Readers' Submissions

Tales From The Baan 2

  • Written by Dr. Blue
  • December 18th, 2007
  • 4 min read


I have been watching farang / Thai relationships for a few years especially in the north east Isaan area. I find that 95% of Thai women fall into one of three categories on which I shall now elaborate.

The first and most obvious one is the 'bargirl' who fall into two subgroups a) new and b) used. How many times have you seen a fat, old farang sitting with his buddies swilling beer while the little 'cupcake' sits looking bored sipping on a spy cooler and chatting to her brother (boyfriend) on her mobile. The relationship is and can only be about money.

Do the arithmetic. If she is twenty then her parents are about 40. If she has to support them then they are losers and sooner or later the farang will have had enough. Chance of success with a type a) even if the farang is young is less than 1%.

Now type b) are usually aged over 30 and still look good in a dimly lit bar or after the farang has had a couple of beers. However, in the light of day you can see a few sags and wrinkles starting. They can see their days as bargirls are coming to an end and want out. By now they have developed a taste for booze, fags and loud music. They make the ideal choice for the 40 and 50-year old party animals who enjoy going out every night and need a steady drinking partner rather than one they have to barfine. If the farang has a steady group of drinking buddies he may open his own bar. He can drink with his buddies and his wife can run the place. The bars seldom last as the friends tend to drift away and the bargirls are all dogs as she is scared to hire any 'cupcakes' as one might snag her old man. Meanwhile the Chinaman keeps coming for his rent. The chance of success is about 30%.

The second category is the 'mouse', as my old lady would say. Small small, black black.
They do not smoke, do not drink and were never cute enough to really make it in the bar
scene. They appeal to the 60+ group. Most farangs over 70 have never done a load of
laundry and can't boil an egg. So what's it all about? It's a combination of nursemaid and mother.

The old duffer is 'taken care of'. His laundry is done, his house is cleaned and his meals are
cooked. If he can score some blue on pension day he might even get to do the nasty.
What does she get? A nice house to live in, food to eat and if she has any kids they get to
go to school. She may even get to try her hand at a small business. When he falls off the
perch she will inherit the house and depending on the generosity of the farang's home
government, she may even get a widow's pension. These fellows come out on Saturday afternoons only, by themselves as the 'mouse' does not like bars. They drink an average of two beers, talk about football for a while and go home. Chance for success are very high, about 90%.

The third group is one unknown to those in the Bangkok area. The 'yellow shirt'. These are over 45 and financially secure, a business lady a teacher or even an ex-mouse. So why do they need a farang? An older Thai man who was well off would opt for a 'cupcake' just because he could. All young Thai men are philanderers and would be after raiding the bank account. That leaves farangs, provided the farang is well-dressed, sober and financially secure. He does not need to be rich. He is used for 'show and tell' at various social events. Quite often they are both invited to sit at the head table as many government officials like to practice their English. The lady feels more confident to take overseas trips if she is accompanied by a man of the world. There is no chance that she will be taken for an ex-bargirl as she will already be prominent in her community and will not be a smoker (only ex-bargirls smoke). Chance of success also high about 90%.

So there you have it see if you can spot 'em, is she a 1a, 1b, 2 or a 3. A note to readers: I
know your 'teeruk' is in a class of her own. This only applies to other farangs.

Dr. Blue

Stickman's thoughts:

I'm going to just concentrate on one small thing you mentioned in this submission and that is the government in a Western country providing for the Westerner's widow. I don't know much about this and in fact don't think much has been written about it. I think it would make an interesting submission for anyone who does know what is involved. Of course it would be nice to if a few steps could be included. Anyone up for writing that article?