lamb I called her despite her warning that she would not be able to talk to me while he stayed with her. I thought if it was really a problem she would switch off the phone or pretend not to know me. But she talked to me and told me: “you make me ploblem”. That actually hurt me! Good enough to pay for all the meals and nights out and a few gifts but make ploblem?!
So that their conscience does not trouble them so much as we imagine, for in the darkest depths of their hearts they are conscious that in violating their duty towards the individual they have all the better fulfilled it towards the species, whose claim upon them is infinitely greater.
I could hear that someone was in the room and he took the phone and asked me who I am (in very broken English, again I was not able to determine if its a Thai or a Japanese voice.) I just laughed and said he should ask Nok that question but his English was not even good enough to understand this simple sentence. I would most definitely not let myself down and get into a fight over this girl! I managed to detach from her relatively easily after the initial anger because I still had a few other ladies which occasionally I could phone for that Thailand feeling. After that event I could not reach her until apparently the guy was gone again. While he was in Pattaya she wrote me an email saying that her boyfriend destroyed her phone that evening. Oh, and that he asked to marry her now but that she did not decide yet because she loves me. So if I could take care of her and her children she would want to talk to me about this again! Once he was gone she wrote me an SMS from a new phone number. Did he take her SIM card? If so he would surely not intend to let her contact me still. What's going on there?! Why can she not detach from him if he is only an ex-boyfriend which is no good and she “loves me so much” (I already told her I would return in only 3 months time to which she said she could surely wait and she knows she can trust me in that regard). On the other hand if he is still an actual partner it would mean that she may just have felt a bit lonely during his absence and was concealing her naughty side under the premise of only sleeping with who she is serious (however I really cannot think of her as being overly promiscuous).
A man strives to get direct mastery over things either by understanding them or by compulsion. But a woman is always and everywhere driven to indirect mastery, namely through a man; all her direct mastery being limited to him alone. Therefore it lies in woman’s nature to look upon everything only as a means for winning man, and her interest in anything else is always a simulated one, a mere roundabout way to gain her ends, consisting of coquetry and pretence.
You see, what started innocently enough quickly became a major soap opera issue. Is that the way it has to be? Do you really only have the choice between hardcore hookers and deceiving “good” girls in Pattaya? It was definitely a lesson learned and I will just wait and see what happens now. With Thai girls, nothing is unthinkable! But whatever will go on, one thing is for sure: Nok will not be easily forgettable or replaceable as through her I was confronted with many experiences and emotions, not previously know to me. Whatever the case is with her boyfriend/husband/sponsor I wish her to make the right decisions in life and that she may become happy.
PS: The quotes in italics are taken from A. Schopenhauers essay “On Women” written in the year 1851. I found it fascinating that the same reasons for which many 21st century western men flee towards Asia nowadays were troubling European philosophers for over 150 years when women's rights must have been laughable compared to today! And I was amazed by how well some of his views explained to me the often irrational behaviour of girls, be it in the west or in the east.
I really do not think Pattaya is the place to find a girlfriend. Even the girls outside the industry see how lucrative it is and many, sadly, get sucked in and tarnished by it. Even those who only enter it for a brief period may suddenly no longer be ideal girlfriend material.
Think of Pattaya as a place to be enjoyed…