The Importance of Taking Your Time
I prefer to talk about women. Someone once said to me "dude, if you didn't have women to talk about, you'd have nothing to say." To others, I must really give that impression at times. Oh well, I guess I'm not real interested
in chatting much about football, government conspiracies and car engines.
Women, dating and relationships has always been my 'hobby', if you will. I'd had quite a lot of experience in the past with Western and Asian women in Australia, but didn't end up in a permanent relationship, although I came close on two occasions. When I moved to Thailand six months ago, I discovered that all this experience can quite easily amount to nothing if you don't adjust to the way things work here – particularly with women.
During my time in this country I've spent a lot of time with Thai women. However, I've also garnered some absolutely priceless information about the Thai female from some of my fellow Stickman and Schoocher submitters. Invaluable in this regard has been the wisdom of BKKSW, Foster, Cliff, LP, and of course the great Fanta. These guys have been there, done that. And they're happy to pass on their knowledge. Mind you, they were also happy to find an opportunity to give me a bit of a ribbing as the 'new kid in town', but I'll wear that with good humour. There have been some most insightful and humorous discussions with those blokes.
When I first arrived in Thailand, I actually had a girlfriend for 1 month, and stayed faithful to her, but I couldn't hold this up for any longer than that. I got into the habit of dating multiple women, because I wanted to learn more about the women in this challenging, unpredictable country. I've made a couple of previous submissions on this website describing some of these trials and tribulations. After breaking up with the above girlfriend, I went on an absolute bender – dabbling in the bar scene, which was all good fun, while at the same time dating many non-bargirls.
Don't get me wrong – I've never been a "quantity" man, I'm not into "pulling heaps of chicks" and I'm not even that interested in sleeping with more than one girl at once, to be honest. For me it's all about finding that one, high-quality woman. I think it's something most guys want, but you have to be ready for it. Anyway, after some 3 months of dating women, I was bloody exhausted!
I ended up meeting one particular girl online, whom I thought could be the goods. Her name was Loi. I was damn interested in her. She was very physically attractive, and we got on well, too. But there were all sorts of red flags going up. I never, ever really trusted her. What I'm going to do now is list the reasons why I could not trust this woman. I admit that some of these things could be perfectly innocent in their own right, but what I am trying to indicate is that the combination of all these factors which forced me to tear myself away from Loi. Here's the list:
1. She wanted to sleep with me on the first night. One minute we're eating salad at Sizzler's, the next minute she's saying "let's go back to your room". Hmmm.
2. She performed like an absolute porn star sexually. Included in this was her ability to do something I'd not experienced before from any woman. I'll give you a hint – It's a 1972 movie starring Linda Lovelace. I was astonished at Loi's skills.
3. She seemed to know a fair bit about the bar industry. She assured me time and time again that she was a 'good girl'. And yet she had a friend from the past who was a bargirl, and she even asked me "if I worked in a lady bar, do you think I would get lots of customers?" Um, OK…
4. She had pornography on her cellphone. We were lying in bed, post-coitus, and she brings up a movie on her phone, in which a Japanese woman is being gangbanged by 7 men. She thought it was funny. I told her to switch it off.
5. She talked about money a bit too much for my liking. She informed me about the 175,000 baht hospital debt that her father had accrued from his operation in Khon Kaen. One night, I drilled her about the sin sot thing. She said that it could be between 20,000 to 1 million baht, with an 8,000 baht per month donation to her parents after marriage. And then she would 'assure' me by saying "I know many farang man is worried about Thai girl taking his money". Thanks for bringing that up, honey. Maybe you're one of those girls.
6. She always had a shaved vagina.
7. Whenever we went to dinner, she would encourage me to drink whiskey, and after that she just seemed to know exactly the right hotel to go to, depending on the area. During our evenings of debauchery, I would take note of the items she would bring out of her handbag. Condoms, shower cap, the little portable toothbrush, the little bottles of shampoo and conditioner. In the shower, she would soap me up like a professional, and put the toothpaste on the toothbrush for me. Yep, I felt I was in bargirl city!
Anyway, she moved back to her family in Khon Kaen. She wanted to stay in touch, she told me she'd be back soon, and we could be together forever. I stopped contacting her. I was very bold in the last conversation I had with her. I said "Have you ever been a bargirl?"
She replied with "No".
Hey, if she was a bargirl, that's cool, each to their own. But she protested so many times that she wasn't one, and has never been one. I was actually developing some strong feelings for her, however I just couldn't believe her. I just didn't trust her. And you gotta go with your gut when you feel that way.
I tried to forget her.
At around this time, I met a girl named Kee. We chatted a lot online – in fact we talked online for a month before I even met her. There was something in the air about this woman. By that I mean she seemed to be something quite extraordinary. The day I met her, I wondered if we'd have the same chemistry as we did online. Yes indeed we did. It was quite surreal. Anyway, this girl was an investment. There was no way in hell I was going to be getting physical with her anytime soon. She is from a traditional Thai-Chinese family, and still lives with her aunt and grandmother. But my God this girl was cool. She knew how to take a joke, and could give plenty back. As my Aussie mate would say, she had lots of "sparkle factor".
I continued to see her every Saturday for the next 6 weeks. It was a very, very slow and old-fashioned process – one I'm not familiar with. It was 3 months until we finally agreed to become girlfriend / boyfriend, and kissed for the first time. Amazing – I waited that long! And I kept my eyes peeled for any 'red flags'. None. Admittedly, she is a woman with those occasionally over-emotional tendencies, but she never once threw a big tantrum. In fact, at one crucial stage in our relationship, Kee showed me how she deals with problems – with grace, a gentle nature, soft touching and communication. I was incredibly impressed, after all the bullshit tantrums I'd been subjected to by other women in the past. It proved to me that all this waiting was worth it – and that she could indeed be the woman I'd be suited to.
Much has happened since then. We're stronger, and it's natural. In the end, I'm glad I waited.
Three weeks ago, I received a call from Loi. She was back in Bangkok for the weekend. She wanted me to come and stay with her for the next two days and nights, with endless quantities of sexual fun implied in her speech. She said "come on, come around tonight…"
I gritted my teeth and said "No, I can't, I have girlfriend now."
The temptation was almost overwhelming, but I resisted. I actually practiced the art of 'delayed gratification', choosing instead to go with the long-term plan rather than instant sexual satisfaction. Possibly one of the most mature things I've ever done. Well, Loi wished me all the best, stating "I will cry later tonight"… Yeah, right! I didn't hear from her again. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I could have had all sorts of fun with Loi for the weekend, but I turned her down for Kee, a girl whom I'd only kissed once and that's all. I felt it was a good decision. I still do.
I saw Kee the next day. We went to the markets, then to our favourite restaurant where we talked for 6 hours. And now, almost a month later, my decision to move on from Loi and stick with Kee is reaping great rewards. I've learned an incredible amount from this whole endeavour.
Just last night, I realized that I had been giving myself credit for "taking my time" to reach this goal. But I can now acknowledge that it was Kee who taught me how to wait.
Loi's past sure sounds suspicious!
I think plenty of guys make the mistake of dating multiple girls looking for the right one, but they get all tied up in lies and mistruths that lying in a relationship becomes normal to them and the standards they perhaps once had are relegated in the interests of short-term gratification. One really has to be honest with themselves and determine what they want. If it is a high quality woman, then the way you're doing it would appear to be the best way.